Can you recognize a narcissist by his eyes?

When I met my NPD ex, he was persuing me very hard. In fact so hard that it was uncomfortable, but I was very young and didn't know to trust my judgment. Sometimes we would be at a restaurant and he would grab my hand and just stare at me. Which by itself is not a problem, I think lots of people do this when they are infatuated. But what was weird is his stare, there was no real feeling behind it. It felt like he read to do this somewhere (dating manual) that this is what you supposed to do to bring women to their knees. The stare was empty, snake like, somewhat socio-pathic. I dismissed my own alarm about it. Now thinking back, that should of been a warning. I have had other relationships since then. I have had people stare at me since then, but at least their stare contained, love, desire or something...

Answer

This was the final piece of evidence I needed. I was totally under his control when he would do his stare. He would angle his face to one side and slightly raise his chin and stare into me. And I mean really into me - like he was reading what I was thinking and almost controlling my thoughts. The stare would be held and would be utterly seductive and totally compelling. Reptilian is the PERFECT description. I would feel like a rabbit caught in the headlight. Completly under his control. Every time I would try to break up with him or get away I would get this stare. I have never met anybody else who would do it - or be able to. I would say to him stop looking at me like that and he would say I was the one who was staring. It would render me totally his. Three of my friends al pointed a different stare out to me - one of evil jealousy. In that he would glare at friends of mine who I was talking to. He would also NEVER take his eyes off me if we were out in company. Would be scanning my every move. The final look in his eyes was one of nothing. I I was tentitively trying to talk about us - he would not be able to make eye contact and would look down and shake his head. I could almost see his brain working behind his eyes in order to come up with another lie. ALso when we did make love his eyes would almost be half closed and glazed over. Like he was mastrabating rather than connecting. When we would get together hew would hold my head and TELL me to look into his eyes. TELL me to tell him I loved him. I could not. I know that something was very wrong, however I had after 3.5 years of it come to beleive that I was a cold worthless robot with no emotion at all. I finally ended it by ignoring him - it was the only way - I cut his supply. WIthin 2 weeks he was in love with another and getting married.... I occassionally bump into him and get the stare - the reptilian one - it makes me want to be physically sick.

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First answer by Cactusgirl. Last edit by Cactusgirl. Contributor trust: 4 [recommend contributor]. Question popularity: 165 [recommend question].