Is is cruel for a 60-year-old woman to insist her father cease his lifelong pattern of screaming and making hurtful remarks at her?

Answer 1

Absolutely not--what's sad is that she has put up with this verbal abuse for so long. He may be her parent, but a person who has a long history of verbal abuse towards his child is not a good father. If he refuses to change his behavior (and at this stage in life I doubt he would be willing to) it may be of the most emotional benefit for the daughter to not have him at all in her life or limit contact with him to as little as possible. If your father was fine before and suddenly is at you verbally now, then there could be something medically wrong with him at his age. My own father started this later in his life and I was smart enough to back-off and not say words to him I would regret. It turned out he'd had a mini stroke. Unfortunately, my father passed away just before he turned 60 and before he did he was able to tell me how much he loved me. Then when my mother was in her early 70s she became verbally abusive to me and very bitter about life. Of course I was reduced to tears (privately) wondering what on earth I'd done to deserve such treatment. Again I put a little distance between the situation so I wouldn't say things to her I'd later regret. Oh yes, I was angry and hurt, but, I persevered. It came to a point where she would not talk to me at all. I kept trying, but finally had to back-off when my mother was 78. It wasn't until she was 82 that I found out through my brother that my mother had been admitted into hospital (she was also diabetic) and then would be "pinked slipped" and put into a nursing home after some tests were run. It turned out my mother had been suffering from Dementia all those years. Of course I was broken-hearted to learn about this, but so thankful I had not verbally attacked her. My mother was put on a good medication (it slowed the process of the Dementia down and she was more clear about things, but it was not a cure for her condition.) Thankfully I was given the chance to have a bitter-sweet relationship with my mother before she passed away at the age of 83. My mother was a shadow of her former self, but she was still mom to me and I was able to cope better knowing that she hadn't actually turned on me at all and it was a miserable disease (very prominent in the elderly) that caused her to verbally attack me. It put my mind and heart to rest. I know it hurts when a parents verbally attacks you, but put that distance between you for just a little while and don't second-guess how a parent, sibling or a dear friend may be treating you. It isn't right you should have to hang around and take this verbal abuse, but try to realize it isn't always about you and the person (if they have not been abusive before) is going through some psychological changes at this age or there is something physically wrong with them. Good luck hon