How can you deal with a 17 year old daughter who completely disrespects the entire family and your house rules and is verbaly abusive and a racist?

Answer 1

Children just don't happen to get to this point, but since she was young she was able to get away with a lot of things. Who in the family is racist? Like puppies, children are often cute and cuddly and it's tough to dish out punishment at times. Parenting, as I am sure you know is a difficult task and one of the hardest jobs a person will ever have in their lifetime. Your daughter needs to get out in the REAL world and see what it is all about. I realize what I propose next will be very difficult for you, but unless you let your daughter spread her wings and learn from experience you will lose her anyway. Go to the courts and actually "divorce" your daughter! This is called "emancipation" and through a court order she will be forced to leave your home and if she doesn't hold down a job, doesn't show any sign of maturity and she is a minor she will either become a Ward of the Court, or put into foster care. I realize this action will pain you greatly but your daughter is part child and part woman (difficult time in any teens life.) Some teens think they have all the answers to everything and some just want to flex their independence even though the parents realize their child is far from independent. Get tough and stick to it! Quit blaming yourself, and realize that not all kids are angels. There are so many dangerous temptations out there (drugs, alcohol, etc) that we didn't have to face years ago. There is a great deal of peer pressure for the kids as well and they know much more about world events then we did growing up because of the every day 24/7 media on TV and radio. If you don't emancipate from your daughter she could well cause major family problems and possibly end your relationship with your husband or other children. Children who are having problems at home when in their teens can cause so much trouble and the constant fighting and arguing drains you and the rest of your family. From the state your daughter is in now you have absolutely no control over her, so emancipate! Be sure you tell her you love her and when and if she ever grows up your front door is always open. Other than that you don't owe her one darn thing. A warning: Be prepared for some swearing, stomping, rolling of eyes and screaming because she isn't going to like what I hope you will do. Keep strong because there are thousands of other parents going through what you are. See your family doctor and try and find a group you can get some support from. Good luck Marcy