If women say that all the men are the same then why does it take them so long to pick one?

Answer 1

Usually when women say that, they mean all men are the same in certain areas, depending on what it is the woman is talking about at the time. For example, if a woman is complaining about her husband leaving the toilet seat up, she is just deflecting her anger or frustration out on all men, which is unfair.

If she found out her husband cheated on her, then she is likely to group all men in the "cheaters" club. After all, if the man she loved and trusted so much could hurt her in such a terrible way, then all men must be cheaters.

If her husband is lazy, won't help out at home, etc., then again, she deflects her feelings on to all men.

The fact is that some people can't (or won't) accept their share of responsibility when a marriage or relationship fails, so it's easier to just blame "all men" or "all women." It's unfair for anyone to do that, but there are many people who do it, mainly those who have been hurt by someone. It's actually a common response by anyone, man or woman, who has been hurt or has seen someone close to them, like a parent, hurt by someone else.

This question focuses on a common complaint line used by most people. It shows in the question, and the fact that the contributor categorized this question under "Abused Men;" he obviously feels abused by some one. That, and the question make a hasty generalization: "If (all) women say that allmen..." It is unstated, but it is still there.

We all are guilty of the same mistakes of human behavior. We lump all or most of a group together because of the bad acts of one or a few. (Understand, there is no racism or discriminating intent from the writer in this next bit.) We see or are told that a certain ethnic or gender group is lazy, or greedy, or stupid, or cruel, and lump everyone from that group in together under that label. If one is then all are. We don't limit it to race or gender either. Anything that separates one from another is a reason. That one has red hair, or this one has freckles, or that one speaks a certain way. It is pure animal instinct, the recognition of the different one in our own group.

The question misses the flip side too. It points a finger, while still not recognizing that four fingers are pointing back at the questioner. Why do women act that way, when the man asking it is doing the same thing? This act (the question itself) is also ego protection, "If she sees something wrong in me, then it is because she does not see something wrong in her." It is projection bias. Historian and social psychologist Peter Gay describes projection bias as "the operation of expelling feelings or wishes the individual finds wholly unacceptable, too shameful, too obscene, too dangerous –by attributing them to another." It is ego protection.

The question does not seem to notice something else: Why does the man need to wait to be picked? Keep in mind, the man has just as much right to "choose" the woman as the woman has to choose the man. In other words, don't just settle for less than what you feel you deserve, and don't be less than what you think someone else deserves because you think they expect it. Get out of your own head--step outside and take a look at yourself.

The answer to how to do that is simple. It lies in the basic fact of one of the most fundamental mysteries of human nature, another question: Why can't we all just get along?Why indeed? And the answer: because we can't seem to get beyond the same monkey behavior. We see others do it, so we do it too. That is, we repeat what we see. This sets up a cycle, and we can't break the cycle until we are aware that we are in the cycle ("Change is only possible [and likely] after the dawn of awareness.")

You can answer your own question, and only you can do it. But, you need to take a long look at yourself and be honest. It seems hard, and in a way it is, you have to break down your own defenses against reality. There are hints here, but that is the best anyone can do for you. You have to do the rest. This is true for every single person on the planet. After all, you can lead a horse to water...platitude, platitude, platitude.

Fixing the problem is a journey, not a destination. Don't beat yourself up too much along the way; you're no more guilty than the rest of us hanging from this tree.