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You need to forget about "dealing" with her since she won't get help until she realizes she NEEDS help. As far as your brother is concerned, you now need to help rebuild everything in him that she has torn down. You need to go overboard with praise and positive thoughts and strength. Listen to his problems and concerns and reinforce how much of a blessing it is to be rid of her. Buy books on Narcissism, abusive relationships and sociopaths. Once you recognize certain patterns and problems you'll be better able to help your brother. My heart goes out to the both of you. He'll be okay. It will be tough at first but he WILL be okay. ~ T Thanks for the response...it has been almost 4 years since the divorce(3 kids) and she STILL wants to tear him down.Her goal early on was to take all his money and bring him down. Her life is consumed with this. Now with a new custody battle with one child who wants to move in with dad...has breathed new fire.I have seen my brother with his heart so heavy from her poison over the years. To be so consistently so evil you would have to be sick. There is so much thought and negative energy put into this day in and day out. So many good days, weeks and years gone and there seems to be no end with the youngest being 9. To her, it is her mission in life and to my brother, he wants to move on and try to live with her in his life. I want my brother to find his fun and happy personality.And I want her to find another "source". Instead my brother has to find the money for lawyer bills.

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18y ago
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11y ago
  • keep your distance- don't get too close and do not let them into your personal life
  • be practical about the disorder- you won't change them so step back whenever their narcissistic behavior rises to the surface
  • define some limits- by not responding to inappropriate behavior you reinforce it
  • avoid conflict
  • do not try to argue or reason with them- your winning or convincing is counter to their world view- they will not allow it
  • gain more understanding to enable you to work as constructively as possible
  • give practical support when and if they ask for it
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11y ago
  • Your brother and sister-in-law need to deal with their own problems in their marriage and it is no ones business but between the two of them. Your brother has to learn to stand up to his wife and deal with the problems they have. You can tell your brother that if he needs to talk you are there for him; then drop it.
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Q: How do you deal with a sister-in-law who does not take care of your brother?
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