Is it abuse if someone will not commit to you?

Answer 1

I don't see any abuse here. He is up-front and honest with you. He refuses to commit himself. It is a take it or leave him situation - and it is up to you to make up your mind. If you can't accept his conditions and can't endure this state of things - abandon him and find your happiness elsewhere.

All you have are choices...Making one isn't always easy. But you should make one soon. Stay with him and accept that it might not work out and you might not have children or get married or you can leave and maybe find someone else who has the same goals as you in life.

Again, making decisions is hard!!! that's what life is about! Be a strong woman, decide what YOUR needs are and act accordingly. You seem to be hanging onto a dream. I've been down this road and trust me, there are some pretty neat men out there who would like to commit to you. Instead of putting things off all the time. Is there anything more annoying?

yes, it is emotional abuse.

He is abusing you. Over and over he says he cannot promise you anything. He is the one who is deciding how long the relationship will take.

I understand you PERFECTLY. My Indian boyfriend did the same thing to me and said more or less the same thing. He kept on holding on to me and not letting me go while he still needed me.

He dumped me when he was well and done with me.

Think about it, you consider his needs but he does not consider yours. He is using you and does not love you.

I understand why you cannot leave even if in your heart, you, yourself know that he really does not love you as much as you love him. You cannot leave because you love him.

If you are still staying with him, you are hoping that he would later on promise maryying you and having kids. If you want to hope, then stay and hope. I would also stay if I still had hope.

A word of advise, though, STOP asking him to commit because your asking him to commit will want him more NOT to commit. Stay with him because you cannot leave him. Go through each day with him focusing on something else (like your career) and keep on ignoring the pain of him not comitting to you. Show you do not need him to commit. Show your emotional dependence.

Think again "People want what they cannot have." You cannot have his promise that is why you are breaking apart. He is not even affected by you pain because he has you and is always secure you will always stay for him. He is the one who has the control in your relationship. His needs are me and he does not care about your needs.

Again, he does not love you. He is using you. He is abusing you.

If you choose to still stay because you love him. Then stay. But while you do stay, use your head--spend your time on your career and fruitful endeavors, don't spend your time trying to figure him out.

I need some advise out there. I dated this girl for about 5 months. She was different from all the others, and i soon fell in love with her. She ends up cheating on me with her ex-boyfriend. So, she ends up moving in with him,and marrying him.As for me I am still in love with her and feeling as if something was stolen from me. This ex of hers is a bad guy, he beats on her, physically and mentally. I know i am ten times better than this guy but she still chooses him. Well, he gets locked up again for three counts of extortion, possession of an illegal substance, and rearrest on probation. And now she has come back to me in search of help. I love her very much so, I want to help her, but i don't know. She wont let go of me in which i cant let go of her for some reason. It drives me crazy, I tell her to dump the loser and pick up where we left off, but that just seems to frustrate me, because she is not willing to commit. She says she needs time to figure things out, and is not already for another relationship dragging me along in the dirt. I do a lot for her, I ask for nothing in return, but respect and for her to just be open and honest with me. I ask her time and time again, "Do i even have a chance at this, or am i just wasting my time?" She replies with I don't know, I am not ready yet, you can wait and see if it works out or not. I mean I try and make plans with her, but 3/4 of the time she bails on them. I don't know what to do, i want to wait, because i love her so much, and can see myself having a future with her, but i really don't think that me waiting will be good. I think she will go back to him as soon as he gets out, and i will be burned once again. That is not what i want, but seeing that i am history major, that the past with her will continue to repeat itself. I just wish she can tell me what she is going to do instead of keeping me around until she makes up her mind. Well, hopefully somebody out there can help me. Any help will be awesome.

It could be considered abuse. My ex-n husband is still playing mind games with me. He recently found a new girl for his n-supply because I wasn't giving any attention to him. When I found out....I was hurt that he had someone else and that I didn't. I started giving him lots of attention while she was doing the same. When he wasn't being receptive to any of the affection that I was giving him...I finally told him that I wanted to be "just friends" (because we have a young daughter together) he then would get really angry with me and then start telling me enough to keep me hanging on to him. I asked him to commit to only me and let her go so we could work on things and one week he told me that he did and then I found out that he is still communicating with her. He's playing the both of us!!! Anyway, just last Sunday, now he told me that he can't commit to me at this point because he is still too confused and doesn't know what he wants. So, to answer your question...if this is what your significant other is doing to you....then yes, I feel that it is fair to say that it is abusive. I've finally decided that I've had enough of this crap...and I'm focusing on the reasons why I divorced him in the first place and really try to believe that he's NOT going to change for me or this new Michelle girl. Let's both just move forward and forget about them!!! We'll find someone to treat us well and someone who will actually want to commit to us! My thoughts and prayers are with the both of us!!

You are letting this happen. He's not abusing you, he's taking advantage of a situation. You're letting him have you AND his freedom. He gets to have his cake and eat it too. Don't ask him to choose, you've already seen what kind of man he is,get rid of him! You can do it, trust me, I've been there. I surrounded myself with friends and family and in a couple of weeks I was ready to move on with life!

Well, put yourself in his place. If you were the one not willing to commit, would you want the label of "abuser"?

On the other hand - I thought I read something you had said to the effect of... he's keeping you hanging on or not letting you move on with your life??

Sounds like he's got you on a shelf, sis. If you love him, hang in there. If you are tired of the crap, let it go. He'll come back if he cares, and you may even regain some lost respect when he sees that you are not lost without him.

Maybe emotional abuse? But then again YOU are letting it happen. Like someone else on this page said its more of taking advantage..