How do you deal with a narcissistic husband that drinks?

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Answer

I doubt narcissism has anything to do with this. If a person drinks a lot or is an alcoholic they can be extremely abusive and even physically harmful towards their family and friends and often are arrogant and cruel.

There is nothing you can do to stop him from drinking. He has to want to stop drinking. Many people go through traumas in life or just plain unhappy in life and even depressed and never know it. The next thing they know they may resort to alcohol or drugs thinking this will make them feel better. Not many men will go for psychiatric counseling because they either find it's a weakness or they truly believe it's always someone else's fault and never their own.

The only chance you have is to make a plan and to stick with it. If you have children then you owe your children a safe and healthy environment. Even if you don't have children you owe yourself the same thing.

Here is a plan (if you so choose to decide to use it)

See a lawyer (or go to Legal Aid if you are low on funds) and ask for help and what your rights are. If your husband is extremely violent and you decide to put a Restraint Order or a Cease and Desist Order against him you can ask for police protection while he is being served. The police will actually escort him out of the house and if he makes a fuss he will be cuffed and taken into custody. As painful as this is for you, this is not giving up on your marriage, but a short-cut (hopefully) for your husband to realize you have had enough and he stands a big chance of losing you and any children you may have. It may be a big enough shock for him to seek out help at AAA or he could go downhill from there. The choice is entirely up to him.

I also suggest you join Alinon(?) where partners of alcoholics can go and talk things out and learn more about why their husband/wife chooses alcohol over them and their children. It's a great place to go and you won't feel so lonely during this painful process.

Good luck Marcy

Answer

Like Marcy said, begin by dealing with the part that you have control over - yourself. Please go to an Alanon meeting today. Narcissim, by the way, is very hard to change, if that's what your husband really is. Good luck!

ANSWER

They are likely separate issues. If he won't deal with his drinking, you'll have to make major changes if you want a life worth living. (probably also true to the N'ism). The agencies suggested in earlier answers are good, so is a therapist you go to alone. If children are involved, it is very important that you deal with this. If he's also an N, he will likely NEVER admit he's got a problem of any kind, and that includes drinking too much. Get straight with yourself, look the problem(s) in the eye, get the help you need, and take action. Don't wait for him. You are worth more than this. Take care of yourself--sooner the better. Good luck and peace to you. Georgette

Answer--

The alcohol issue is just the tip of the iceberg, especially if it is with narcissistic behavior. Sometimes alcoholics or alcohol abusers find after getting away from alcohol, that deep down, something psychologically is not right and needs to be fixed. Whatever is bothering them has been covered up for so long or has been internally denied and the result is a pathological behavior.

Narcissists lack internal controls and sometimes turn to alcohol, drugs and adrenalin rushes and any dramatic behavior they can create for stimulus. Although they like to be controllers, they exist in a cycle of behavior that ranges from depression to manic elation.

And I agree with the above posters. Once again, you can't change people. They must want to change for themselves. As in narcissism and alcoholism, it will take an N or alcoholic hitting bottom after a major catastrophic event or situation to even consider changing or stopping alcohol and drugs. You must protect yourself and your children and attending Al-Anon is a good way to learn more about improving your life and managing your husbands' various sicknesses while not compromising your mental and physical health.

I wish I had the time to attend Al-Anon...I do attend AA, and many women in my groups attend Al-Anon not only for themselves, but to learn about how to deal with others. Since attending AA, I have learned so much about what is bothering me, and learned to deal better with others. AA is a spiritual program, I am not sure about Al-Anon, but I would think it would be based on principles of the Twelve Steps. In the meantime, don't be afraid to be pro-active about protecting yourself. You never know, you may be able to save your marriage and do well for your husband by learning more about yourself.

My best to you and God Bless! mbme

First answer by Marcy. Last edit by Mbme. Contributor trust: 91 [recommend contributor]. Question popularity: 63 [recommend question]