Are abusive men so cunning when they tell you they refuse to get over you and you're the only one for them but then start calling you horrible names?

Answer 1

Abusive men are more terrified of losing their victim because it means their control is growing weak and they can't subsist in life without control over another person. They will tell you anything to win you back, but if you go back, they will be so enraged you left in the first place that the verbal or physical abuse will just get worse. It's pay back time!

Abusers are the way they are because they have either grown up in a family of abuse, or they have been spurned by someone (especially women) when they were old enough to start dating or, they could have simply lost a job or a promotion probably because of their miserable personality and it was enough for them to go over the edge. Then there are some men that are just mean to the bone.

Abusive men are very weak and certainly need psychological counseling, but rarely seek it. They feel they are in the right and everything they own down to the family dog is theirs and no one is going to tell him how to deal with his possessions.

Abusive men can only control the environment in their personal lives because they wouldn't get away with it out in society. They are weak-minded and are foxy enough not to cause a fuss out in public where other men are present because they would be terrified of facing another man of the same strength who may want to protect you from your abuser. Abusers pick on the weak! They don't always pick on their mates, but can pick on their children, elderly parents or even the pets in the household. Everything seems to irritate them. Women are no more than chattel to them.

You left, he lost control and he's calling you names because you ruined his routine and his safe little bubble that he lives in. You have reminded him that one can never truly have total control over another. Even if we are held captive no one can steal our souls!

There are Abused Women's Centers in most cities or good sized towns and they have wonderful programs for people such as yourself. You will be in good company with many other women that are abused. These programs give you tools so you can once again become independent, get your dignity back, stay away from your abuser and learn characteristics of abusers so you don't choose another mate who will abuse you. A large percentage of women go back to their abuser or choose to date only men who abuse because she has basically lost her self respect, doesn't feel she is worth receiving better and often times (especially if she has children) finds it difficult to support these children or doesn't have the experience for looking for a job. These programs help you find work as well. Slowly but surely the laws are changing to protect women and women are fighting back!

Good luck honMarcy

AnswerThanks Marcy.I have read many posts by you here and they help me keep things in perspective. This man WAS my ex husband. An abuser, and hard core drug addict. It will ne two years in Macrh when I kicked him out.Since then I got over him. However, he has called constantly. He does not know where me and our daughter live, thank god. At first I would ignore him as I was very angry. I have since moved past all the grief. Now he is playing on my pity. He knoes it is the only crumb of fellings I would have for him. He is a master manipualtor. My gut though (i do not want him back no matter what even if he gets help) is telling me he is lying. He is a compulsive lair. Hes telling em that everyday the remorse of losing what he had is so strong and he feels like crap. He says I was the best thing....blah..blah..blah. I am only talking with him out of sheer pity.Now I have decided I do not want to talk anymore. I cannot ever get honesty from him so why bother. Hes bent on trying to get me to tell him where I live. My gut also tells me he is hiding his anger about actaully how mad he is at me. I do not think hes feeling regret. I think he cannot wait to get me abck and show me how amd he is!I have decided to just end this telephone manipualtion. Its not helping him or yself. Hes even gone so far to say he just met a Diabetes Nurse who can help our daughter. This is BS. He use to always tell me huge lies about people, places and things. Hes lies about anything.Anyhow I am 34 years old. I have moved on and don't need to counsel this man over the phone any longer. I am on guard with all men now. I am alot smarter and not so trusting. A friend told me I am like Little Red Riding Hood!! LOL...so I am tougher that's for sure now. Thanks so much. AnswerHi there!

So nice to hear from you again.

Thanks so much for the nice compliment and it's great to know I help others. I read a lot of the posts as well and we can all learn from each other's experiences.

Oh, oh, drugs involved! That's one losing game! I know where you are coming from because our family just had to kick a niece to the curb for doing Crystal Meth and not trying to get help for it. We couldn't have her around (this once beautiful young woman) who now steals to buy her drugs. It's called "tough love" and it's hard on the family, but we have to hold strong in hopes she will get her act together.

Your ex has never wanted you more in his life, because you had the fortitude to beat him at his own game by getting rid of him and flying free. It irks him that he has no more control over you. I am so very proud of you for ditching this guy and thinking of your daughter first. The two of you can make it and I know several young women (single moms) who have made it by working and eventually met wonderful guys. One of them is married to a wonderful guy and her little girl just loves him.

I'm so happy to hear that you have cut all communication off with him. You have to stick to your guns! One little word of pity, or even talking to him on the phone sets off his alarm systems that he can manipulate you yet once again.

WARNING: If he has your phone # he can easily find out where you live, so be very, very careful!

You can go into any hospital, or clinic and get very good help for your diebetic daughter. I have a 16 year old nephew that had diabetes from the time he was born. He's getting plenty of help from medical care. You don't need your drugged up ex to find you any help because you seem to be just doing fine on your own! Great going girl!

I wish you all the luck in the world, and I know you will do just fine. Hang in there.

Marcy