What is the best way to confront a cheating wife when you have undeniable proof?

(3) On April 25, 2010 at 11:16 am 2chakra [0] said:

My wife confides in a friend of ours with all of her secrets. I have proof of this as they have both discussed with me secrets which my wife has told her in the past. This friend, confides in her sister a lot and talks to her about most everything. This friends sister who she confides in is also my friend, and recently told me that my wife has either seen or has been seeing my friend of many years (now a mutual friend of my wife and I). I suspected that this has happened for some time now. I do not have solid evidence, other than the fact that my wife had told her friend that she did (but did not tell her sister all of the details, etc) so she didnt have a lot of information to give me other than what I have already mentioned. So, my wife and I have had some relationship problems for a few years now, none of which included infideliity that I knew of. Just the rigors of middle aged life (late thirties), being married for a long time, stresses of works and commutes, stresses of kids, etc. The bottom line is, I love my wife, do not want to leave her. I understand how it is to have things missing in your relationship, emotionally, physically, etc that make you feel like having some type of relationship outside of the marriage, so I believe that I can forgive, and understand how those stresses play on a marriage and how someone can give in to those. One thing is for sure however, and that is I bellieve that you need to have complete and open honesty in a marriage, on both sides, and if you truly love someone, you can tell the truth, deal with the remaining issues and as long as history is not repeated you can move forward in a better light, with both parties learning from mistakes which might have contributed to this. So, with that said, I have a decision to make. Do I confront her with evidence of what I was told? And destroy the relationship of my friend and her sister for telling me? Do I confront my friend tell him that I forgive him as long as he comes clean with the truth and details and ends anything that is going on if anything currently (He is not the type to have a permanent relationship with any woman so I really do not fear that as an issue, I believe if anything, that she would do this to get back at me for her frustrations or to try something new and different). My wife has stated that regardless ofour frusterations with each other and our fights, that she loves me, and our family and wants to work it out, however, whenever you try to talk to her about anything which she might have lied on (I just caught her in one), and etc, she just blows up ballistically utilizing that as a hiding/defense mechanism. I believe confronting my friend first would be the best bet. Trying to catch him at a time when he cannot contact my wife and warn her so that when I approach her with details that the element of surprise isnt gone (taking away time for making up excuses or stories). Any offers of suggestion/experience would be greatly appreciated. My desire is to confront the truth, have us both learn from our mistakes and move forward. I love her, and I love my family. Thank you

(2) On July 11, 2006 at 7:58 pm 24.116.166.69 said:

I am sorry that you just found out. my wife and I have been married for six years when she cheated on me. I was very devastated, I could not believed what she has done. our marriage had problems, but I did not believe that these type of problem will lead to something like this. She did it when i was away, I went to visit my family for a whole month to san diego. I had a feeling that she was doing it but I was not sure. she was acting very strange. she knew that she got caught because I was asking her and telling her that she was acting very different torwards me. I used to tell her " I know that you are cheating on me, so please tell me with who." but she denied all the time. until finaly she came out and told me. I was heart broken because she kept it from me for a whole year. she was with this guy for an average of a month, and according to her they did not have any sex. but is very hard to believe. I was mad at her for a while, very sad and depress at the same time. but then I used to think of all the good times that we have had in the past. I knew that this guy was not able to offer her any of the things that I have to offer, and she knew that. she told me that she did this because she felt very depress about our marriage and that this guy felt her pain and started talking to her, and I think this is when she started feeling close to this guy. First, I tried to find out why she did it, second, try to solve the problem(if you want to be with her), third ask her if she wants to be with you and only you. and fourth go to a marriage consular. my wife and I went to one and it did help alot. I never thought that it will work but it did. remember it takes two people to make a marriage work, and both of you must want it. My wife and I are very happy now. good luck

(1) On July 10, 2006 at 11:23 pm 150.252.72.6 said:

Even though you may think you caught it before sex started, you didn't... women are smart. they hide it well. dont believe her when she says no sex happened

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