How can you tell a long-time guy friend that you have feelings for him?

Answer

The old-fashioned advice is: A woman never makes the first move. Believe it or not, there are good reasons to follow this advice. First, if a man IS interested, it may at first be a relief to him that he did not have to face possible rejection, but it's also a wake-up call to him that he hasn't the confidence (or courage) necessary. He may resent you later in some deep way for infringing on his territory. In fact, YOU may later come to feel that he is a wuss, simply because you had to pinch-hit for his confidence. Second, if he is NOT interested, then you've opened yourself up to the perception of a "forward lady." Regardless of the advances in sexuality equality, a man will many times form an opinion of you based solely on this first move. If he rejects your advance, you may come to feel anyway that it was this bold advance which drove him away. If he accepts your advance, you may wonder still what he thinks of you deep down. As you can see, it's a touchy and risky situation for you. You risk a number of unwanted predicaments for the gamble that he feels the same way as you. Perhaps you should pray on this, and wait. Maybe your feelings will pass in time. If not, and indeed they grow stronger, and the right moment presents itself, you may wish to take that risk.

Answer

I'm a bit old fashioned myself and what the other poster said can be true, but I'm finding it's time to change or be lost in the dust.

This is indeed a very delicate matter. Because of women having more individual rights and more freedoms in this modern age many men are basically scared of a reaction they may have from women if they show their own feelings (just take a boo on this board from male posters.) If you feel he has close feelings with you, then I would communicate your feelings to him. I wouldn't go into great detail that would cause him to run for the hills, but when the time is right simply say, "We have been good friends for a very long time and I must admit I am growing fonder of you as time passes." This is a remark within a remark and doesn't put you or him on the hot seat. This does open up the conversation and you either you will get little hints that he cares about you too or he'll let you know he wants to remain friends. If he has a girlfriend already I wouldn't press it.

My husband and I were good friends first, then fell in love and I think that is one of the healthiest relationships going. We got to know each other and we had a lot in common and the same hopes and dreams. Being friends first often makes your marriage just grow stronger.

Good luck Marcy

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