How do you get over an 11-year marriage when he keeps coming back home and leaving you for the same woman over and over?

Answer

I had this EXACT experience. I was married for 11 years with 2 children. I kept trying to make it work with me ex, but he continually went back to his girlfriend for sex and lied to me about it. I caught him over and over again and kept telling him that I wanted to make our marriage work and keep our family together and he would agree, but then he'd be right back at it as soon as his loins started calling. I guess the best thing to tell you is how this ended for me. I finally had enough! I had enough of his lies and knew that both me and my children deserved better. He was always telling me how much he loved me and how sorry he was, but the bottom line was this: If he was really sorry, then he would have stopped the action. Being sorry means turning away from the action, making amends, and changing your behavior. He proved to me that he wasn't really sorry. Actions speak louder than words. REAL love is an ACTION, not just a sentance or even a lecture. Now, I took him back several times, was willing to forgive and forget (even after he gave me a venerial disease)- and I had to do that in order to feel that I had done all that I could do to save the marriage. Even though I filed for the divorce (after he CONTINUALLY slept with the other woman and then threatened me when I made a male friend at work) HE is the one that made the choice to end the marriage. Does that make sense? Although it hurts terribly at first, the pain eases with time. It doesn't ever completely go away when there are children involved, but it is totally bearable. And, just so you know, my current status is this: I married a WONDERFUL man that treats my children as his own (2 years after my separation), and we've now been married for 3 happy years!! It is a normal, functional, TRUSTING relationship and friendship. Keep your chin up and KNOW that you are worth far more than you have experienced. Take care. I've included my e-mail address if you would like to chat or need support :)

Answer

You are keeping it going by letting him come back. How many times does he have to do this before you get it? Have respect for yourself and seek what you deserve in life. It's not this!

Answer

Change the locks and get a new phone number. Sorry, but you are doing this to yourself, sweetheart. You don't have to keep taking him back.

First answer by maranda. Last edit by Joni. Contributor trust: 809 [recommend contributor]. Question popularity: 88 [recommend question]