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Maybe, the child needs time to get use to the idea that his or her parent is now with someone else, and if your bossing them around or trying to be there mom or dad, don't. Or if there being bad their probably thinking that he or she is not getting enough attention, and now their acting out. Let the children get use to it, and let them come to you. Forcing something on a child is no good, it will just make them act up more. i don't what problems the children are causing, but children need more attention and shouldn't be blamed.

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13y ago
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14y ago

First of all you need to try to understand why they hate you. There could be a number of different reasons, in particular the fact that you are taking over the position of their parent. Maybe you are assuming the role of parent so much that they question you're authority, and so you need to not be too strict with them, but be strict enough that they respect you. Above all you must be patient with them, and make sure they know that whatever happens you can help them. Try to not get them to see you as their father/mother but as a friend.

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The above answer is an excellent one. One thing I can say from experience is, you need the support of your spouse. S/he and you need to let the children know that you ARE to be treated with respect, and not accept anything less. They don't have love you, but they DO have to respect you.

Some other things that may shed a little light on it:

  • Do they perceive you as the reason their parents divorced? If so, your spouse needs to have a talk with them, and without putting down the other parent or giving details which are too personal, explain to them that sometimes two people (your spouse and his/her ex) just grow in different directions and grow apart.
  • Is there a money issue? Do the children feel their lifestyle has changed because of the divorce and remarriage?
  • Do you have children of your own who live with you and their parent, whom your stepchildren may resent?
  • Is their other parent telling them things about you (true or not) to deliberately turn them against you?

If any of the above ring a bell with you, then this needs to be addressed with the children, but without putting down the other parent, and without going into details that are none of their business, or too personal.

For more information and tips that may help, read the information in the link provided below.

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Q: How do you get step children to get along?
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