If you slam a door twice in a long term 23 year marriage Why would a spouse call this as attempts to control her -- doesn't most everyone vent like this several tines in a lifetime?

Answer 1

Yes, I agree we all need to vent once in a while and slamming a door is one of them, probably one of the most common ways of letting our anger out and putting an end to a fight that is getting out of control - or out of sight. I believe your wife is going through a stressful period of her life and that is why she is giving that much importance to such a simple and human act. However, I also believe that deep inside she feels she's somewhat inferior to you and that by acting like this (i.e., slamming the door), you are forcing her to an option ("your way or her way") that she would rather take without "violence" - see where she reads it as an "attempt to control her"? I would advise you two to sit down (choose a public neutral but discrete place) and talk about what she's feeling at this particular moment of her life. Try to understand what she really wants - from you, from marriage, from work, from life in general. If you feel like wanting to get up and walk away (=slamming a door), ask her to put her feelings black on white. Writing helps so much (I can give you my word on it), and between two intelligent persons who love each other, it is a gift from heaven. Give her time, though - if she's not used to writing, she'll need to find her own "free-myself style". Good Luck and Merry Christmas.