How do you know if someone is abusing you mentally or emotionally?

i have lived through 49 years of physical and mental abuse.22 of those years was my husband.the rest was my mother.i finally got divorced 16 years and 5 children ago.to make a long storie short.i am in a new relationship.the x has allready been remarried and recently divorced.so after 11 years he decided to come back into town.reclaiming his children after years of no child support.he has managed to cut me off from my children. he has also managed to get my now boyfriend to hire him to do some contracting work in his house of which i am living in. despite all i have told my boyfried about him and what he did to me he hired him anyway thinking he was the cheapest he could find.he didnt even try to find someone else and kept it from me until the day he showed up.so of course i was told if i didnt like it i could leave for 3 or 4 days.hes allready been here 30 days and now i find out there giving him more jobs. so of course this set me back from all the therapy i have been in to learn to trust and love again.i am now back in therapy on medication and physically ill.my boyfriend just laughs at me and says to chock it up.im on the verge of a nerv ous breakdownand am always told im being ridicoulas,selfish,making mountains out of molehills,i take things to serious,laugh more,and what not.my new boyfriend even came home with a story about catching me in a car with some black man making out.so my x is allready stirring up trouble.and my new boyfriend wont tell me who he told this to becausr he promised the person he wouldn't tell me plus he had the nerve to ask me if it was true.so of course im mad and were fighting and all he can say about it is if im not happy to go home. i didnt want to give up on this relationship so soon that's why im back in therapybut im just so hurt i don't know what else to do.he wants me to keep my mouth shut and doesnt want me to talk about it after all the years to speak up for myself.i don't think its fair that hes putting these people before me and he just laughs at me.i know that if he forces me to leave i wont be back.so i guess if he can let that happenhe doesnt really care for me any how.so i would like some feedback to this problem, thanks