How can a person help their 8-year-old daughter deal with her narcissistic father and prevent her from becoming a narcissist herself?

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It's true that children often pick up habits from their parents, but also genetics are involved. You didn't mention if you were still married to your husband and if so, then perhaps it's time to consider a separation for now and try for full custody so it will give you a chance to straighten your daughter out. You know the quote "Out of sight, out of mind." At first you will have your hands full because he is her father, but this is simply the only resolution.

Answer

Well, it is hereditary, but is activated by the way the child is treated. By the age of 8, you should know whether she's a narcissist or not. Narcissism takes hold at about age 3. By age 6, it's pretty much irreversible. I have an 8-year-old niece who has a narcissistic father. She shows strong signs of narcissism. She will stand in a doorway and refuse to move when asked. She will take a baby's food and eat it and ask for more. She insists that her grandmother wipe her when she goes to the toilet, and makes her grandmother carry and hold her, although she is almost as heavy as her grandmother. She stares at adults unblinkingly, and asks them rude questions about their personal affairs and mocks them. She takes items out of the hands of adults and children alike with no thought for the other person. This is narcissistic behavior in an 8-year-old.

My niece wasn't raised around her father, but she was raised in daycare quite a lot. There, they couldn't or didn't know to foster empathy in her. Apparently her mother wasn't able to do this either. She was also around my ex a lot at age 3, and he is a narcissist. Narcissism runs heavy in his family.

I believe my daughter does not have it at this time. But she is only 2 and is still susceptible. I am working with her very closely on empathy and on recognizing other's emotions and kindness. When she gets a little older we will work on such issues as truth and honesty and talk about why others might lie. Consistency and truthfulness is extremely important. Also one must NEVER bend the rules. A child with narcissistic genes must not be given the message that they are the exception to the rule. Humility and ordinary-ness is good for these children. I try to emphasize to my child that she may be smart or pretty, but so are others and she's not entitled to special privileges because of that. She has to get with the program like everybody else.

It's a sticky issue and really challenging to deal with. Obviously, it's super-important that she not be exposed to her dad. I'm actually considering moving across the country to avoid that side of the family.

One thing, I'd never leave the daughter alone with the father. Narcissistic fathers are emotionally abusive, and even worse, known for sexual molestation. I'd really, really watch her. Good luck to you.

First answer by Marcy. Last edit by Nex. Contributor trust: 113 [recommend contributor]. Question popularity: 26 [recommend question]