You don't deal with them. Disbelieving and pathologizing the victim is another form of abusive conduct.
You move on to people who will believe you. Don't try to convince people you were abused, you know what happened to you. I found that the people who associated with my former abusive boyfriend did not believe me. Primarily because abusive people have a way of being charming to the outside world, but to those they "love" they are abusive. Maybe you may want to find a support group in your area to talk about the abuse. God Bless
Stalkers and the Borderline Personality
The Borderline Personality
In recent years psychologists have learned about and done case studies on a new personality disorder which the DSM-III-R classifies as an Axis II disorder- the Borderline Personality . This classification includes such personality disorders as the Anti-social Personality, the Histrionic Personality and the Narcissistic Personality. Several psychologists (including myself) diagonosed my stalker as afflicted with the Borderline Personality. Characteristic of the Borderline (derived from research done by Kreisman & Straus, 1989) are:
a shaky sense of identity
sudden, violent outbursts
oversensitivity to real or imagined rejection
brief, turbulent love affairs
frequent periods of intense depression
eating disorders, drug abuse, and other self-destructive tendencies
an irrational fear of abandonment and an inability to be alone
Not much research has been done on the Borderline Personality, and for many years it was difficult to diagnose- and to treat. A Borderline often feels as though his/her life is marked with a distinctive emptiness; a void in which a relationship often acts to fill. Many times the Borderline is a victim of an early dysfunctional family situation and/or emotional/physical abuse by those he/she trusted early on in childhood.
The Borderline is psychotic , in the original, psychological meaning of the term: he/she is not in control and not in touch with reality. To the Borderline, a softly spoken word of advice can be construed as a threat on his/her emotional stability. An outsider's viewpoint that the Borderline is not in touch with reality often ends in a bitter and irrational dissassociation from the outsider on the part of the Borderline. Often, the Borderline ends up very much alone and victim to his/her disillusions.
The Borderline stalker is very apt to see his/her actions as perfectly justified; he/she has paranoid disillusions which support these-often with disturbing frequency. The Borderline often has brief love affairs which end abruptly, turbulently and leave the Borderline with enhanced feelings of self-hatred, self-doubt and a fear that is not often experienced by rational people. When the Borderline's relationships turn sour, the Borderline often begins to, at first, harass the estranged partner with unnecessary apologies and/or apologetic behavior (i.e. letters of apology 'from the heart', flowers delivered at one's place of employment, early morning weeping phonecalls, etc.). However, the Borderline does not construe his/her behavior as harassment- to the Borderline he/she is being 'responsible' for his/her past behaviors.
The next phase of the Borderline Personality develops relatively quickly and soon he/she feels suddenly betrayed, hurt, etc. and seeks to victimize the estranged partner in any way he/she can Strangely enough, this deleterious behavior is always coupled with a need to be near or in constant contact with the estranged partner . While sending threats to the estranged partner, it is very common for the Borderline to begin to stalk his/her estranged partner in an effort to maintain contact. This effort is motivated by the excruciating fear that the Borderline will end up alone and anger that [the estranged partner] has put him/her in this position. We are finding, in many cases, that a great deal of stalking behavior is associated with Borderline or related personality disorders. Earlier research did not incorporate the Borderline Personality in stalking profiles; research now is beginning to focus on the Borderline in such disorders as Erotomania, etc.
He is a she and you can use a pay phone or a friend's phone. Please seek out help from your local Abused Women's Center and they will help you regarding instructions as how to deal with all of this.
The House of Representitives was formed. And still government power was abused.
Socialists and Progressives
idrcrn so deal with it
you do not need to shake hands to make a deal, it is a myth that people believe you need to do but the only reason people started doin it after a deal is made to show a sign of friendship
you love it with all your heart, be gentle, and let it know you love it.
Don't "deal with it" either leave the dude (or girl), or somehow talk about it. If your dealing with an abuser, then you MUST leave asap ! Call a relative and make a plan for your escape !
people could not believe that in this modern age that knid of thing could happen.
Don't give up hon! There is help out there for you. I volunteer for a Women's Abuse Center, and when your abuser is at work, you leave with just a few things and go to the Abused Women's Center. They will ask you questions (don't be ashamed and don't be afraid to let it all hang out ... that's what the kleenex on the counselor's desk is for.) They will put you through a process right away and you will NOT go back to your abuser, but be put in a "Safe House" or "Transition House." There you will receive counseling, help in courts, and programs to take so you can better understand abuse and learn new tools to deal with leaving your abuser and not picking another abusive mate. Shoot for the stars girl! You're worth it! Good luck Marcy
it's impossible for monsters to exist but people like to believe there real
It's a difficult thing to admit that you are being abused by your partner. After all you love him/her, you chose them, you believed the best of them. If you wonder how someone could love someone who hits or yells at them ask yourself if you have always loved only perfect people. Has a parent, child, sibling, boss, friend ever been emotionally or physically abusive to you? Did you walk out the first time or 50th time it happened? The abuser usually is very sorry, promises love, and swears to never do it again. You want to believe that. Perhaps you have children together, finances together, a house together. Perhaps you don't have a job or a family that will take you in. What if he/she comes after you and harms your friends or family? Can you imagine how much courage it takes to go to a shelter? Women leave their abuser an average of seven times before they leave for good. The most important thing you as a friend can do is refer the abused to the National Domestic Hot Line, 800-799-7233 or to the local shelter. If he/she won't go or call stop by the shelter office and pick up some literature for them but be careful when you give it to them. If their abuser sees it he/she may become violent. If the abused calls you when there is violence going on don't go over there because you could become a victim too. Call the police and let them deal with it. Note that domestic abuse happens in same-sex unions at the same rates as in opposite-sex unions.
I believe it's not anymore