Are all narcissistics pathological liars?

Well, I'm sure all N's lie but not about EVERYTHING. I always thought my N was lying about things but somehow, it would be proven to be true. He was always big on telling me the truth...and about no lying between us..or so he said. I lied to him a couple times and I got caught and he was so angry yet apparently he was doing cocaine behind my back the whole time we were dating... An N demands the truth but if they lie or don't tell....it's ok...

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I try to imagine the number of actors, and I couldn't begin to guess adult film actors as well, that are narcissists. 13+ years it took me to see past her lies. My wife was a professional liar. She lied about having fish for lunch when she had chicken. If she had on blue she'd be on the phone telling people she was wearing red. I couldn't harm a hair on her head yet for years behind my back, she told everyone like it was dinner conversation that she was oppressed and subjected to violence at my hands... for years... How in the name of the holiest of holies she brainwashed me into taking the years of abuse...>? I will never know. Somehow when I'd confront her with evidence of one of her multitudes of sexual affairs, she would beat me down verbally and spin the situation to make me feel responsible and left feeling absolutely worthless. I've come to understand that her entire family is a pit of narcissists. When I told her family that she had given me a Sexually Transmitted Disease... they didn't even blink. They looked like someone was reading them the users manual for a toaster.

The only way to beat a narcissist is to be absolutely honest. That's where she's starting to crumble. I suspect she'll be in the nuthouse shortly as word is spreading fast that things aren't as they seem for a reason. My wife does indeed hate herself. She can not explain why she does the things she does. Her answer every time is... "I don't know". She has admitted that she is "f'd up" and needs help. Sadly, she lied about getting help as I've found out she never was going to the sessions she told me she had attended.

Divorce papers and a restraint order has been filed against me... she left me almost a month ago after she had taken everything I have. For a month, I found myself shaking and sobbing uncontrollably. I haven't been able to complete the simplest of tasks. Most of my time is spent staring off into space wondering how in the name of Hayseus DeKristo did I get into this spot without being able to stop it.

Answer: My wife was/is/always will be a professional liar and a con. She has no soul and only projects what people around her want to see. I wish I had known about narcissism a long time ago. I hope to snap back soon. I hope. Thanks for reading.

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Lying compulsively is not a disease or even an abnormality, which are the definitions of pathological in the dictionary. Lying is a habit of behaviour. If this habit has been advantageous in the past it will be repeated. After being repeated many times it will become the standard and default response. This is why it is attractive and charming people become narcissistic. Other people are usually less successful with lies as children and so never form the habit.

Habits can be changed, lying is not addictive such as smoking and so to say that this behaviour can't change is the wrong conclusion.

That said it will usually take some real understanding to bring a person with NPD to a place of trust in their family to be able to drop the lies and see that other behaviour is more rewarding. Accountability is the key, but failure to meet obligations should been dealt with justly. Threatening to abandon and isolate a person because they have simply never been taught how to meet these standards is unjust. A child who has never been taught with patience to tell the truth will remain a liar until someone who the narcissist looks up to and respects takes on this duty.

Kim Cooper author of "Back from the Looking Glass" Living with the personality disorder that causes abuse

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Once I asked my N "Are you incapable of telling the truth?" His answer: "Yes, I am incapable of telling the truth and that is a lie" That in a nutshell is a typical answer of an N.

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Most victims of narcissists do not have the luxury of a diagnoses on the narcissist in question. Also many narcissists can fool a therapist otherwise. A narcisisst is a narcissist is a narcissist. Just because he isnt diagnosed doesnt mean he isnt one. A serial killer is a serial killer regardless of whether he is caught and convicted. So if you suspect some one is a narcissist dont be a fool and "wait" for a diagnoses. HE will suck you dry and spit out your carcass like so many ohters before (metaphorically speaking. and likely will NEVER be diagnosed. Use your head and protect yourself. They give themselves away if you know what to look for. and those of us who have been BURNED by one know what i mean.

To accuse someone of "without being an expert" that they beleive they are in a relationship with an N is discounting the victim. I really think that by the time someone makes it to this board they realize they are dealing with one. You shouldnt demand someone state legallese "I am not an expert" before making a statement. Thats kind of invalidating others who have experienced the abuse at the hands of an (undiagnosed) narcissist. .
There are other boards for clinicians and psychologists with which to discuss Narcissisim in a clinical setting. The point is these victims are being abused. Their voice needs to be heard. What they have to say does matter. Don't be riduculous and assume all Ns' actually have to be diagnosed before they ruin your life.

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I have just got out of a relationship with a N. It blew my mind I thought I was going mad. But I am glad to say that I am pretty sure that I blew his mind more. Everytime his behaviour was unacceptable I questioned him about it and watched him squirm in his seat. I didn't realise at the time he was a N. I would accuse him of playing a role, having no integrity, of contantly putting other people down, not taking responsibility for his own behaviour and the effects his behaviour had on me and others. I questioned his belief system. He was totally dumbfounded. It didn't take me long to realise that he suffered from extreme lack of self worth. I frightened the pants off him!!! And instead of answering any of my questions he would just finish the relationship and about a week later he would be back, using his charms and well rehearsed manipulation techniques etc... Five months the relationship lasted and it was VERY unhealthy for me. I finally lost my temper, (not a pretty sight) but he won't be trying to squirm his way back in. I have exposed him good and proper. I did feel guilty about it because I am not comfortable with anger but on reflection he definately deserved it!!

Just a heads-up for readers. Many of the below posters believe (without being experts) that they are in relationships with narcissists, and thus they act as if they are qualified to answer questions regarding NPD. NPD, however, is not something that just anyone with the five senses can diagnose. It is OK to give opinions--however, in the future if any of you answer questions regarding NPD without being experts, you should clearly state so in your answer. (There is no way you can claim that all Narcissists are pathological liars just because your ex (whom you yourself have only assumed is a Narcissist because he has lied to you, gave you crappy gifts, or behaved selfishly) happened to be one. It's absurd.)

For the record, I do realize some of these posters may be speaking of people who actually did have a medical diagnosis of NPD--however, since we are not given this information by the posters, it is not correct to assume that that is the case. Just be wary of the answers as many laypeople falsely believe that they are capable of making diagnoses of personality disorders based on some reading they did on the Internet, and thus their answers may turn out to be misinformed.

Finally, the 16-year-old who states that he/she has been diagnosed with NPD for 10 years is full of it. A respectable psychiatrist would never diagnose someone with this disorder at such a young age--it is impossible to tell at that age as children characteristically share the traits of Narcissists and their personalities have yet to complete development.

27 yrs. married to one and I'm now getting out. I feel so broken,like there's hardly anything left of me. What wasted years.... I only wish I had known about all this years ago. It could have saved me and my children from a world of pain. What a sick individual. Why is it so hard to get away from them?

Agreed

I think there's a tendency in all the sections concerned with psychology and with abuse for people to use and misuse 'diagnoses'. For example, I've noticed that many people seem to assume that anyone who ever abused them is a sociopath.

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I think they are. Mine lied about everything in his life...to the best of my knowledge. He told me he really messed up and apologized. His sin? He was my lover for the past three years. Two years ago he got married and he never told me! I just found out last week. He tells me he is madly in love with me and cannot live without me. Should I believe him? I have been hurt by this man more than he can ever imagine. And when he doesn't want to talk, he shuts me out. And of course, his wife doesn't know about me. He lies constantly to her too I assume. What a mess and I am stuck in the middle. He was my best friend! And he gets mad at me if I have any contact with other men...even if it is innocent. I don't know what to do anymore.

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Yes. They promise you the world then once they see your hopes up they tear the rug out from under. And if that isnt bad enough then they proceed to deny what they did and/or said and make you feel like the crazy one.

The narcissist invents and then projects to others a FALSE Self. So, his entire existence is founded on an all-pervasive lie.

The narcissist does his damnedest to avoid intimacy. He constantly lies about every aspect of his life: his self, his history, his vocations and avocations, and his emotions. This false data guarantee his informative lead, or "advantage" in a relationship. It yields an active state of disintimisation. It casts a pall of cover up, separateness, asymmetry and mystery over the narcissist's relationships.

The narcissist lies even in therapy. He obscures the truth by using "psycho-babble", or a professional lingo. It makes him feel that he "belongs", that he is a "Renaissance man". By demonstrating his control of several professional jargons he almost proves (to himself) that he is superhuman. In therapy, this has the effect of "objectifying" and emotionally detachment.

From the diary of a narcissist:

In "Streetcar Named Desire", Blanche, the sister in law of Marlon Brando, is accused by him of inventing a false biography, replete with exciting events and desperate wealthy suitors. She responds that it is preferable to lead an imaginary but enchanted life - then a real but dreary one.

This, approximately, is my attitude, as well. My biography needs no embellishments. It is chock full of adventures, surprising turns of events, governments and billionaires, prisons and luxury hotels, criminals and ministers, fame and infamy, wealth and bankruptcy. I have lived a hundred lives. All I need to do is tell it straight. And yet I can't.

Moreover, I exaggerate everything. If a newspapers publishes my articles, I describe it as "the most widely circulated", or "the most influential". If I meet someone, I make him out to be "the most powerful", "most enigmatic", "most something". If I make a promise, I always promise the impossible or undoable.

To put it less gently, I lie. Compulsively and needlessly.

All the time.

About everything. And I often contradict myself.

Why do I need to do this?

To make myself interesting or attractive. In other words, to secure narcissistic supply (attention, admiration, adulation, gossip). I refuse to believe that I can be of interest to anyone as I am. My mother was interested in me only when I achieved something. Since then I flaunt my achievements - or invent ones. I feel certain that people are more interested in my fantasies than in me.

This way I also avoid the routine, the mundane, the predictable, the boring.

In my mind, I can be anywhere, do anything and I am good at convincing people to participate in my scripts. It is movie-making. I should have been a director.

Pseudologica Fantastica is the compulsive need to lie consistently and about everything, however inconsequential - even if it yields no benefits to the liar. I am not that bad. But when I want to impress - I lie.

I love to see people excited, filled with wonder, bedazzled, dreamy, starry eyed, or hopeful. I guess I am a little like the myth spinners, legend tellers and troubadours of yore. I know that at the end of my rainbow there is nothing but a broken pot. But I so want to make people happy! I so want to feel the power of a giver, a God, a benefactor, a privileged witness.

So, I lie. Do you believe me?

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Certainly. I have been in a relationship with a narcissist for 3 years. My poor soul will lie when proof is in front of his face. Gods speed to you.

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I think the N's perception of a lie is different from ours. A lie is not "bad" to a narcissist because it gets him what he wants.

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I have just ended a 5 year relationship with a narcissist and I can say this one was pathological. It is the most incredible phenomenon! For the first few years, I thought I was crazy or there was something wrong with my memory. He would re-write the very same event that we both experienced.

It is my belief that he actually believed his lies, because that was the only way he could cope with life. He seemed genuinely convinced that his lies were the truth. It is mind boggling!

I have changed all phone numbers and e-mail in an attempt to stay away from this man. I am in the process of moving. My advice to anyone involved with a narcissist, is to get out as fast as you can! It has been my experience that you cannot believe what this person tells you, even if they are crying and swearing to God. It is a very sad thing to watch ... but protect yourself!

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All the N's I have met are liars and masters at the art of deception. Just remember they always round numbers up or down to make themselves look good, or to make others look bad. They are the people at work, who say, "so-n-so is always late." Note the word "always". They don't keep accurate records and condem people without facts and evidence. Most people will make double sure before hurting someone's reputation or livelihood. Not narcissist. Usually, in Narcisstic language, "always" means "once." They actually think they can brainwash people. If they say the same thing over and over, they think you will eventually adopt it as truth. They rewrite history this way. They use association. They think repeating a person's name in the same sentence as a particular word, everyone will start associating that person with that word. Then they transition, and then use one of the words again, but associated with something negative. They leave it up to the listener to come up with the conclusion.

Here's an example of a Narcissist's brainwashing and deception.

" Jane was wearing red. Jane and her red dress looked good. Jane's red lipstick and red shoes went really well with her red dress. I heard red is the latest trend. Red is very popular now. I always thought red was a tramp color. Don't tramps where red dresses? I had always heard red is a tramp color."

If Jane = red (premise/association) and red = tramp (premise/association) then Jane = tramp (unspoken conclusion/association)

If a = b and b = c, then a = c The human mind naturally thinks this way, and narcissist know it and take advantage of it. Most people fall for this and this is what makes narcissist so powerful and dangerous. How clever to even make it sound like they were complimenting Jane, but yet delivered a very subliminal insult at the same time. I call it the compliment sandwich. Inbetween the visible compliment slices of bread, there is an invisible rotten insult. Watch out for the constant repeating (attempts to brainwash) and the association trick. Watch out for the "silent point." They never reach the point outloud and just keep saying premises over and over. They want you to come up with the point in your head so that they can't get blamed for saying something bad about someone. They also know that you will think you thought of it yourself and never suspect them.

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I think they are. My ex was so bad that he would look me in the eyes and tell me he loves me, and the next day I was gone. He did anything and everything to get what he wanted. Lying to me, about me, and he would come up with the most outrageous lies about me and people would believe these lies, why I don't know. He would be so incredibly arrogant while lying as well, as if he was the only one smart enough in his world to know he was lying and if he was caught in one he'd never admit it. I've noticed they live in a fantasy world of their own making and every lie that they tell only adds to it, and to them it's ok.

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I am in the unfortunate situation of being in love with as well as married to a narcissist. We have been married for less than a year and it has been a fairly incredible constant roller coaster of emtions, anger and confusion. I have battled with leaving but know that I do love this person and continue to pray that they will get the true help that they, themselves, have agreed to get. Others who see from a distance what is taking place are warning me to get out while I can and to heed safety measures when dealing with someone of this caliber. I am so confused because as any of you reading this will know... THEY ARE VERY convincing when they want to be. They tell you they love you and will do anything to keep you but then the very next day they are right back with their sick lies and unstable behavior. How can you ever trust or believe in this person?

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I was married for 11 years to a man who, in hindsight, was and still is a narcissist. Don't waste time...get out. If Narcissists can even be convinced that they need help (fat chance on that one), the medication they would take only somewhat improves the condition. There's no real cure...sorry. By staying in the marriage, I can now watch my daughters have to deal with his lunacy.

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Yes, they probably are - but ask one, and they'll say "No."

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How can anyone who has a false front not lie? Will they lie to themselves and believe it? Yes, they are pathological liars. Thank you for this website. I was nearly destroyed by all the lies and the confusion. Lies add power to the narcissist...keeping you in the dark...to confused to run.

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Listen to this one. I sent my husband off one February morning with a hot pancake breakfast, money in his pocket and train ticket to another state to look for job prospects. He was going to stay with a close friend of his for the duration. Packed and ready to go, he suddenly burst into tears, hugged me and told me he loved me. A week passed and I hadn't heard from him, I began to get anxious and decided to make a few phone calls. He also let friends know that we were divorcing, which was news to me. To make a long story short, I found out he had gone to Florida to hook up with a woman friend he had known on-line. I can't tell you how ANGRY, hurt, humiliated, confused, and jealous I was. I cried for days, couldn't sleep, took sleeping pills, doubled up on my anti-depressants, smoked heavily and lost 25 lbs. I looked great but felt a mess! It was a very bad winter up here, and I told myself there was no darned way he was going to stay in sunny Miami while the rest of us froze our "bunz" off in NY (plus I missed him) We phoned each other, sent e-mails, he told me he wanted to come home and was sorry for what he had done. However, he didn't want the "other woman" to find out about his coming home for fear that she would make a scene and throw him out on the street. I quickly sent him a ticket to come home, he arrived "a couple of weeks" later, behaving as if nothing had happened, but letting me know it was more or less my fault etc. etc. Why did I take him back you ask...because I'm an inverted, masochistic, co-dependent, narcissistic fool. I both loved/hated him and I was still so very, very angry and wanted revenge. Where once I had had the utmost trust and faith in this man, I'm now beginning to question everything he says and does, feeling he's up to his old tricks again. I'm physically and mentally exhausted, but I'm not through with him....yet.

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Yes, blackmailing, back-stabbing, manipulating, deceiving and lying seem to be the core personlaity traits that I've noticed in my experience w/ a NPD individual. All become intertwined- for example they will cover up a lie w/ a maniupulation or manipulate to cover up a lie. To say they have the ethics of a roach would be a tremendous insult to all roaches.

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I have just come to terms with my daughter. She is now a complete Pathological Liar or has Antisocial Personality Disorder or is Narcissist. I can realize this and have to come to terms with it. I know all three titles are probably stages of the same. I think it is genetic and complusive and addictive.

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They are spin doctors. They live only in the present. Everything is about their image, and maintaining their image EACH MINUTE. They will make stuff up on the spot. The next day, they say the complete opposite. If everyone in the room is saying, "we like president Bush" the narcissist will take inventory and go with the majority of people. (the majority are the "winners" and they must side with the numbers/winners). The very next day, they could be in a room where most people like Hillary Clinton. Again, the narcissist will go with the status quo. It's hard to figure out where they really stand, and they don't seem to know. Their ethics are like this too. One day they have high morals, the next day they are rationalizing and going against one of their proclaimed rules. They picks what sounds best to suit their needs for the moment. Words, sentences, are just ornaments or jewelry, and they always pick out a different word-robe for the day. They also lie over the smallest detail that wasn't matter. They act like they got caught with their hand in the cookie jar, make up lies, when all you did was ask them a question. They always act like they are on trial and are always in self defense mode (this makes them sound paranoid). If you ask, "I need a pen. Have you seen the pen?" A narcissist would reply "I didn't take it." It makes communicating with them somewhat of a strain. They seem to miss the point and always on the look out for personal attacks, then already lie to cover their arse when they don't even need to.

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My narcissist smirks when he lies. He knows he's been detected but he thinks he's real cute. This cuteness is to sugarcoat the lie. Mine is really quite serious so when I see that grin I know I've just heard a whopper.

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I was married to a narcissist for 23 years and will tell you that she lied constantly. In the beginning i thought she just like to embellish and excused it, but it never changed. As she got older, it got worse because she needed to lie to protect her image. We had met in college but she refused to admit that to anyone because she thought they could infer how old she was (like they even cared). She even lied to our children about how old she was and how we met. They saw right threw it, but if they challenged her, she went into a rage unlike any i have ever seen.

I have been separated from her for 4 years, but because we have shared custody of the children, the damaging lies continue.

By their nature, the narcissist's are unable to clearly look into themselves and therefore will never be able to heal. For the woman who is in love with one, my advice would be to get out while you can. I loved my wife for 23 years but it made no difference.

I am very thankful that i am away from her daily torture and am glad that my children are only subjected to her manipulations half of the time.

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IT IS EXTREMELY HARD NOT TO LIE, WHEN YOUR WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE. I HAVE BEEN A NARCISSIST, OR AT LEAST DIAGNOSED WITH IT, FOR THE PAST 10 YEARS.I AM ALSO A 16YEAR OLD GIRL. MY FIRST LIES BEGAN WHEN ASKED WHERE MY DADDY WAS.WELL, INSTEAD OF TELLING THE TRUTH(HE WAS IN PRISON), I DECIDED TO TELL MY FRIENDS HE WAS AN ASTRONAUT..BEING THTA AGE, THEY BELIEVED ME, MY FRIENDS, UNTIL THEY TOLD THEIR MOTHERS, WHO IN TURN TOLD MY TEACHER, WHO THEN TOLD MY MOTHER, WHO THEN BEAT THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF ME FOR BEING 'STUPID'.

i HAVE LIED FROM EVERYTHING, FROM BEING SERIOUSLY ILL WITH CANCER,TO BEING AN A'STAR STUDENT.WHY?BECAUSE I WANT PEOPLE TO NOTICE ME, TO LOVE ME-IT STEMS FROM CHILDHOOD-I CANT GO INTO DETAIL, I WONT ACCEPT THOSE THINGS HAPPENED-WE COVER UP OUR HURT WITH DELUSIONS TO PROTECT OURSELVES. ITS TRUE, NO ONE CAN HELP US-I HAVE RUINED 2 MENS LIVES ALREADY, BY LETTING THEM LOVE ME, THEN HURTING THEM-I SAY TO MYSELF, HOW DARE THEY LOVE ME, THEY CANT LOVE A WONDERFUL THING LIKE ME...SAD ISNT IT?

THE ONLY THING TO DO, IS LET US CARRY ON IN OUR SAD WORLDS.

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Loving the lier? I now ask myself, "what in the world was I in love with anyway?" Was I in love with the lies? It is true that liers reveal nothing of themselves and invest nothing in feelings of the positive kind for anyone else. So indeed, what was I in love with? Of course I did not want to see the pathology in front of me, is that a pathology in itself, the victim being just as much to blame? True he had the hottest stickman bod I have ever seen, yet I know nothing about him, likely the stories of his serving 3 sentences is as untrue as his claims to being straight despite having reached in my pants. Is there a cure for these people? And if you take apart the original person and make them anew, haven't you murdered the old? What is a person? Is a person?

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Yes narcissists are pathological liars. They will lie about everything, and do anything to keep their lies alive. I know a narcissist. She was and still is to this day my best friend. She has run away from everything that she believes is unpleasant in her current life and emerges somewhere else with a new life full of lies and half truths. She has many children most of which she has put up for adoption all over the west coast, with some kind of sob story about why she is doing what she is doing. She has two children who live with her parents on the east coast that she just up and left behind one day when she decided that she didn't want to be a 24 year old mother of two, but a 19 year old college student. She has a lot of self-hate, and in order to romantize herself and her background she makes up stories. She goes online and lies to meet men, despite the fact that she told me that she was married a few months ago. I don't know if she is telling me the truth or telling me things that she thinks I will envy or find fascinating. Eventhough she is intelligent and creative, she is so caught up in her fantasy world that I am afraid that one day she will snap and will no longer be able to tell the difference between the real world and the fantasy one that she has created.

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I have been involved with a female narcissist for a year and a half. The lies are incredible and they project everything back on you. She tells me that I am crazy and I must be paranoid about the other men in her life. Then when I try to leave her, she tells me I am the only stability in her life. If I am this paranoid monster and wrong about everything, how could I possibly be a stable force in her life. They contradict themselves in the same conversation. Bizarre and mentally abusive.

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i was brought up in a family that lying was illegal. how did i end up being in a relationship with one for 4 years? i didn't know they egxisted, the constant turmoil of not loving them enough, always checking were i am, and the nights calling a cell phone that never replied, only to have them at your doorstep the next afternoon like they could not live without you. when confronted about something that didn't add up, she got upset and somehow i walked away not having a clear answer and it being my fault. all i've read above - thanks for your input. i been out of it for 3 months and miss her, she has tried everything to get me back, break in, get all my friends to beleive we should get back, i just got a call from my dentist secretary - (i don't even know her)they are very good in getting people to help them and throw them away or bad mouthing them yes i was caught up in the fantasy, i also have a problem with relatonship commentments so this was perfect for her. it was very unheathly, she had everyone in my family fooled, until she asked over and over if she should go to see her aunt and stay over, when i went to her house (the one she bought while she lived with me i didn'tknow about) to get laptop in morning, she was there and with another man, but this guy was just someone who needed a place to stay because they had too much to drink, while i'm looking at his duffle bag, and she really loved me and wants to marry me. yes all the signs were there the "can we talk about this later, blameing me, then coming over, crying and never edmitting anything was wrong, BUT HERE WERE THE WORDS THAT SLIPPED OUT BY MISTAKE "IF YOU HAD NOT OF COME OVER YOU WOULD OF NEVER KNOW AND EVERYTHING WOULD BE FINE". God help her

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They are pathological in almost everything they do. My ex was an N and he spun a web of lies so proufound that to this day I can hardly believe someone can be that way. The worst thing was that nobody but me knew.

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My names Jim,I'm not sure if i'm doing this right or not but I'm going to try to help. I lied to my soon to be ex-wife, nothing near as bad as some of the things, some of you went through. But I did lie. I lied because i thought my wife was soooo much better than me, and i just wanted her to think I was good enought. I just couldn't beleive that someone would like me for me. And now I've lost her,and this I except. I understand (I think) how she feels, and I agree, that I made a massive unforgivable mistake.

I guess what I want to say is don't blame yourself if you are a victim of someone liying to you. You may feel like it but you are NOT!!! a physcho magnet. And you do deserve better. I lost the greatest thing in my life, my other half.

Because I hate myself. I'm getting better, I hope. At least I have relized my mistakes, and I know I have a long road ahead of me before I can hope to called healthy.

And it will be a long time before I will be able to trust myself to be in another realtionship.

I can't do this to another person, I've hurt a truly beautiful soul, and I wish I could fix the damage i did to my wife, I wish I could just erase the memory of me from her mind.... But I can't this is her cross to carry, and I placed it on her shoulder.

God i suck.

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Do i Lie? In short yes. Nothing new after reading this webpage. Manipulating people..Yes...Crying out for attention...Yes...Making everything more melodramatic than it is..yes...

Are people confused by my stories? Yes Do I like what I do? No Am i trying to do anything to stop it? Constantly Do people like me have low self esteem ? Yes Do I always premeditate the lie ? No Is it something that I can control ? No as it happens , with a life of its own.. it just springs from some inner reach until you cant stop. If someone is reading this they are sceptical of it...but that is how it seems to me What am i doint to stop it ? Seeing a therapist. IS it helping ? I dont know.... ( this bit is honest...) What is the biggest whopper that I have told.? I have been diagnosed by cancer and am undergoing treatment and its cured and how brave I was.... Is there a common pattern? Yes like everyone else on this website...always done to make myself look good ......better...than everyone..get the attention to me....manipulate things to suit me....

I could keep going more and more.... All I see is how bad I am ...I already know that...I need help. Is this thing that makes me do this curable....should I stop trying....and at least be happy for sometime...with the lies....I need to know that there is someone who used to do this and has been able to get out of donig this.. I wish I had something physical wrong with me as tha could be fixed.....but this ...all i see is people like me hurting others and everyone saying get out of a reltionship with a Liar...But is there a place that will help me become a decent person...or maybe I should just give up now....

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They are extremely talented in lying, however I should not say talented. This is not something to be proud of, what has happened is they have learned from early on that they can keep getting away with it and has made them feel "talented" in yet another aspect of their life (i.e. besides being beautiful, smart, etc.). Their lies are so convincing that you will never figure it out until you are at this stage of your research on narcissism - reading forums. Always remember one thing: IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, you just happened to be a victim of a very uncommon and unforunately - in my opinion - a well researched disorder that needs to be far more publicized to the general public.

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Unfortunately for the N him/herself and others, yes, they are liars. To others and also to themselves. Even as a teenager I felt that my father was somehow 'living a lie', had such an inpenetrable facade to the outside world, a facade to protect himself from further emotional pain. I am 50 yrs old, in 2006, and when my mother died when I was 16 years old asked my father how she died. He replied that he didn't know. He has never ever mentioned her again. Not once - as if she'd never existed! A few years ago I asked him why he told me that he didn't know how/why my mother had died. He replied that he thought that "it was not important to you". He became so outraged and affronted when I tried to challenge him about this and while wildly flailing his arms with a deep red face and booming voice shouted "I never lie!" He feins ignorance about certain events, denies saying (critical/belittling) things to me or invents responses on the spot which are plainly false and expects me to believe him. However, he would never admit such things. ==

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N or not.... my experience is that they lie without thought, morning noon and night. They lie for no reason and lie really really fast when under the gun, busted and about to be unveiled.

Still.... they don't put much thought into the lies, lol. When you start asking questions about the hasty cover lies.... they begin backpeddling and saying they never said that. You may even question whether you heard it or not, lol. They formulate better lies then....and may recruit co workers or friends to swear for them. In our case... the recruit knew about his affairs and had been caught in her own cheating and so was sympathetic and willing to tell me I was crazy.... and there was no other woman. Who knows if he was humping her or not? I don't care any longer and I didn't take a bite of that particular red herring, lol. And red herring it was.

On the whole.... their lies are spiced with threats (usually the kind they can't carry out), physical violence and agitation that you DARE TO QUESTION THEM! They may also spice them up with accusations that you are disrespectful and unnapreciative. hee

They've been feeding all their friends and family versions of you and themselves so don't be too shocked when people you go to for help, tell you that you and some made up idiot habit of yours is the "real problem." Continue to expect it when, in the face of facts.... they begin telling you how sorry N feels and you should consider giving the relationship another chance, at least for the children's sake. "Awww.... he looks sooooo sad." Even the friends and family who've seen the Demon..... they still try to convince you to do what the N wants. Don't question it or try to convince them otherwise. Stay focused.

So.... now you've contacted a Divorce attorney. He told you to expect your mate to get very very very.... very very..... nice. And he does! Much to your amazement, lol! Don't expect it to last if you're sticking to your guns. When he learns you aren't going to go all mushy over his kindness (like he assumed you would....and darnit he was all ready to tell ya he "still" loved you and would forgive you for filing)....the Demon comes back!

When he arrives.... he's still lying and threatening but not likely to physically assault you, now you've got an attorney involved. ::whew!:: huh? He can't tell the same story twice.... in any case. Even though he might actually do it if he could, just to shut you up and get you off his back, lol. He can't. Part of the problem is all the details will just make you more ticked off so he's not offering them up, in whole, every time he's in the hotseat. Lying just appeals to him more than telling the truth, apologizing and treating you better. Now that WOULD be novel, eh? There's always some mutation, or ommission of the truth that get's him in trouble when asked the same question over and over again.

You may eventually hear more of the truth than you bargained for, if you continue to ask for the truth and don't settle for less. Ouch and just when you thought your adrenal system couldn't knock your left shoulder out of socket again! He'll keep lighting himself on fire and shooting himself in the foot with lies, in any case. When you get tired of the pattern..... it's time to let your attorney ask the questions. Not pretty but..... there it is. Good luck, Tremusan

First answer by ID3451680007. Last edit by Lalala555. Contributor trust: 0 [recommend contributor]. Question popularity: 343 [recommend question]