How do you resolve a conflict in relationship?
A majority of relationship conflicts stem from either party being unwilling and unopen to truly honoring the others' perception and perspective of the particular topic in conflict.

An addition, the particular topic of conflict is typically NOT the topic at the base of the conflict... it merely represents the symptoms of the 'real conflict'.

Conflict generally stems from a disparity between expected and actual results. The conflict is further exacerbated by lack of communicating the expectations to the person "expected" to provide the desired results. The person "expected" to perform and conform, then, is completely unaware of the expectations and has not had the opportunity to say whether or not he/she would be willing and/or able to fulfill the expectation(s).

Further complicating this matter is the use and meaning of words. While there is clearly a common 'dictionary' definition of words, these definitions are overlaid and personalized by life experiences oftentimes creating a 'disconnect' of interpretation between two (or more) people.

For example, for one person the word "love" might conjure up warm and positive memories while for another it might resurrect painful memories. Unless communicated, neither is aware of the other's definition and therefore will be unable to understand why using such a presumably wonderful word could create... well... conflict.

So, to resolve conflict in a relationship:

  1. Clearly communicate - and DEFINE - your expectations to each other... in your definition be sure to explain how you came to your definition
  2. Clearly indicate whether or not you are willing to fulfill said expectation. If not, explain why not and/or whether or not you are willing to fulfill a portion of the expectation... negotiate!
  3. Honor each others' definitions with loving-kindness, respect, and understanding...

ALWAYS REMEMBER:

  • Your partner had life experiences just like you did
  • Your partner wants the same acknowledgement, understanding, and love that you do

Now then... enough with the conflict... go create some love!

To learn more about relationships and conflict resolution... get a copy of "Couples Cafe: Where Couples Go to be Devoured by Love"

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