How do emotionally abusive and sometimes absent fathers affect their daughter's relationships with other men?

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I too was abused for 10 or 20 years, please do not spend the next 30 years dwelling on it. Read self help books, on happiness such as "Being Happy" and "How to Snap Out of It".

Now that the abuse is in the past, go ahead and enjoy your life. Break free of the mental chains that have been programmed in your psyche - LAUGH, SMILE, TRAVEL, and BE POSITIVE AND BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON. YOU ARE A SURVIVOR!!

Girls, please repeat this mantra: "I will marry a loving and caring man". Positive thinking really does work. For those with social interaction problems, please repeat daily, "I treat people with respect, and am respected back". I wish you all a very happy and prosperous life. Remember that happiness is based on your perception, such as being grateful for the most basic things such as shelter and health. Please do not depend on other people to make you happy - accept people for who they are and not what they can do for you. You are not crazy and most certainly are not alone in your grief, sorrow and regrets - forums like this prove it.

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My father was an alcoholic. He abused my mother verbally, refused to have anything to do with me as a child, and when my mom finally left when I was 11, he was supportive for a while but then would tell me that I was not his daughter but his roommate, and that he couldn't wait till I was gone, and called me many abusive names. He did support my intellectual growth and we would have conversations, and he tried to share his views on sex, although he frequently crossed boundaries in that regard. I finally started dating and my first boyfriend, who had also been abused and abandoned, my father constantly and lasciviously ridiculed me for having sex, and would not believe that I wasn't. My relationship with my mom was bad after she left me to live in this unstable environment, and she never apologized or acknowledged my feelings about it to this day. She says she left because she was afraid for her life, and because her next husband needed her. I got a scholarship to a prestigious school so that I could be financially independent of my parents. I've been in relationships but I have trouble acting nice. Sometimes I only act nice when someone ignores or insults me. I used to ignore or attack everyone who gave me a genuine complement. I finally learned to take a complement from a singing teacher. We had to practice bowing and saying thank you. I've spent the past year since my dad died writing journals hardcore. It makes me feel like my emotions are real and don't depend on another person's interpretation. And I'm finally starting to see patterns in what I believe in and what I hope to do in my life. And what kind of relationships I want. I have a lot of trouble separating my goals and motivations from those of the boys I talk to, which can be good if they're smart, but you know, really, they aren't working toward my goals and they never can be. I've noticed that I often share my good ideas with men because I want their approval, and sometimes when they don't understand or approve I let the ideas go. My mom did this too, my dad used to call it my mom's 1001 stupid ideas. She was always inventing things. I get more support from women than I do from men, but it's been hard to trust women, or if they're nice to me I tend to ignore them. I have trouble sharing my problems with people who care about me. I get a lot of exercise, especially yoga, which seems to help. and I recently started brushing my hair a lot and just doing things to show my body that I care about it. I feel like most people don't have to go through this much just to live without freaking out. I get spooked by people, it's almost impossible to hold a job and I dread grad school. I feel like I will lose myself if I have to serve others in any way. I have a hard time working for any boss. Bravado is my defense mechanism and so is complete capitulation. I can't seem to have a healthy exchange unless there are rules involved. Like the rules in music, is pretty much the only way I've learned to interact with people at all. I am emotionally crippled, but I still believe I have something to give.

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I'm still living with an abusive father. He has been normal for a while but has turned abusive. Their marriage was a very weak one. The first day as a married couple, he tormented her physically. He went on for a long time. The first time I saw him was when I was 6. He often tortured my mother physically in secret. Now, that I am old enough to defend my mother, he tries to keep up with his dirty job by abusing her mentally. He accuses her of having multiple relationships. He said two times that I was not his son. He said that my father was in my home country. I try to free my mother one day from this hell and hence I strive for excellence. I try hard to gain recognition in this world. I will show the world that an abusive father alone cannot obstruct a man's journey to success. If one makes an excuse of an abusive father to be the reason for his/her downfall, I say that person is weak and needs to gain more mental strength. All the troubles my father gave me only made me stronger and stronger. He does not know what lies ahead of him. He cannot sense the storm. He is busy making my mother cry. A day will come when I will triumph and all of my mother's tears will be paid for. I vowed upon my code of honor that I will never Give Up. Even if it makes me crying with pain all night, every night I will not turn back.

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I found out my father was actually my step father at age 19. Just like my mother found out about her father at age 19. I cried tears of relief instead of tears of sadness when she told me this detail- out to brunch at a Marriot. It explained why I was never permitted to be physically affectionate with my "father", why he was never really present in my life, and why he could easily strike me when I came in between him and the insults he hurled at my mother. I was always in between, and now at 34 after plastic surgery and four abortions (from the same relationship) I realize now how this one fine detail has affected my life. I have accepted verbal abuse from my boyfriend, have accepted him being non-committal, and have accepted disrespect. I had my first abortion at 23 (surgery), I felt I was too young, and was afraid my boyfriend would not be around to be a father to my child. The second one I had at age 32 when we moved in together for the first time after a year of separation - this time I felt we had to resolve our problems and "he" had to get a job and I insurance to even consider the possibility. I felt horrible but it felt right. Then I battled feelings of physical inadequacy. Was I pretty? Did "he" like my body? Why did he like to watch porn instead of being with me? So I decided I would look better and had Liposuction after the operation, I found out I had been pregnant for three months. The surgeon never conducted a pregnancy test, I sued and lost, given my history of previous abortions, and sadly, yes, I aborted the three month old. Things only got worse between me and my boyfriend. I began to drink, the relationship became abusive and after I started the pill, I found out I was pregnant again (4 weeks) and again I aborted this was 3 months after the last one. I was 33, and this was the hardest period of my life. It wasn't until the lawsuit that I went to therapy to "help" build my case. Little did I know that I would be helping myself? I did not realize how depressed, how insecure, and how little I felt. I did not know that all of my actions were the result of the feelings of rejection and abandonment I felt as a result of not knowing my biological father, and having to swallow the lie that had been told to me for 19 years. It took a year of therapy for me to reach this epiphany. And it wasn't until that year that I actually cried about it. I mean really cry, really grieve. I decided to finally meet my biological father at the age of 34 and learned that he lived in the same city, as my mother, he never moved, never wanted to get to know me, never sought me out, never cared about me- but I finally got to see his face and learn that I also have a half brother and sister very near my age (he is in jail for three DUI's and she weighs 300 lbs at 5'3, I don't even want to know what they went through, and no I have not met them and probably won't). I was the consolation prize of their divorce, and upon our meeting still had the audacity to tell me he still wasn't sure I was his biological daughter that is until I showed him the DNA tests to prove it. I guess he was too drunk to remember the events of the paternity suit my mother filed against him when I was 1 and ended when I was 3 when I step father adopted me. Yes, he was an abusive drunk.

My mother married my stepfather when I was three and they chose to let me think he was my biological father until my mother told me at 19. Strangely, I felt relieved because it explained the emptiness I felt when very young. I do not have a relationship with the bio, and I have no deep love for my step father, but I am finally whole. My stepfather is a highly decorated Vietnam vet and a mason. Strange for a man who thinks nothing of verbally abusing his family and spending more time with his masons than with us. I found that the only father I really need is God. And through prayer and confession I have found redemption and peace. It took me hitting rock bottom and feeling like a worthless human being, for me to rise. I have left my boyfriend, and feel like I have awakened from a long and deep sleep. I have learned to love myself. I have learned to lean on a higher power. And I have learned that I am not alone. I hope to have children one day, in a loving home. I hope to see my daughter in the arms of her father feeling the love I never felt and with the knowing that she can conquer the world with the love and support of her family. I hope my daughter will not make men the center of her life like I have and this I know was to fill a void. If I'm not meant to have children, I am at least finally at peace with myself. I know I am worthy despite my grave mistakes. I hope that someday, men will realize just how important they are in the lives of their children, and I hope that women with similar struggles will someday, realize their worth.

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My own father was absent but loving. I met a man who was absent a lot and assumed he loved. It became neglect. So, I think daughters will pick some aspect of their fathers to look for in their mate, since it feels familiar. Sometimes I do annoy people because of my "front" of being self assured, but I'm always concerned about being heard and not knowing how to persuade people to get what I need.

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My 10 year old daughter has had very little contact with her absent father. When she does see him she becomes erratic and distant. She has accused him of molesting her and also confronted him in the presence of witnesses. He has denied this. In the last 3 days he has decided to contact her on her mobile phone. She has now turned into a tantrum throwing monster and is totally out of control. This kind of absent father should stay away as all he ever does is whine at her, tells her he loves her, then says anything to make her feel guilty. She is trying so hard to win his affection and approval, but all it does is lead to heartache and she takes it out on everyone around her, even me, her friends suffer. But she suffers the most while he gets some weird kick out of setting her off again.

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It would depend on the daughter and other parental figures in her life.

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It affects them greatly. I have been emotionally abusing my wife for many years and recently have only realized it. Our kids have suffered because of it with constant fighting and disrespecting my wife. They think treating mom the way dad does is acceptable. When I am gone on business their attitudes change. This is very hard to be labeled as an abuser but getting help is even harder. I have taken a pledge and have help for my problem and it has shown. My daughters have really shown the respect my wife and each other deserves.

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I grew up with an emotionally abusive father, and it did make me afraid to talk to guys, whether classmates, Uncles, etc. Perhaps I was a little "boy crazy" though, as a way to compensate for love from my dad. I don't resent any guys except those who have hurt me, like my dad. I don't really see him as a "male" as much as someone who was cruel to me for years. On the other hand, even though the abuse psychologically traumatized me, it made me stronger. I could take criticism better, and I would not care about verbal bullies at school. I cared more about other people who faced abuse, who were oppressed other teens with hurtful homes people who faced racism and homophobia. If someone who is abused has support and acknowledgment from at least one person in their life, they can get through, and they can accomplish wonderful things. A psychologist or psychiatrist is recommended. Going through 2 or 5 counselors is not uncommon; it's about finding the right listener/adviser for you.

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I was emotionally and physical abused by my father, sexual by my uncle and went on to accept this behavior from other men in my life and but my children through the pain of these relationships. I always blamed myself. What made me so unlovable? It seems men can sense who they can control and who will tell and not tell. Please always tell and tell your children what you have exposed them to is wrong and get out. Let the chain abuse stop with you. You don't want to pass it on to your children, grandchildren you better for your children, it is better to be poor and safe and happy then rich and dead.

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The father of my daughter is absent. He refuses to play a part in her life, due to other selfish priorities in his life. When a father is aware he has a child yet refuses to acknowledge them, it is psychological abuse. Childhood experiences are vital, as it moulds our adulthood behavior. Emotionally and absent fathers set an example that these behaviors' are an acceptable way of life. Daughters will only go on to find men like this and history will just repeat itself.

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Daughters with absent fathers generally develop low self-esteems. The absent father is very important in the sense of showing his daughter the way that she should be treated by a man. If the father is physically and emotionally abusive, then his absent should be respected. A father is very important in a young girl's life. Girls that generally have strong supportive father figures in their lives, develop better relationships with men. This means they usually select better mates.

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I grew up with an absent father. I didn't think it did affect me until I got married. It's for sure I missed my dad during my childhood! And I think I still miss having a father, but I never thought I'll have issues because of this. My husband and I are having problems now and I think is because my absent father. He is a good man, he treats me like a princess and he loves me very much. I love my husband very much It's just sometimes I can't help it! I know I have to change but I just can't. Usually when we have a fight, I always try to make him feel guilty (no matter how big or small is the problem) either crying or telling him that he doesn't love me (which I tell him often). When he tells me something he doesn't like about me I feel unloved and guilty. The low self-esteem I have is kind of funny, I don't feel good with myself but I am the only one who knows it and now my husband) because I hide my low self-esteem to everybody else (My friends and family think I have a big EGO). This is a big problem because I can lose a good man who loves unconditionally for what I am and with all my problems. I would like to talk to women who are married and grew up with an absent father!

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I have grown up with an emotionally abusive father. Well he was bi-polar and an alcoholic. I believe that it has changed my relationship with men a lot. I'm now a freshman in college, and have come to realize that I don't need men to make me feel better, but when I was younger, I searched for guys to make me feel not only better, but whole. I have been in a relationship now for about 2 years, and have some trust issues also. I am always waiting for him to leave to drop some kind of bomb on me. It has been really hard to learn to trust him, even though he has never done anything bad to me. So, my father's abuse has had a huge effect on me and my relationships with men.

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My father was emotionally distant all of my life. If he did speak to me, it was yelling. He was constantly ordering me to do things for him, no matter how capable he was of doing them himself. When I was a child, he never allowed me to visit friends, or have them visit me, and the only example of human interaction with which he provided me was that people were not to be trusted, and that our home and our lives were private and never to be discussed or open to anyone outside the family. He never helped my mother take care of me when I was a baby, and rarely held me. And as a teenager, our relationship, and his with my mother, quickly disintegrated. As a result of this, I developed Bipolar disorder and social anxiety disorder. He died when I was 18, about 8 or 9 months ago. And I never cared. Men were always frightening to me, and there have been two in my life with whom I have had close relationships. But I clung to them more closely than would otherwise be normal. A healthy relationship with a man was strange to me, and I craved the emotional and physical attention they provided me. Only one (my current boyfriend) is a sexual relationship, the other being a much older male whom I consider a friend and a role model. But, (and I've told him this many times) he is lucky to have my trust. My relationship with my boyfriend is caring, deep, and long lasting. I have managed to (somewhat) overcome my fear of men, but my fear of interaction in general permeates every aspect of my life. Sometimes just seeing my friends scares me. It prevented me from going back to college until recently (after a year off, because I was afraid of having to face anyone at the school), getting a job (for fear of facing an interviewer), even just going to the store to buy cat food. Everything I do is underlined with a fear of human interaction, and although I have tried to work this out in therapy, it is still present in every part of me.

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My father was very emotionally abusive too, and for me the worst verbal blow I suffered from him was when I was ten. While scolding me on two separate occasions he told me that my mother had tried to abort me when she was pregnant with me and he single handedly saved my life by begging her not to. Basically to mean I am here today because of him. Irrespective of whether this was true or false it left me feeling completely worthless. Today I am 21 and still trying to move on from my father's abuse. I met a man whom I really wanted to be with however, like the other relationships I have tried to have, the anxiety and possessiveness overwhelmed me and I called it quits. I have difficulty trusting anybody with myself let alone with my feelings. Although I have not done a lot of dating, the greatest disappointment in my dating history is that I found myself acting abusively towards my partner by being unnecessarily critical, condescending and often inclusive.

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I found this page because I have come to my own epiphany about my relationship with my father, who crossed over in 2002. He was emotionally distant and arguably abusive, but the idea of unconditional honor and respect toward the patriarch as a result of my Baptist upbringing makes it more difficult for me to call a spade a spade.

In struggling for years and years to try to understand why I always feel an unshakable abyss of depression, insecurity and unworthiness within my soul, the little pieces have started to congeal into a picture. I clearly see now that his form of punishment whenever I did something he disapproved was by withdrawing his attention, making me feel shunned and isolated at my home. Often he would 'disown' me by saying that I wasn't his child anymore and my mother's responsibility; he wanted 'nothing to do with me.' I walked on eggshells and he would fly into a rage over little things and oftentimes, over miscommunications as a result of his provincial piety. At times he would even glare at me, and there were several icy spells of complete non-communication during my adolescence. My mother would force me to acknowledge him by saying 'hello' when I came home from school. But I became labeled as a 'brat' because as the child, I must be responsible for his state of disdain towards me. I was deprived emotionally intelligent interaction with my father.

I have had a passive-aggressive relationship toward my formal education as a form of rebellion because more than anything, he wanted to see me graduate from college and succeed. So, I said, "I'll do it my way." I lost a full academic scholarship to one of the nation's top universities, but fast forward 15 years, 3 after his death, and I have a near-perfect GPA at another prestigious school. What does that tell you? And I was always an overachiever, so I strived for so long and for so hard to excel and make daddy proud. But he never said it, he rarely came to support my endeavors, and though it was heavily implied and meant to be implied that he was proud of me, he only started to soften and come around with a gentler, more open spirit until a couple of years before he closed his eyes for good.

He wasn't a drunk or physically abusive. In fairness and in his defense, he had emotionally distant parents as well, served 20 years in the Army as a combat medic and toured both Korea and Vietnam. He had open heart bypass surgery, diabetes, cancer, gout, lupus, untreated PTSD and a bunch of other ailments and bitterness from serving this country. But not dealing with your own issues before you have a kid can really mess you up. And I think the father's relationship with his daughter is probably THE MOST significant of her life. If, not him, some other role model.

I have always been on a quest to understand my own truths, and I am just now starting to comprehend fully the effect of my father on my life today as a 31-year-old woman. I am having problems with my relationships and finding deeper intimacy. I am insecure personally and professionally. I feel emotionally stunted. I'm defensive and passive-aggressive. I even feel guilty for blaming my father for the problems he caused. After all, you're smart, you should be smart enough to get over it and just let it go, right?

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Isn't it a shame out life is so short and we can't choose our parents? As children we are helpless victims, unable to speak out because it is not an accepted norm to be so bold. So we sit, like injured cats, licking our wounds silently in a corner, wishing someone could read our minds, or the pain on our faces. I am 34. This is my story. In short, my father to this day still ignores me. He lives 50 minutes away and it is sad how he values how much money someone makes rather than how kind they are. I do not make a lot of money and can't relate to his wealth. he is cheap but loaded. He does not do drugs or drink. he is unstable in that he has gone through several marriages, had several children, abused his son terribly (that's my brother) growing up, and abused me emotionally. If people think it gets easier as you get older and have a career or a family, it really does not get much better. If anything, the pain manifests itself through anxiety, depression, psoriasis, quick tempers, and little trust in people. me and my brother will not have children. We have been jaded. I've been suicidal and have lost all hope my father will change. Do not expect people to change. Sometimes, they only get more hardened and worse. It's sad. It really is. You look at some people and wonder why they had kids. I think the root of most problems comes from poor parents. I really do.

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I have always been on a quest to understand my own truths, and I am just now starting to comprehend fully the effect of my father on my life today as a 31-year-old woman. I am having problems with my relationships and finding deeper intimacy. I'm insecure personally and professionally. I feel emotionally stunted. I am defensive and passive-aggressive. I even feel guilty for blaming my father for the problems he caused. After all, you're smart, you should be smart enough to get over it and just let it go, right"

This could be me, writing this message. I grew up in South Asia, but your answer spoke to me because my so-called "father" treated me EXACTLY the way yours treated you. The long silences, the abusive manipulation, the glowering, the referencing of me in a conversation or addressing me without specifically calling my attention. My problem is that he's still alive. Yes, I wish he were dead so I wouldn't have to answer to people about my "parents". My culture puts a lot of importance on parental duty, even if the parents are / were abusive. My "father" hasn't changed one bit and is unlikely to change - he proved to me very clearly that he was, is and always will be a mean person, don't apologize for my language - I have suffered terribly as a result of his verbal, physical and emotional abuse. I am depressed, insecure, having trouble with my relationships and lack self-confidence. I am emotionally very stunted and am struggling just to live my life. I hate him (and his wife, my so-called "mother") for torturing me for no reason other than that I was a lowly girl and no longer have anything to do with him. I think abusive fathers ruin their daughters' chances and future, because they kill her self-esteem and make her an easy target for other predatory and equally abusive men. I think it is better to be fatherless than to have an abusive one. I, personally, am envious of orphans who have never known their fathers... better a dead one than one like mine.

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I stumbled on this post looking for something to soothe my pain. I am 34 years old and my father's abuse has affected me to the point where I am emotionally handicapped. I have not been able to keep any job, because the jobs I have picked usually end up being with abusive bosses. I have worked for attorneys who are known for being abusive and working in an abusive environment for years has worn me down. I feel numb anymore. Every boyfriend I have had has ended up being abusive emotionally. I would never allow myself to be hit by a man, but I have allowed myself to be treated with such disrespect, that looking back on it now I don't know how I ever thought they loved me. But when you grow up in an abusive home you don't know what normal is. I am finally realizing now that I deserve better and I am working to change my life, but it took me 34 years to get to this point where I even feel that I am worthy of being loved and respected. I struggle with my weight and have an addiction to food for comfort and sometimes use drugs to take away the pain. People tell me I'm pretty and nice but I feel ugly and worthless most of the time. I constantly sabotage myself when something good does happen to me because I haven't felt like I deserved any better. And now at 34 with no husband, no children, no solid career, and no place of my own, I torture myself over the bad choices I've made and hate my parents at the same time, because if I had a normal childhood and a normal family I could have had a chance at a better life.

My father physically and verbally abused me, my mother and my brother. I believe my mother stayed with him because she was afraid of being alone and taking care of two children by herself. I would never hurt her by telling her this, but I wish she had left him. And I constantly dream of the day when he dies and we will all be free of him. Anyone who thinks they should stay married for the sake of their children is fooling themselves. I agree with the previous poster. It would have been better to be fatherless than to have a father that is abusive. Knowing the secrets of my own abuse that even my mother doesn't know about, I'm sure looking back if she knew how I would end up today she would have left him. My brother is also not married and without children. He hates him as much as I do because he used to have the crap beat out of him and told he was worthless. He's better at holding down a job than I am, but he struggles with his own feelings of worthlessness and depression.

I don't feel like I will ever be a free woman until he is dead. I refuse to ever have children even though I know that I would be a great mom. I will never bring a child into this family. The abuse ends with me. I don't know if I will ever get married because most men eventually want a family and I don't want to tell anyone why I don't want children. I still pretend to come from a normal happy family to the outside world. Because I have made so many bad career choices, I have had to move back home to live with the both of them and it's killing me inside. My father started going to church more often and seemed to be redeeming himself. But now that I'm back home I see that it was all a lie and the mask he wears in public is just that. When he is at home where no one will hear him, he tears her apart verbally and I feel helpless to stop it. She is so worn down by his abuse that she has given up on ever being free, and I wish I could have been lucky enough for him to have died years ago. He is so racist and so selfish and downright evil on the inside. It makes me sick how many people think he's a nice guy, if they only knew the truth.

I feel obligated to stay here to protect my mother from him because he only treats her like that when he thinks no one is around. When my father does die I will throw the biggest party and smash all of his favorite things. Anything that he cares about I will throw in the garbage because that's the same respect he gave to us.

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Well I am now 16, my mom and I and my little sister left my dad almost two years ago. He was a real bad alcoholic and very verbally abusive. A couple times he got physically abusive. One day I came home from my older sisters house and I had a very bad headache so I layed down on my bed. Well, my dad came in my room and told me to get up and do some laundry. So even though I had a really bad headache I sat up and started folding the laundry. He started yelling at me to stand up and do it but I really felt bad so I ignored him. Well, he finally came over to me and pulled me up by my hair and we got into a fist fight. When I got so mad, a blacked out, and the next thing I knew he was on the ground and I spit on him and told him I hated him. But we are OK now. I still don't like him, but we're OK. But I'm with this guy who is a lot older than me and I always wondered if that's why I like older guys. My dad never has never been there that much, when he was there he was abusive, and I think that's why I go with such older guys. So yes, it does affect their daughter's relationships with guys in the future.

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My parents got divorced when I was little. I don't see much of my dad, sometimes I need to be the adult when we are talking. Since my dad was absent for a while, I tend to drift towards other guys. I look for a father figure that I can 'borrow'. It all depends on how strong the daughter is, I think. She just has to remember that she can only be the best that she can and no one can ask more of her.

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My Asian wife grew up in an abusive family, where the parents put the children down as standard practice as they grew up. As an adult (18), my wife left her parents home and went many years without speaking to her father and claimed she hated him. Her mother was not much better. I have struggled with my wife now for over 16 years together. She has low-self esteem, is afraid to challenge men, of course except me, and fights verbally as her standard response to challenging situations with friends and at work. Worst of all, she is susceptible to sexual abuse from her bosses. She has had affairs with two men, and suspects' a third, in response to feeling threats of losing her job, even when the threats were not real. When she feels worthless and threatened, she simply throws herself on these men to control them - they can't fire her afterwards. Our marriage is a mess. I on the other hand was raised by a very loving mother and father but oddly enough find it difficult to abandon anyone. What a mix. I appreciate reading the entries from so many women for it helps me realize the reality of my situation. Right now my wife is asleep in bed and has not spoken to me in days for some stupid argument. I'm used to this. All I can say to the women out there is you did not deserve the abuse. These men were wrong and complete. I have witnessed the consequences and know you need to get help in sorting out the crappy hand you've been dealt. My wife tried for some time but gave up counseling. All of her siblings are messed up in some way or another. There is no escape on your own, at least not that i have witnessed.

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It's hard to comprehend that parents, especially fathers, would be able to do such things to their daughters. The father is supposed the be the one that protects the daughter and warns her about the dangers of life, not the one who causes the pain. Even being a victim of abuse, I still don't understand what makes a man do such horrible things. My father was emotionally and occasionally physically abusive to me from the time I was 8-years-old until I was 13 and decided that I had enough of it. Both of my parents were drug addicts and I lost everything I ever had. My grandparents took me in until I could find a better place to go. During that time, I wasn't in school and I was cutting myself. Eventually, I ended up in NC, where I am now. After four years of being out of school, I returned to school and ended up graduating high school with my Associates degree. I talk to my father on occasions now but not regularly. I've been back to visit him once in the six years that I have been gone and I must say that I don't feel bad at all for that. My father has definitely put a huge emotional scar on me and I know this may never heal all the way. However, I realized through experience that not all men are mean, you just have to go out there and talk to people and not let something that someone did to you in the past bring you down. Even though the torment we went through was awful, that is only one person and not the entire male population. And, I'll admit, even now I still have problems with relationships and trust. It takes a lot for me to become close to a person. I've only had two boyfriends in my life because of my trust issues, even after being asked out numerous times.

The only advice I have for you is that you need to accept what happened. There's no denying what he did and there's no changing it. Then, let it go. You can't let it eat away at you forever. It will destroy you. Live your life - be happy, love, laugh and enjoy what you have. And always remember you're not alone.

Another answerMy father left me and my mum while we were away because he was too cowardly to tell us to our faces that he'd got his girlfriend pregnant. This is going to sound very petty, but he left my 11th birthday party to go and shag this woman, and we didn't see him for a few days then - it's a memory that's stayed with me for quite some time. Now, nearly 8 years on, he's recently decided he's no longer going to have any contact with me and isn't going to support me at all, either emotionally or financially when I start the university. And all because I couldn't wait for him to pick me up and take me to a station when he was an hour and a half late already. Possibly as a result of this, I'm about to start therapy for extreme self-esteem issues, which have led me to fail university interviews and start to hate my music which previously was my life. My only serious boyfriend has cheated on me with two of my "best friends", and yet I am back with him again now. I hope this gives some insight about absent fathers. I suppose at least I'm lucky he never beat me.

Answer 2

My own father was cruel to everyone by acting selfish, and I've had only 1 serious relationship as a result of it - the guy I dated was a total you-know-what!

I have NO confidence in my judgment of men and I don't trust them, because I don't want to keep running into men who remind me of my father. I no longer speak to my father as a result of that.