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Jokes and Riddles
Tickle your brain! Laugh and have some fun! f you know a great, non-offensive joke or riddle, this is the place for it!
Total questions 11300
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Woodchucks Chucking Wood The woodchuck could chuck as much wood as he wanted! By the way what is a woodchuck? Is it like a...
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
For all intents and purposes, the chicken probably crossed the road to get to the other side. But then, perhaps we should look at...
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Is the statement 'this statement is false' true or false?
"This statement is false." is known as a liar's paradox. It is an illustration of inherent flaws in logic. Another example of a...
Popularity: 119 • Tools: Recategorize
In Lewis Carroll's 'Alice's Adventures in Wonderland' what is the answer to the Mad Hatter's riddle 'Why is a raven like a writing desk'?
"Have you guessed the riddle yet?" the Hatter said, turning to Alice again."No, I give it up," Alice replied. "What's the...
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Where do snowmen go to dance?
To snowballs.
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What is greater than God... more evil than the devil... the poor have it... the rich need it... and if you eat it you will die?
"Nothing" is the answer to the riddle. Nothing is greater than God or more evil than the devil. Poor people have nothing and...
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How is a refrigerator like a cat?
They both puuuurrrrrr They both run! LOL
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What pranks can you play on people when they sleep over?
IMPORTANT: Never do anything that could cause harm, or severe discomfort, such as using hot sauce or shoving items up their nose,...
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What occurs once in every minute twice in every moment yet never in a thousand years?
The letter 'm'. Once in every minute, twice in every moment, yet never in a thousand years, (no 'm' there) Unless you consider...
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If two frogs bet 300 dollars on dog racing how much do they win?
Why would frogs have money?! ---- This depends on which dog wins, if both frogs pick the wrong dog, they wouldn't win...
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Why are jokes about people with no arms considered funny?
Of course it isn't funny. It's an example of cruel, insensitive people who take delight in ridiculing those who have a serious...
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How did blonde jokes get started?
Actually, blonde jokes started because of one person. Ever heard of Marilyn Monroe? She decided that in her life she would...
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What word has 6 letters the last one being a vowel and it's something you would put on to go outside BUT if you change the last letter to a consonant it becomes an outdoor activity?
Bikini and you change the "I" to a "G." Biking.
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What is the thing which comes 'once in a year' 'two times in a month' 'four times a week' and 'six times a day'?
'Odd' numbers. '6' in a Day, there are 6 odd hours.- take day hours in 12 hour format, not in a 24 hour format. (1), 2, (3), 4,...
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What weighs more 1 kilogram of feathers or 1 kilogram of bricks?
They weigh the same! It's a trick question. This is a trick question: A kilogram is a measurement of weight, so they weigh the...
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When will Orlando 'bloom'?
Usually around Early June or late May. As long as you water it every day you should be good and it should take care of...
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You have 2 coins in your pocket that equal thirty cents - one coin is not a nickel - what coins are in your pocket?
Two coins: 1- 'One coin is not a nickel' -- that's the quarter. 2- The other coin is the nickel. Translation for...
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If April showers bring May Flowers then May Flowers bring what?
Pilgrims, as in "Mayflower"? Or, "April Showers bring May Flowers, May Flowers bring JUNE BUGS!! BEES lots and lots of bees@!!
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What is the island nation whose capital city's name is derived from its estuarine position?
Tokyo meaning 'the eastern capital' in japanese I believe the Island would be Japan, Tokyo is the capital of said island.
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Why didn't the zombie eat the clown?
Because he tasted funny
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When do the cows come home?
When its the farmers and his wifes 'mating season'. "'Till the cows come home" means forever. If you talk to a dairy farmer who...
Popularity: 61 • Tools: Recategorize
How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one. The narcissist holds the bulb and the world turns beneath them. = Answer = Well now, if the lightbulb has VERY GOOD...
Popularity: 60 • Tools: Recategorize
I am a thing Teachers hate me Cows like me Monkeys eat me I have 9 letters 2nd is a 5th is o 8th is Y?
tautonyms - the clues all refer to words that repeat in a name or classification. Teachers hate me : botany no longer allows the...
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What do they have in common Alberta Calgary Banff Glacier Park Kamloops Tsawwassen Sooke?
They're all in western Canada?
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There is a house in which all the walls face south a bear walks by a window what color is the bear?
It's white (a polar bear) because you're at the North Pole.
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What is considered the hardest riddle in the world?
This question is mainly opinion; the riddles that users have thought to be the hardest are as follows: In a street there are...
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Where do polar bears vote?
The North Polls. Anywhere he wants. Answer: They can't vote because they don't have voter id.
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What can pass through water without getting wet?
Light. Light and any type of gas. Electricty!
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Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because seven was hungry and "seven, eight, nine" (7, 8, 9).
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A man walked into a bar and ordered a drink but instead the bartender pointed a gun at him the man smiled and thanked the bartender and left whats going on?
A good bartender is supposed to know what kind of drink the customer wants. He evidently saw that his customer had the hiccups....
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How do you open a door without using your hands?
Well i kick my door open my handle is the one you pull up or if i'm in my house and my hands are full i can use my toes ...
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What did the wave say to the ocean?
nothing he justed waved...lol Keep it up and my name is mud It's high tide I get out of here.
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Why can't leopards play hide and seek?
Because they are always spotted. They dont know how to count 1 to 100. umm they cant count or they'll probably eat...
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If there are 500 sheep 2 sheep dogs and 5 foxes how many sheep will there be left?
The simple answer would be : none eventually with three foxes eating them up. But the joke answer would be : 500. Wolves, not...
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You are in a room where there are no objects except for two iron rods Only one of them is a magnet How can you identify the magnet?
Take a rod and touch with its end the middle of the second rod. If they move closer to one another, then you have a magnet in...
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What do Eskimoes get when they sit on ice too long?
Polaroids :)
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How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
Imagine you are a blond (if you aren't one ) Put her in a circular room and tell her to find four corners Get a piece of...
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If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares why is there a song about it?
The original song, written around 1846 was used in reference to slave(s). If you read the lyrics When I was young I used to...
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How many pecks of pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?
Peter Piper didn't pick any pecks of pickled peppers 'cause pickled peppers aren't pickled when they are picked. So peter piper...
Popularity: 49 • Tools: Recategorize
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
Old Answer : to get to the other side. New Answer : to get to his outer hide. Lame Joke : to get to the body shop. Or : to...
Popularity: 49 • Tools: Recategorize
Where can a one legged waitress find work?
A one legged waitress can work at IHOP. Eileen's Cheesecake, Eileen's Country Kitchen, or any other variation of the Eileen...
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Why did the blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
She didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.
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How do you make the number seven even?
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Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
You have me laughing out loud. It's like the question "Why is the word infinitesimal so big?" LOL. Kinda like "Why is it called...
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What does the joke 'Why can't hipsters do karate ... because they can't get past the white belt' mean and why is it funny?
A hipster is a skirt worn low on the hips, below the belt line. A hipster can't get past the white belt because it's worn below...
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Why is an alarm clock going off when it actually turns on?
First of all it is not the clock that is going off, it is the alarm. The alarm is not coming on as the alarm has already been set...
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If you are born again do you have two belly buttons?
No. Being born again is a spiritual term. You don't get physically reborn. You can't physically reenter your mother's womb and be...
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What is behind the green glass door?
Green is behind the green glass door. Glass is behind the green glass door. Door is behind the green glass door. Streets are...
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How do you steal Lucky Charms?
"Don't Steal Me Lucky Charms," as they say. Stealing is illegal.
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What do you call four blondes in a Volkswagen?
Far-from-thinkin.
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Why did the basketball player go to the doctor?
since doctors clinic is far away........so he had to...go Because he couldn't stop dribbling. Because, on the...
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What do penguins ride?
Ice cycles. Also.... Other penguins
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Can rapidly clicking on the mouse and yelling at your computer decrease load time?
Based on results from continuously pressing the elevator call button to make the elevator come to your floor faster, this very...
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What is the best thing since sliced bread?
Chuck Norris answered by firebird1282 My latest invention. Really, Sliced bread was invented in 1927 and began production in...
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What do you call a poster advertising the last teddy for sale?
A one ted poster.
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How many DIY buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but it takes him two weekends and three trips to the hardware store.
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How many recovering addicts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
three they say "stuff this CRACK it open!"
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Knock knock who's there?
Doris. Doris who? Doris locked -- that's why I had to knock! Teddy. Teddy who? Teddy is the first day of the rest of your...
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The one who made it didn't want it. The one who bought it didn't need it. The one who used it never saw it. What is it?
The answer is a coffin. (ulp!)
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How does the man on the moon cut his hair?
The man on the moon... eclipse it.
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What do you get if you cross an artist with a policeman?
A brush with the law.
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If a rancher has 33 head of cattle standing in a field when suddenly a bolt of lightning kills all but 9 of them then how many head of cattle are left standing?
9 because the lightning kills ALL, BUT nine cattle. So all the cattle are dead except for 9 I think 0 because wouldn't the...
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If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?
BALLS test-icals lol Just a funny little note to add on here if a person who is receiving a letter is the addressee then a...
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What is a thing which come once in a year twice in a month four time in a week and six time in a day?
In a day we have six odd hours, in a week there are four odd days, in a month there are two odd weeks and these appear once in a...
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How many reruns can be reran before having to be rewound to be reran as a rerun?
One. After the first rerun, it's always a rerun and needs rewound. I disagree before you can rerun something it has to be...
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Do fish get thirsty?
They sure do! Freshwater fish receive water by it going into their skin and into the system, but they do get some water through...
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What does the sentence 'The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog' have that no other sentence has?
This sentence has every letter in the alphabet in it. May be the shortest sentence using the entire alphabet. exept v so it...
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What is the difference between kamikaze watermelons and kamikaze bombers?
one tasty one blow your brains up One is a fruit that you scream for joy when you enjoy it, one screams KAMIKAZE!!!! back at you...
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What is it that fishermen love and doctors hate?
the answer is CHATHURINGMES its a sort of worm,, may be latin or spanish for worms............ but i dont know why kids...
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If you have two drums one is three gallons and the other is five if you have an unlimited supply of water but need to get exactly four gallons how could you do it?
Fill the 5-gallon drum. Pour the contents into the 3-gallon drum, filling it. Now you have 2 gallons left in the big one. Empty...
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Why is it that raindrops but snowfalls?
Same reason that blood clots and snowflakes. What is the reason?
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Why did King Kong buy 15 pairs of shoes?
Because he was a 30-foot monster. -Secretly, he had a shoe fetish, and when he got to New York and saw all the shops, he just...
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Why did the strawberry go out with the plum?
Because it could not get a date. To help out someone who was in a jam. to be strabery plum
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What are some signs that you might be a redneck?
Here are what WikiAnswers lively contributors have to say: You may be a redneck if you are capable of rebuilding your old Chevy...
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Which is the funniest joke in the world?
there was a man who always did five poos a day. one day he did 4. why? because he had constipation hahahahahahah
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Why cant the blonde add 10 and 7 on a calculator?
Because she can't find the 10 key.
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Why shouldn't a deaf or disabled person get the deaf penalty?
Because they already suffered enough from your question.
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Are crop circles the work of a cereal killer?
Husk,Husk! How RYE you are. WHEAT can't be sure about this. A rather CORNY question to ask. Strange BRAN of humor you've got...
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What did the rabbit corkscrew say to the wine bottle?
It said, 'No wine for you... unless you open up!"
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Who made up jokes?
Anyone with a good sense of humor and imagination. Then where did humor come from?
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Can you get cornered in a round room?
There is two answers to this question the reason being is because you can be surounded by alot of people in a round room. No,...
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What is black and white and red all over?
A Newspaper sunburned penguin Jasmine!! :) i'm mixed with black and white and have a really bad sunburn
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What is the Spanish name for Lance?
there's not a spanish name for Lance It is Lanza
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Would you use a silencer if you were going to shoot a mime?
Affirmative. Personally? Yes. ANSWER: I would never shoot a mime. That would be a waste of a bullet. Hang the mime! Hang...
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How many vampires does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they like it in the dark.
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Can you say 3 sentences about silly?
Yes you can Answer: The question is silly. This sentence is silly. You are silly. Three sentences about silly
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What are some good riddles?
They are triplets, not...
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What is a good comeback to You're fat?
i may be fat, but you're ugly. I can diet yeah, well at least i don't have cancer you're fatter that's because i can actually...
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Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
Because he was too chicken This is the best one yet and it is the true one. because there was a KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken) on...
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Gift and you are cursed?
It helps if you put your question in a complete sentence, even if it is a joke.
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How many bites can you take off a whole sandwich?
Just one. Then it is no longer a whole sandwich.
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What flies when its on and floats when its off?
A feather. A puddle jumper (float plane)??? A UFO. (although, they technically hover when they're off)??? There is a...
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Angry and hungry are two common words in the English language that end with gry. What is the third word?
Note that, in this form of the question, it is never stated that there ARE three common English words that end with "gry", just...
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Why does Santa have three gardens?
Because so he can HO HO HO get it so he can HO HO HO!!!!!!!!
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If you build a house with 4 sides and rectangular structure with each side facing sound and southern exposure and a bear walks by - what color is it?
White ... it is a polar bear.
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What do the police call it when they watch a vampires castle?
A stake out
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Why did the strawberry cry?
Because his mother was in a jam.
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Why are artists never short on money?
Because they can 'draw' their own salary.
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What is greater than God more evil than the devil poor people have it rich people want it and if you eat it you will die??
The answer to the riddle is "nothing". (Nothing is greater than God. Nothing is more evil than the devil. The poor have nothing....
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