Is it abuse if he always blames you and threatens to throw you out of his house because he's sick of you?

Answer 1

What is being described is domestic abuse, where one person in an intimate relationship tries to control the other partner. The abuser uses intimidation, humiliation, and often threatens physical violence, to create a sense of fear in the one who is being victimized. Domestic abuse almost always escalates into domestic violence. Once physical force enters the equation it becomes domestic violence instead of domestic abuse. NO ONE DESERVES NOR SHOULD EVER ALLOW THEMSELVES TO BE TREATED IN SUCH A MANNER! Helpline...1-800-799-7233

AnswerYes this is a very common tactic for abusers. An abuser is an insecure, shell of a person. They feel no control in their lives. They feel such a surge of power when they can string you along, leaving you off balance. You never know where you stand in the relationship. Your worth to your abuser is changeable as are his feelings towards you. He wants you to feel this unsteady stream of demoralization as it makes he/she feel secure. I will describe to you what my ex husband use to do to trap me into staying. I hope this helps you.My ex would say he was going to trade me in for a newer model, even though I am alot younger than him and very good looking. He would tell me in a rage that he was leaving and i was to fend for myself and our daughter. At ANY given moment he would say "Im outa here"...I would be wondering fearfully, how am I going to get through university (I was a student and Mother) and support my daughter, how do I do this? I was so afraid. I lived everyday under his surveillence and ridicule. He didnt care how I ate, or how we survived even though he was making 78,000 a year. I was given scraps to ensure I would not gather the inner strength to leave. I was told I was ugly, grose, undesriable, stupid and many other names too vulgar to say here. There was also physical abuse. Everyday I never knew what his mood would be. I can honestly say he was a very mean and cold person but knew how to reel me in at the start of the relationship. He was a good con man. Now I am divorced and the very thought of him nauseates me. I cannot believe I was ever even attracted to such a loser. I cannot belive I felt so trapped. However, I clearly understand the dynamics of abuse and the whole stockholm syndrome issue, which was apparant in my reluctance to end the marriage. I didnt love him one bit and wanted out but was so scared. Anyhow, I looked him in the eyes one day (I DO NOT SUGGEST THIS) and said get out of my life and he said yea right and i said no, i don't even want to have a "talk" about why and I don't care anymore, if your cheatingg, doing drugs, gambling, I just don't care, get out. He left but harrassed me relentlessly for close to a year. He was also addicted to crystal meth. It was a really hard time in my life.Now me and my daughter are very happy. Life is very calm. I am not involeved with anyone right now as I continue to take time for me. I will not just go for a man based on attraction like I use to. I always settled and I would rather be alone than settle again. Im working (finished university) and live in a nice place. I am supporting me and my daughter without help of child support. Currently he owes me 21,000 in child support which I do not expect to see. But that's okay, life is good, and finally I am at peace with my life and living a life I thought I wasnt capable of living. Life it too short and there are too many men out there, hot men who are nice. An abuser will never allow you to be happy, and think good of yourself. His/her whole MO is to make you feel like crap and tear the rug out from under when you feel good. Anything good that happens to you is seen as a threat and the abuser will make sure they destroy it. I no longer cry myself to sleep and i wake up happy with life. I hope you find the courage to dump that peace of garbabge, a real man would NEVER threaten you will abandoment, he would romance you and love you and enjoy all life has to offer together. Amen....best regards......Pauline......(Alberta, Canada)