How do emotionally abusive and sometimes absent fathers affect their daughters' relationships with men?

When I read the horror stories of how other daughters were treated by their fathers I feel my 'lot' isn't so bad. My mother divorced my father when I was 14 on the grounds of emotional abuse (however he also physically abused her). Despite the trauma of the separation I was relieved when it happened. My mother isn't a stable person emotionally and I so I grew up quickly trying to look after myself. My father has emotionally abused me in all sorts of ways. His current wife is evil towards me and he goes along with all her nasty thoughts and desires. I know that as long as I tried to be a loving daughter, despite the way they treated me, it was a lost cause wanting to be treated lovingly by him. However I was OK with getting the crumbs. I'm now 52 and a few months ago my dad used a ridiculous excuse to cut me out of his life. This was such a shock because for the last few years I have been civil towards his wife (never telling him what I thought of her) and we saw each other regularly on our own. This could have worked for many more years but he decided that I wasn't worth having in his life at all. I have noticed the strangest feelings surfacing towards my husband and this is why I'm writing today. I have been married for 28 years, have three wonderful daughters and even though my married life has had its ups and downs we have pulled together and I would describe us a 'good marriage'. Now to these awful and strange feelings. Over the last few weeks I have fantasised about killing my husband. It scares the hell out of me. I try to talk myself out of the anger but it pops back into my head. This morning out of the blue I thought...maybe I'm hurting so much that I actually want to kill my father ? My husband is a kind, loving, generous and attractive man and I love him deeply. I know I would never do anything to hurt him intentionally. My dad has hurt me deeply and he will go to his grave feeling self righteous. My siblings can't understand his behaviour but tell me he's under the influence of his wife and the best way to deal with this is to 'honour' his wish for no contact. This I can live with. However I hate these thoughts of cruelty towards my husband. Thank you for giving me this forum to express my feelings. With my current insights I feel stronger and able to deal with this ache for a good (but impossible to achieve) closure with my dad.