Can my ex wife's husband spank my children against my wishes?

Answer 1

United States

Generally, no. Generally, a step parent has no legal rights regarding the child and that includes physical punishment. The biological parent should handle punishment.

Physical punishment should never be administered by a step parent unless both biological parents have agreed to allow the step parent to mete out physical punishment. When a biological father has objected to a step-father striking his child against his wishes he not only has the right to object but also the right and obligation to report physical abuse to the proper authorities (the family court with jurisdiction over the case). If the situation is serious enough it may result in a change of custody once the court has reviewed the situation.

It should be noted that legal rights and step parents don't become an issue in most blended families and society in general is casual about the relationship between children and step parents. The issue arises when the legal rights of a step-parent are questioned due to some circumstances (such as the one brought here) and found wanting. A step-father is not a legal guardian unless he legally adopts the child. He has no right to impose his view of parenting and physical punishment on another parent and child, especially over the objections of the biological parent who has parental rights.

Many people look to child abuse laws for answers to questions about spanking children. Many people feel that a parent has the right to spank their child. Many of the state child abuse laws are from the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries and evolved from a time when corporeal punishment was thought to be the best way to discipline a child. The thought was that good behavior could be beaten into a child. Child abuse laws didn't evolve until long after cruelty to animals became illegal, in the late nineteenth century. In fact, in seventeenth century Colonial America the Massachusetts General Court passed a stubborn child law. If a child of sixteen or older would not obey his father the child could be prosecuted and put to death.

Child abuse is not exactly the stated issue here although it may be a component. The issue is a step-father with no parental rights striking a child against the wishes of the biological father with parental rights. In earlier times a step-father usually stood in for a deceased father. There was the conviction that the husband was the head of the household and no one questioned his authority so the step-father acquired parental authority over the children. Remember, women and children did not have much legal existence in those days. That conviction hangs on. Modern blended families require new rules of operation.

The father who asked this question should consult with an attorney as soon as possible, one who is an expert in child custody issues. The attorney can review the situation and explain dad's options under state laws. All should also note the caveat stated at the state law link:

• Warning: The existence of these laws should not be considered to be a defense for actually spanking a child in any state in the United States. Family courts have been known to ignore the law.

Indeed, family courts are known to ignore these laws because they do not exactly apply to modern situations or to the situation addressed in this answer page. A quick review of the laws reveals the customary lack of clarity in the meaning of terms. Also, they are most definitely not "spanking laws". They are child abuse laws. Step parents are not mentioned specifically and there is much use of terms such as:

• reasonably believes
• reasonably necessary
• reasonably appropriate
• reasonable exercise of parental discipline
• reasonable physical force

Reasonableness is an inexact term that is often left up to a judge and jury. For informal compilations of state child abuse laws by a group that promotes spanking in the United Stated see the related link.