How do you tell your depressed boy friend that you are dating someone else?

Answer

Hi Margorie

I have to say, you didn't handle this one too well. Depression is a tough part of life to be in and before you ever started dating someone else you should have sat down (perhaps in a restaurant) and quietly told your boyfriend you needed to have a break for a bit and not rushed out and started dating too quickly.

The last thing this poor guy needs is something more to depress him and that is why you should have handled it long before now.

Since you didn't, I would handle this very carefully. I have no idea what type of personality your boyfriend has. If he is an angry person, then he could become angrier and you've heard enough on the news and read in papers that sometimes break-ups from someone who is depressed does not always end happily. I'm not trying to scare you, but warning you. If this person is of a quiet nature, then you'd better find out just how depressed he is and at least help him seek out some professional help before you walk away permanently. You must realize you have become an intricate part of his life and someone he probably relies on.

If you can, go and have a private talk to his mother. Tell her what you feel in your heart, that you are sorry it ended this way, and you don't want to hurt her son. At least she will be aware of it.

I wish you good luck.

Marcy

Answer

I just got out of a relationship with a young lady that was the life of me. I gave and gave and never asked for anything but her love. She had been trying to tell me that she needed her space and I was so caught up into her that I couldn't see or hear her cry for help. In time we started drifting and having arguments over nothing. Then one day she simply dropped the bomb on me and it crushed me. It affected my work, eating habits, communication with friends and I even thought of doing thing that would either make her want me back or have her feel guilty. Before I knew it, I wasted three months trying to make a person love me, that didn't want my love or my friendship after the lack of space I never gave her. Til this day I miss her and am in so much pain from not trying to give her space, and I find myself crude to others that follow her wanting a relationship. I feel no trust, and avoid communication with others like a hermit. Now she's with another man and I still love her the same way I did before. What hurts me most is that I can't have a friendship with her after the trouble I put her through from not simply giving her space. I have to live with that for the rest of my life. Now aks yourself, is this a pain you want him to witness? He's hurting already without you saying anything about moving on with another. Pain can heal but scars are forever. If you truly care about him, tell him the truth. Tell him that you want him as a friend and that you would rather talk as frineds about separating rather than doing something to hurt him more. You have to understand that he may not want to speak to you for a while based him feeling betrayed. This is betrayaled feeling will pass through time and then you'll see if a friendship can be salvaged. Either or, both of you will hurt, but you can control the pain by being honest to him and yourself.