If your husband is impotent and you had marriage counselling and have a 6-year-old daughter and have been separated for 3 years is it fair for you to walk away since you have no intimacy?

WHEN IS ENOUGH, ENOUGH?

Hi there and thanks for your candid answer. Men aren't just impotent for no reason and it's either psychological (goodness, the therapist must have some ideas by now) or it's medical as I suggested in my last post. I don't expect you to put up with a sexless marriage (I do understand your needs) but I'm asking you to check out all areas of why your husband is like this. There is a reason! Can he explain why he is like this? Sometimes even working too hard and depression can be the link to not being sexually active, but there are medications to help this. Has he had a good physical check-up by your family doctor?

Since you were kind enough to be so candid with me, I'll explain what I'm going through right now. My husband of 34 years was acting lethargic and was becoming disinterested in sex (too tired) also disinterested in his friends, not going fishing like he use too and because we are so close (we communicate very well) I sat him down and asked him to explain to me as best he could how he felt. Of course men have a hard time explaining their feelings, but he told me he just felt tired and lethargic and would procrastinate because he didn't have the energy. It got to the point where he dragged his butt around work and he's a very hard working man. Because he had thyroid problems before and had surgery for it my bet was he needed to be on thyroid meds because he was 61 years old. We were in for the shocker of our lives! It was his heart! He has Atrial Fibrillation and right now we are going to a specialist and he's going through a series of tests off and on at the hospital. I feel so blessed that we have always communicated well and perhaps by doing that his life may be saved. That's all I'm asking from you. Once he's been physically checked over and if everything comes back fine and then see what his therapist thinks then you can make your decision with a clear conscience.

Good luck & God Bless Marcy

Answer

Please get your husband's Testosterone levels checked. Anything 22 and under is low! There is Androgel (testosterone replacement) in a shot (less expensive), patch or a gel that you rub on your shoulder (be aware that he must be sure the extra gel is rubbed off so you don't get any on you as it can be dangerous to a woman.) If your husband is diabetic then it's a noted fact that impotence is to be expected.

Since you have been separated for 3 years it appears you still love him or you wouldn't be asking this question. Impotency is difficult at best, but, no one said marriage was easy. Get those hormone levels of your husbands checked out before you make any decisions on walking away from your husband. Your daughter is apart of this as well.

Men go through a type of menopause called "Andropause." They can become moody, and act strange just like women do going through it. They can suffer from hot flashes as well. This too can lower Testosterone levels. Makes me angry that doctors aren't more into checking male hormones (at any age) because often this can be the problem with some men.

Good luck Marcy

Thanks for your answer Marcy, but my husband is in fact a Consultant Psychiatrist (medical doctor). His problems are psychological, and he has had extensive psychotherapy for 2 years, to no affect. One of my friends (who is a counsellor herself), has said that if I love him, I would put up with how he is, and have a sexless marriage. I should love my husband unconditionally, for better or worse. I am feeling guilty because of my daughter, and am at my wits end. We have tried everything, going away on holiday, away for weekends together, but he says that this just puts more pressure on him to perform. When do you say enough is enough??