Is it considered emotional abuse when your parents will not accept your sexuality and won't let you be yourself and be happy?

Answer 1

It depends on how old you are and what they are doing. You say they "will not accept" your sexuality, and "won't let you be yourself and be happy". If you mean they are telling you that you'll grow out of it, then it's not emotional abuse. If the world was a perfect place, parents would be happy for their children and support them in this. But if they are forcing you to go to a psychiatrist or a religious organization to try and change you, then maybe it is. It makes a difference too if you are twelve or if you are sixteen. At twelve you still have lots of things to learn and understand about yourself and your sexuality, but at sixteen you would be a lot more confident and definite about yourself.

No, it is not considered emotional abuse. It's a difference of opinion. I can certainly sympathize with you, but also with your parents. You have lived in your body for so many years and kept your sexuality a secret, so when you told your parents it was quite a shock to them. Often parents are in denial and know full well their child is gay, but prefer to ignore the signs. Even when their child admits to it they feel that "they can change."

Give it time. You have just given them the shock of their lives. It's tough for them to understand why you are gay and blame themselves for the way you are. They believe if they don't agree with you that "it will go away" or "it's a phase you'll get over) or if you pray enough God will make everything right. As you know for years there has been a stigma towards gays and it hasn't been that long since gays have been able to "come out of the closet" and be themselves. Slowly, but surely, society is beginning to accept gays into society. In Canada, gays can marry. At least where I live there isn't much thought given to it one way or the other. With all the terrible things going on in the world we feel that gays are the least of our worries.

If you are truly gay, then you are gay. If you have experimented (bisexual) this does not always make you gay. If a gay person has convinced you that you are gay you may not be. Only you know the real answer to this one.

You didn't say how old you were. If you still have to live at home, then just be who you are. Don't bring other gay friends to your parents home, but go out and socialize with your friends or lover.

My husband and I have several gay friends and there is no problem with it for us, but then again, that's us. I believe that people should be true to themselves or they will never be happy. You have to understand, that not everyone accepts a gay person, and your parents fear for your safety. There is "gay bashing" and a lot of it happens in bars or even walking home from a bar. I think you parents are more fearful for you than anything.

Never for one moment think that your parents don't love you. They do! They are just trying to get over the shock, and trying to find ways to deal with it. If you are a male this is extremely hard on the father especially if he only has one son. It's a "male thing." Still, you must be true to yourself in order to be happy.

Give it time and the first one that will come up to the plate to be there for you will be your mother. Respect how they feel as well, and now that you have been courageous enough to tell your parents, let them digest this for a bit. Don't expect a lot of miracles right off the bat.