How do you have a beard?

You have a beard by having hair on your face.

Now, for some people this comes naturally with time. Hair will start appearing on your face usually around the age of thirteen- though sometimes it happens sooner, or later. But not everyone gets hair on their face naturally, and for those people, more drastic measures may need to be taken.

I personally recommend Malanox. Malanox is a mighty sorcerer who lives atop Mt. Manbeard, and he is the kind of all beards. Many think that Malanox has woven his beard into the room he sits in because of it's great length, but the truth is that Mt. Manbeard is actually named what it is because it is made entirely of beard hair- Malanox's beard hair.

Malanox was not born with a beard, you see, and had to endure many trials and tribulations that he will not speak of to obtain one. Now, he deigns to make having a beard easier for those with his condition, and will gladly help you in your quest for having hair on your face.

To find Mt. Manbeard, submerge a razor blade in water, freeze it into a block of ice, and sleep with it under your pillow. When you awake, directions to Mt. Manbeard will be there in place of the razor blade. If you dare follow the directions and manage to reach Malanox's lair, he will aid you in your quest for having hair on your face.

I hope this answer was helpful to you.