How should you talk to your pregnant teen daughter?

Answer 1

There are so many ways a parent can go about this. Here is one way.

One thing you should not do, is scream and yell at her.Can you imagine how she feels already? She is likely already experiencing low esteem and depression issues because of the "accident." She really doesn't need someone to kick her while she's down. However, that doesn't mean that you should be a belly rubber (no pun intended) and act like everything is just fine and dandy.

First thing you will want to do is give yourself a chance to cool down. We would think we should give her a chance to pull herself together, but that isn't likely going to happen any time soon. Nothing is ever solved in the heat of the moment. No one hears the other person because defenses are thrown up all too quickly.

Don't play the blame game. Blaming her, blaming yourself, blaming the father-to-be, or his parents, isn't going to help anything. This will just anger everyone involved and nothing will get accomplished that way.

Ask her about her thoughts and feelings. Ask her what happened (hopefully without going into all the juicy details) and why it happened. If she didn't use protection, ask her why not. Find out why she felt she needed or wanted to have sex, and also why she chose to with the father-to-be. In the process, make sure you avoid any tone of voice or words that would belittle her in any way. This too will throw her defenses up and she will not want to talk to you.

Explain to her what you expected from her. Tell her what your family's values and morals are. Again, do not berate her in the process. By holding a calm, cool, and collected conversation, she will find it easier to talk with you about things in the future as she will feel she has nothing to fear (like punishment) for seeking your advice on things you may find taboo.

Try to make a game plan with her and have her participate. Ask her what she thinks should happen next, or how to take care of things. Tell her about your experiences with her (this could be a bonding moment also in the future throughout her pregnancy). Inform her of what is going to happen from every angle. Make sure she knows that you will be there for her despite the situation and will do what you can to help her out (within reason of course).

At this point, there is really no point in punishment.What could she do now? It's not like she can get pregnant from having sex again while she is already pregnant. This will be a pretty big learning lesson for her, and I'm sure she realizes the mistake that she made and how severe the consequences are. That alone should be enough to make her think twice about her choices in the future, and that applies to everything, not just unprotected sex. The father-to-be must be feeling the same way as she is about the choice me made along with her. Perhaps requiring that you be involved in every step of the process from here on out would be sufficient (and necessary), but believe us, she is already experiencing what she feels is punishment for her actions.

The goal is to have an adult conversation, despite the fact that she isn't quite there yet. Whether either of you like it or not, she is an expectant mother now. The way that you handle the situation will affect the way she handles it and could also affect the way that she will use this experience as her child grows in the future.

Answer 2

Don't drop out of school like the other 60% does! See yourself as a single mom because only 4% of all these relationships last. Make sure the choice you make is the best thing for you and not what everyone else wants. Get a job as soon as possible. Easier to get one before the belly gets big and you will need one. Babies cost around $1000/month. The father has to do the same. Be humble and face the fact you will need your parents A LOT and have to work twice as hard from now on combining baby, school and a job.