How do you get a narcissist to stop using your child as a way to control you and have contact with you when the court system is allowing him to do so?

Answer 1

I have seen a few cases when the parent whether it be him or her use the child to manipulate the other party. The only consolation I can give you from that is that the child won't be under age for ever. That is when patience steps in and sometimes you will have to show tough love. It is not meant to punish the kid whatever the situation may be. But to let the other party know you can say no and pretend like things don't bother you. Chances are that child is being brain washed anyway. Just stay prayed up because trouble don't last always. * Adults can only be controlled if they themselves allow it. The only contact one needs to have with an ex spouse is that which pertains to issues specifically related to the welfare of the child. And the welfare of the child is the only thing the court is concerned about. Adults make their own choices of how they react and interact to every other person or situation. If one allows themselves to be manipulated regardless of the form taken by an ex spouse (or anyone) that is a choice. If one chooses to standup for themselves and inform the offending party in no uncertain terms that they will not allow them to interfere in their life, that is also a choice. I agree strongly with the above poster, and I might add, a narcissist will usually not pursue a situation that will be extremely expensive or inconvenient to the narcissist. So one suggestion I have is moving far, far away if at all possible. If the narcissist has to pay a lot of money or take a long trip to bother you, he will probably decide it is easier to hunt near his home turf. They can be pretty lazy, these narcissists. And I believe that although you have to inform the other parent that you are moving, you can still move at will. This is what I'm going to try, since I'm in a similar situation. You might also look into changing the custody agreement so that the narcissist is responsible for the expenses when he wants to see the children, and use a court-appointed mediator for contact. A restraining order might be another possibility depending on the situation. Make it difficult for him. Talk to your lawyer about how you can do this. Mine was pretty understanding and had some good suggestions.