Is it normal for your mate to look at other women and then deny looking?

Let me give you the biological perspective and then you can decide if its 'normal'

Both sexes any time their eyes see a member of the opposite sex instantly think ...hmmm would I do her/him? it doesnt matter if its......anyone goes almost all ages
obvoiusly the less attractive the person (to him/her) then that decision is made almost instantly nobody can help it its just biology at work. just because we came down out of the trees doesnt mean we left our animal instincts behind!

Nothing is normal by the way...there is just what is acceptable now and what isnt...both change with the passage of time!

life now is about a clash of worlds...our natural instincts honed over milenia V's Civillisation...about 80,000 years old at most and ever changing...

Normal or Abnormal For A Husband To Look At Other Women & Then Denying it:

• Looking or glancing at an attractive person may be normal but staring or looking several times is just down right disrespectful!! How sad for women who settle for their man doing such a thing. I am an attractive 40 year old woman who looks much younger and yet it is very hurtful to me for my husband to do double/triple takes at other women and let me just mention that he is 17 years older than I am and should consider himself a very lucky man having me for a wife! I also find it sad that some women are giving their men permission to do it when not in their presence........presence or no presence, have they no respect for their woman? Are they not proud all of the time to say that they have a beautiful woman at home that they don't need to look any further? Do none of you worry that they are thinking of the woman they stared at in the grocery store line while having sex with you? If they lie about looking then what else would they lie about? Men, treat your woman with love and respect or move on!!

• Yes, it is absolutely normal. The reason he denies it is because maybe he doesn't want to offend you or your insecurities or ,he denies looking because of the way you approached him. It's totally normal for anyone to look at other people. Just because he's looking at someone or "checking them out" doesn't mean they are going to act on it. I'm sure you look at other people. You should recognize your own insecurity and address this about yourself before striking out at your innocent man. Next time he looks maybe you should have fun with it instead of getting angry.

• My husband has done this over the years, although he swears he loves me to pieces. About a year ago, my husband, our 12 year old son, and I were walking out of a store behind a very sexy young girl...my husband deliberately "hung back" and let my son and I walk ahead so that he could stare at this girl without me noticing (or so he thought) this went on all the way out into the parking lot until he could just no longer look anymore (had to get in the truck with his family)...let me tell you what...I am a very attractive, well built 44 year old woman who turns heads all the time, I have a good personality, a big heart and by all accounts would make a man proud to have as a wife...but this still happened to me. I did not speak to my husband for almost 2 days, and he was begging me to talk to him...I told him I had way too much self respect to allow him to ever do that to me again, that if he wanted to stare and gawk he should do it on his own time, when he was with me he had better treat me like a lady...I cannot tell you how angry I was, I felt so betrayed and embarrassed and disrespected. He kept saying it didn't mean anything and replied 'well it does to me.' I also told him if it did not stop, I would absolutely never go anywhere with him again, and I meant it and also added I'd rather go through life alone with my dignity and self respect than to tolerate what I consider to be a form of cheating (and it is cheating, ladies, I don't care what anyone says.) My husband ended up sincerely apologizing and said he truly did not realize how it affected me, and he has truly tried in the last year to curtail the staring...believe it or not, since this happened, communication has greatly improved and there is a much greater understanding between us, but it has been a long haul at times and it has taken a lot of work. The best advice is set the bar high as far as how you expect to be treated, love yourself and don't put up with that sort of thing, you deserve better...your man will either love you enough to meet your standards or he'll continue his bad behavior and then why would you want him anymore anyway?!!!

• Yes, he either doesn't want to hurt your feelings/make you made angry, or he doesn't want you to see him staring at women all the time. You are not going to change his behavior. Don't show your annoyance/hurt. Instead, occasionally go past a good looking man and say, "He's pretty sexy!" or, "That's a good looking man!"

• It's perfectly normal, but you have to be respectful when you do something like this. I love my fiancee and think she is the prettiest woman ever, but sometimes a woman may catch my eye. That's okay, just as if some guy catches her eye. I may give her some good-hearted grief about it. But you should be upset if the casual look turns into the long stare with the "Whoa momma!" glint in his eye. That is not right at all, and also is a sign of cheating in my book. Although it's in every one's nature to people-watch, if you're in love with someone you will be respectful about it. Just my opinion.

• My husband has done this for years and I have tried to cope the best way I could at the time but it triggers all my insecurities. I am considered very attractive and have had men hitting on me all the time. Until last year, I looked much younger than my years and found it flattering but silly that young men would look at me. The one thing that always bothered me was the men who stared, (not all men do this) made me very uncomfortable even though I enjoyed the attention. Also, it bothered me that they didn't seem to care that they were often with their wives or girlfriends. Sometimes a truck driver would almost drive off the road looking so hard. Obviously, I am not the only attractive woman around so are they doing this constantly...all day long? I think so. My husband seems to be looking at other women more and more. I have been very ill the last year and have gotten much thinner and older looking. He seems to be a very devoted and loving husband but will not refrain from this behavior. I still take care of myself and try to look as attractive as I can. I am now considering a face lift and breast implants. He use to often tell me that I was pretty and sexy and beautiful. I haven't heard compliments like this for months. He obviously is finding many other women attractive enough to stare at them and he is sending them a message that I know longer get. It seems as though he's getting a sexual buzz from them and in my mind it's still a form of cheating. Since I became ill and have been very depressed about everything, I asked my husband to stop doing it as it made me feel even older and less attractive. But it seems his enjoyment of this overrides my needs. This is what bothers me so badly. I don't think it's actual jealously on my part because I never mind when we go see a show with scantily clad girls. Entertainers have even sat on his lap and danced with him and I had a good time with it. I never minded him looking at nude women in movies and even joked with him about it. But now because he cannot show me the respect I need at this time, I am thinking his problem is more than just looking. He is a good man and committed to me but I think he is addicted to other women and I don't know how much longer I can live with this. Does anyone else have this problem? I also want to say that he seems to only look at all the sexually attractive women...as opposed to nice looking women in general. For instance, if a girl walks in with a mini skirt, or boobs hanging out, etc. he can't help but look even if they may not be attractive otherwise. However, a women with a beautiful face dressed very discreetly walks in and he won't even notice. This tells me it is a sexual thing with him. But I guess what bothers me the most, is that sometimes it turns into "staring" so long that I become invisible. Even before we were married he did this and he has become so engrossed that he I can't even get his attention. I would say something to him and he couldn't even hear me. What was happening here? The way I coped with this, at the time, was to enjoy the attention of other men in the room who were looking at me. It went on for years and the more he did it the more I wanted men to look at me and would dress the part to get the attention. I got tired of that long before I became ill and wanted it to stop. Whenever I tried to talk with my husband about it, he would become defensive. Things would get better for awhile but it went back to the same old stuff. I would like to take this looking at women as a normal man thing and not become insecure, but that's not the way it is. Also, if he is offending me and not meeting my needs at the time but giving that attention to another woman, to me it's a form of cheating on me. Finally, I was sexually abused as a child and I hate the fact that some of the girls he looks at so sexually are only in their teens. I think that it's disgusting. Am I wrong? The other day I was in a grocery store and this lady (in her thirties) walked down the aisle wearing short shorts. My husband wasn't with me (thank goodness) but a little old man who looked in his 80's (if not perhaps 90's) was shuffling down the same aisle. As the woman walked past, he not only stared at her legs but struggled to turned on his bent old legs so he could look at her till she was out of site. Funny, yes, I thought, but also a gross, dirty old man. Would I want to be married to someone like that? Not really. It made me wonder, was my husband going to be like him at that age. My husband is not into pornography because he thinks it is wrong. I don't understand how he cannot see his girl watching behavior as wrong when it brings me such hurt and it's degrading to the girls he is ogling. I no longer want to go any place with him due to this behavior and my feelings of insecurities and of being betrayed. It's getting to be a very serious problem in our marriage affecting everything. We are going to seek counseling (we have before) but I would like someone else's opinion, please.

• Looking at someone else is normal, "people watching" is one of the top American past times. Looking at another attractive person is also normal. HOWEVER, there is a line. There is a distinct difference that I explain to my husband. If a beautiful woman walks into a restaurant and he looks at her, not a big deal, I normally make a nice comment about her or ignore it completely. But, if he keeps staring at her, then it's disrespectful. You should be able to have a conversation with your mate and expect their eyes to stay on you. So, if you feel he's inappropriate, don't get mad (or at least don't show it). Say something to the effect of, "I notice that you keep looking at the girl at the next table. I agree she is attractive, but the way you keep staring at her is disrespectful to me and our relationship. You have time at work or when your out with the guys to stare at other women, I would just appreciate your attention when you are with me." That is really a point that can't be argued, and if he denies it, let him know that your request is still valid, regardless. If he keeps doing it, then you may have a character issue with him. Bottom line is that if a man respects his partner, he will not do things that are disrespectful. Don't get sad, get smart and pay attention to the person your with. Men lie, they just do. I am married to a very upfront and honest (sometimes even too honest) man. He lies, I know it in my gut. But I pay attention, ask for the treatment I expect. The other thing is, the more you tell a man he can't look at other women, get magazines, watch soft or hard porn, go to strip clubs, etc, they feel like your taking their manhood and will just do it anyway behind your back. You have to negotiate your needs. Give him some slack, then give yourself some slack with a full body massage with a hot guy. People have to start talking about how they really feel.

• The ultimate problem with most of us women is that we look outside ourselves for approval and validation. Of course every women wants to feel attractive by their husbands. But lets not lose ourselves here, we need to get strong and prepared. When we let the insecurity take over, all of a sudden its like we are sinking into a black hole and the man doesn't even notice. This is where "girl power" comes in, no matter how old you are. My advice to any women that is suffering from an unappreciative and "pre-occupied" husband is to be beautiful again and get your light back. Start exercising, taking vitamins, eating healthy foods, reading soulful books, having lunch and dinner with your best girlfriends, buy some new make up that is naturally glowing on you. Even adopt a new style, but do it for yourself. He may notice that all of a sudden you've sparked up and now to busy for him. Be sweet to your man, but never give him the upper hand. This is not about not trusting him, it is about building inner strengths from all aspects, so that you are in control of your own life. So many women worry about getting older and losing their husbands interest or even marriage. Its time that women just keep getting better as they get older, then the men can worry. Men are completely irritated when their women gets ill. They just don't know how to handle it. They take care of you for about 4 hours, then ask if your better yet. We have to just understand that they don't have the natural vision and feeling that women have. Get it together girls, go rent the movie, "Fried Green Tomatoes".

• I truly believe that if my husband loved me the way he says he does then he would respect me enough not to do it in front of me. Recently we were a group of men and women that went out together and I overheard my husband make a comment "How he almost got caught a couple of times". I felt so hurt because I have asked him to be honest with me if I see him looking at other women and not to lie. Its the lying that I hate and find disrespectful. He thought what he said was funny and laughed at my expense if front of our male friends. I leaned into him and and made him understand that I was extremely upset how he was making fun of me and making a fool out of me by laughing at me. He said that he was just chiming in with the guys and was only joking and that he didn't look at anyone that day. He lies to me and that is what gets me crazy. Tell me the truth and I wont get crazy. He ruined my whole night. We ended up arguing and I waited all week to go out with everyone. I'm extremely insecure because he has cheated online for the first two years of our relationship and I happen to find email to several women on his PC. I was devastated cause I trusted him with my heart and soul and now I just cant get back to feeling secure with him. I'm sick to my stomach when I see him looking at other women and then he makes a fool out of me by denying it. I have gained a lot of weight since I first met him. We've been married two months. He says it doesn't matter yet he has told me to that he would like me thinner. I have tried to lose so many times and I just don't know what it is that I cant lose the weight. I always make myself look nice for him and smell good and keep clean but he just seems to have to look at women young enough to be his daughter. We are in our forties. He doesn't understand that ever since his online cheating I am not secure anymore. I was very thin at the time and gave him everything he wanted and he still has hurt me terribly. I wasn't like this before the online thing. I'm sick to my stomach all the time about this and cry to myself cause I want to look good again and with him ogling other women it kills me inside. Sometimes I just want to die. What is wrong with me and what is wrong with him that he is so insensitive to my feelings.

• I am a forty year old woman who was in a relationship with the same type of man that is being described here. Fortunately, we were not married, but we lived together. By the sounds of it, you are women who are committed to making their relationships work under any circumstances. I commend you for your efforts. You take your vows seriously. However, your man is not. He is not "loving, cherishing and respecting you". You have drawn the line by letting him know how upset you are, and he disregards your needs and feelings by crossing it time and time again. And, because you are still with him, they will continue to do so. You have made it acceptable by staying. I experienced the same rage and insecurities, the same on-line cheating incidents. This is a problem and you know, because they have not admitted to it, there is no hope of recovery. When I questioned my ex about it for the last time, and told him I would not put up with it, he told me he did not want to be in a committed relationship and that is what your man is telling you. Those were the last words he said to me, my response was to move out. Some women would choose to stay, which sounds like you. If he is behaving this way in front of you, GOD knows what he is doing when you are not around. Who knows how long my ex would have been doing this had I not "caught him". I love and respect myself enough and know there are people out there who will love me and cherish me. But, this type of man is incapable of doing anything that doesn't satisfy his desire and his needs. The tears you cry and the days and nights that are ruined because of it, you will never get back. This life is not a dress rehearsal. It is better to be alone, than being humiliated and degraded. Yes you are married, yes you are invested emotionally, but you have given enough to someone so undeserving. You can't control someone else's thinking or actions, only your own. Show him just how much you respect yourself and leave.

• I don't know about ALL men out there but I think most of ( or at least a lot of them ) think we're real stupid. I've demonstrated to "denying" men over the years the movements of the eyes. Out at a restaurant, for example, a pretty woman walks by getting his attention from the football game on the t.v. on the wall, I say something to him about it. Of course, I'm paranoid and delusional and why would he look at another girl when he has the prettiest one in the room... blah blah blah..... Since we are sitting next to each other on the bench at the table, I ask him to please watch my face from the side and note any eye movement he may notice. He does. I look up at the t.v. then over toward the aisle, without turning my head at all mind you, then look to about butt level- back up -then back at the t.v. I ask, "What does that look like to you? I'll just tell you I had glanced down at my plate contemplating the consumption of the last fry only because of all the effort on the part of nature and the fine people of Idaho and the ordering, transport and warehouse people to bring this tasty spud to me. Now would you buy that story?" Of course when you actually pin them down to the eye movement thing and make them watch yours do exactly what theirs did, they admit it. They're mad, but they admit it. I think they just have to feel like they're getting away with something. Some I think want to see if the woman looks back at them thereby feeding their ego. But why? Do we not do that? (I'm not always sarcastic like the above spud story). Its normal yes. But, all men out there need to know that their "its a natural thing we men just do" habits hurt our feelings and cause us insecurity and doubt and for what? Is it going to kill them to not look? Is the size and shape of her body worth that? If all parties are aware of it, there will be only one who gets any flattery out of it and that's the girl that's walking away, the one who won't be cooking his dinner, doing his laundry, taking care of his house and kids, maintaining his lifestyle, satisfying his sexual urges, taking care of him while he's sick, listening to him scream about his boss etc. etc. Yes, she'll walk out of there and feel great about herself, he'll probably not give her a thought again, and we can wonder one more time why we lavish all our attention on this man of ours.

• My problem with my husband has gone on for years. I some times wonder why I stayed married. I had prayed to find a soul mate when I met my husband at age 17. Through the good and bad times, I always thought that my prayer was answered and it would get better. We were blessed with two beautiful children and they are the love of my life. I always wanted my husband to remain the love of my life too, but slowly began to notice that what attracted his attention did not look like me at all. Masturbation and Porn magazines became his love. He preferred to satisfy himself in an ?easy way? as he calls it. I tried to change my hair and be the person that I thought he would desire. It was a very internal turmoil for me, and no one to share it with. I was not into masturbating and felt like my life was passing me by. Fortunately, after I went back to work, I found that other men found me very attractive. I never did cross the line, although there were men that were very serious about wanting a relationship. I never got complimented at home and was so surprised that other men really thought I was pretty. Some even thought I was conceited because I was so shy and somewhat surprised at their compliments. The men (and very good looking) I met through work boosted my ego and my insecurities began to fade by their compliments. Women friends also said I was extremely attractive and could not understand my insecurities. I could never tell them that my husband never ever said that I was beautiful, sexy or the love of his life. He used to kid me and say he married me because he ?felt sorry for me.? Even if it was in jest, it used to hurt me. I am sure you are wondering why I stayed with him. Because I always felt and still do that much of him is truly my soul mate. He is nice looking but I really married him for the person he was inside. When that began to change, I became so insecure and scared about what to do. I have for so long wished I had another man to satisfy me sexually. I always think e my husband would like another woman for the same reason, although he says he does not. But I really do want someone, even though it is against my moral standards. As you can see this is a very sad situation, because I will never ever cheat on my husband. I am over 50 now, but everyone says I still look great and young for my age. I am very petite and have tried so hard to stay attractive. I am planning on having a mini facelift, to help me stay somewhat youthful looking. Maybe, by the grace of God, my husband will change, but I am rapidly losing my desire for him. If he truly loved me and respected me, he would not do things in public to hurt me. He still denies it and says it is my imagination. I have quit confronting him with it. It just isn?t worth it to argue, when he refuses to admit it. However, I am somewhat embarrassed to go out wondering what other women think of us and wondering why I would stand for this behavior in public. I remember when I was a teenager, a man in my neighborhood use to always walk down the street smiling at my girlfriend and me. We would smile back, but we thought he was a pervert and wondered why his wife ever married him. I am so mentally exhausted trying to cope with his compulsive and somewhat narcissistic behavior. It may sound strange to you, but I love so much of him and enjoy doing things together, wondering how it all got so out of hand. This problem is consuming me. I cannot believe this is all happening. It is like a living nightmare sometimes. I always thought we would continue to have a wonderful life after the children grew up. I feel he has stolen that from me. Just writing this is breaking my heart. I have had suicidal thoughts as an easy way out, but I do not think that is the answer. I feel God has a plan for me, but with all of this turmoil, I can?t hear him. I also want to be physically loved so badly. Our children have moved out and I do not want to have an affair, but I desperately need someone to make me feel sexy and loved completely. My memory is being affected and depression is overwhelming at times. I have said in my mind, I will give it a year, but I really don?t ever expect it to change. I am so lost. We have built so much together and have talked so much about what we want to do. I just can?t understand why this is happening. I don?t want to make the wrong move, but I can?t go on living like this. I am so thankful I found your Web Site and that other women are having the same problem. I thought I was losing my mind until I read about all of your similar problems. I find a piece of me in each of your problems

• Well, I'm a man, and I'll answer that, yes, it is normal to look, but normal doesn't mean it is right to do it when you are with your wife. I am pretty self aware, and when I'm with my wife and an attractive woman arrests my gaze I pull my attention back to my wife and if anything, overreact out of guilt. That's the nice answer, now here is the brutal side of the answer. I was rejected by women who I was profoundly attracted to over and over as a young man. At 25, I met my future wife, and she became my first proper girlfriend. We fell in love, and a deep bond grew between us.....but....she was not a woman that I passionately pursued, but someone I knew where the bond grew gradually. I have simply known nothing else but her. People tell me that this is how love happens in the real world, and that I am blessed....but....and this is a secret I have told no one, I am not very strongly physically attracted to her. I tell her she looks lovely, sexy, etc., but would I be telling her the truth if I told her I've never felt the way I feel toward her, or that she is the most beautiful woman I've ever known? You decide. You see, I do see women that make my heart thump in my chest, and it opens an ache and a yearning to be in a relationship with a woman that I loved in THAT way, rather than just the gentle way we have. And, in my more pathetic, self-pitying moods, I wonder why it was that my wife chose laid-back, relaxed-with-her me, whilst she rejected the young men that were crazy about her, and why the women who I was crazy about rejected me. It seems the same with all my friends. They married women who they were relaxed and confident with, their wives finding this attractive even as rejecting the nervous/crazy-about-them guys as "lacking confidence". Maybe, just maybe if women married the men so madly in love with them that they can barely speak for nerves, rather than the ones who are "confident" with them, then they would have the deep attention that they desire later in the relationship. Maybe if men weren't so stupid and cowardly that they settled for anything less, then their eyes wouldn't wander.

• You seem to be very considerate of your wife's feelings which makes me think you do love her in many ways, just not as much in a sexual way. Your feelings toward your wife may be very similar to what my husband feels. I know he really enjoys looking at young beautiful women. I, too, have longings for a very passionate person, similar to my very first love, which was strictly physical attraction. He deceived me so badly, I thought I would never trust another guy. But my future husband came along, and like you and your wife, we grew to love each other very much. It was not as strong a sexual attraction as my first love, but I began to look at his other finer qualities, like trust, intelligence and love for me. I realized that he was the one I would like to share my life with and raise a family with. I always thought it would be impossible to find a "complete package" with all the sexual prowess as well as brains, trust and commitment. So I chose what I thought would be a genuine lifelong partner. But, I think those of us that have remained commited to our spouse for so long, may all feel the ache to have some passionate, sexual relationship with someone who takes our breath away. As I described in my first letter, we have had many ups and downs and having this Web Site has shed a new light on our relationship. For one thing, I AM NOT ALONE. I have always felt I had no one to share my deepest thoughts and pains. I have had recent talks with my husband and he says he loves me and does not want to have an affair or divorce. He just can't stop looking at women and it has nothing to do with me. I have to believe him, because he has no reason to lie. I offered him an out and he said no. As I mentioned above, after reading your letter, I think I now understand what my husband is going through, and I am going through a similar wanting. Your wife may also be having similar desires. Our society oozes sex all the time. It is no wonder we are always looking around, always wanting more. For me, I hope I can quit being so consumed with my husband's staring. I am going to start finding new and fun ways to please him and myself. Maybe you and I can fulfill our fantasies with our spouses. We just need to add some spontinuity and imagination. Don't get "stuck on stupid", thinking you settled for less because I bet you made a perfect choice in a wife. You sound like a really nice and intelligent guy who loves his wife very much. We just need to be creative and find our innermost desires and share them with our spouses. -I really feel it can work and we can both have the "complete package". I wish you the best.

• I think it is normal for most guys to look. I however, think some guys dont. very rarely, but there are guys out there who respect you. when they love you they only want you. they cant see anyone else in that sexual sort of way. to deny it if they really do is stupid. i dont know if im living in a fantasy world but i believe if you really loved someone like truly did, you wouldnt be attracted to anyone else in the first place. obviously you look around at people in your environment, but just because theyr're in your view, not because you think they are attractive and you are attracted to them. i dont think all guys look. but most yes.

• I think you are right that not all men stare at women the way way our husbands seem to do. As I mentioned, my husband says he has to fight the urge, so it may be a compulsive problem that some men have not control over. For me, I think it has gotten worse as he has gotten older. I will always love him and when we are alone and he is focused on me, I feel he really loves me too. He is very attentive at home and our sex life is much better. I totally block out what goes on when we exit our home and try to stay focused on his feelings for me. We are very emotionally linked in so much of our life, that I can't envision being with anyone else as a true partner and soul mate and I think he feels the same way about me. It is just when we go out in public that everything starts to change. I see a different person emerge in him and I feel I take a back seat while his thoughts are elsewhere. I refuse to quit going out because I enjoy going out to eat, hiking, movies, etc. and don't want to deprive myself of the enjoyment. However, it is sometimes emotionally very draining by the end of the evening. My husband continues to say he does not stare or ogle, and it is my imagination. For those of you going through the same problem, we know it is not our imagination. After having long talks with my husband and watching him, I think he really trys at times not to stare or flirt, and personally, I am beginning to think he he is not capable of changing his behavior. It really does appear to be a compulsive behavior in him. I really do love my husband and every day ask for strength to ignore his behavior in public, to not take it as a personal insult. Down deep I am trying to reconcile that this problem is something I will probably have to live with and accept in my relationship with my husband for the rest of our marriage. For you women who feel that your significant other may have this compulsive trait, think long and hard before you decide to get married to them.

• Have to agree. I left my partner 3 times. He put on the tears everything. Denied cheating which I am sure he has once.....No more I have sworn............Tried to give him benefit of the doubt. Was so disrespectful got to the point didn't want to go out in public as my self esteem was so low - had to boost his own ego which made me feel 1 inch tall. He would literally eye them off to the point that they thought he was interested in them. Didn't matter that I was standing there. I actually - not boosting my own ego - think I am a hell of a lot more attractive than these teeny boppers. What would you rather - stupidity and giggling or maturity and experience? He is 38 mind you and the girls he'd eye off were around 19. Some men have absolutely no idea. They're the ones that pay for it (prostitutes) tell me who the more intelligent ones are???? I think the women.

• i have been dating this guy for 5 months now. i have noticed his behaviour right away and I mentioned it to him. i am very open and cannot keep myself from getting upset and showing it. He admitted it and told me he was going to change. he said: 'it is an old habit and I can break it.' Today i sent him home with a goodbye. i left him. he did it again last night. in front of me. staring at a teen...(with parents and boyfriend)...i thought it was too much. i love the guy. i feel great with him. we have wonderful wild sex. i am very attractive and have guys looking at me all over....i just cannot take the disrispect...it is not insecurity...AT ALL...i just cannot take the behaviour...let's put it this way: it makes me sick in my stomach...and that's already too much! tonight i looked at him and told him: honey, i like you.you are great. we have wonderful sex...i love you...but you are history. he looked at me and asked why...because you will never change...and even if you will (with time) i am not such a patient person. he tried to talk me out...but in the end he admitted that i had been patient enough. Point being is the following: if you are really attracted to a woman you just do not do it. i mean, staring. you may look, see, glance...but once and not always...get it? as i said i am attractive, i do have many men looking, but i also have men NOT looking, especially when they are with another girl...therefore I KNOW there are men who are different and i am determined to find one like those...and i told my bf...he was crashed...but he will recover...and hopefully he'll find the babe he wants next time...

• I've known my husband for 39 years and been married to him for almost 35 of those years. We trust each other, communicate well and have seen each other through many hard times. When he sees an attractive woman he'll come right out and mention it to me and I'll look and often agree. Sometimes if I see an extremely pretty girl, I'll say, "She's very attractive." He agrees with me. I also look at handsome men and either I make a remark or my husband does. That's a sign of maturity and trust that is earned through the years. To me looking at a beautiful woman or a handsome man is like looking at a fine piece of art. I don't feel stressed out or inferior at all. I have kept myself in shape, don't look my age and I'm petite (a little over-weight). I'm extremely confident in myself and feel if my husband wanted other women more than me he would have been gone by now and if he did leave he knows there is no second chance with me. Men looking at women is normal! Women are just sneaky about looking at other men. It's time we faced reality and stopped being in dreamland when we think that they should only have eyes for us 100%. Just because a man looks at a woman or vice-versa doesn't mean they are going to jump their bones! If a man has a bad attitude about looking at women and not paying any attention to his wife or flirting with other women then that is a problem, but normally, men simply look at good looking women. The only cure for this is horse blinders attached to their heads.

• Okay here's my story. I started dating this guy a while back...he was always after me, even when I had a boy friend. He was really crazy for me, always telling me I was beautiful, sexy, etc. Eventually after chasing me for over a year, I finally started dating him. Several months into the relationship and I noticed him staring...practically drooling...at other women when we went to the mall. I couldn't help the pangs of pain that shot through my heart when it happened...but I tried to play it cool and act like it didn't bother me. We had only been dating for 5 or 6 months anyway, and hadn't even been intimate yet. I should have ended it there. Several months ( and nights together) later we went to a restaurant and he was practically drooling over this waitress. His eyes followed her everywhere she went...while he totally ignored me. I wish it didn't bother me, but it hurt like hell, and I am not much of one to supress my feelings. I was visibly upset when we left. He was really apologetic, but I got the feeling that he didn't feel like he was doing anything wrong. The thing is, he may well have been like this ever since I knew him. I mean, he was clearly very physically attracted to me from day one, which is why he hounded me so much. But who's to say he wasn't like that with several other girls? He may well have been like this, but I didn't notice it before because I didn't have feelings for him at that time. He is a very visual guy...even when there is a hot girl on TV or anywhere he perks up and is more attentive than before. My previous boyfriend wasn't really like this....there may have been a few times where he glanced at a pretty girl but it just wasn't with the same fervent attention that my current boyfriend does. I know he has quite a history of looking at porn and masturbating even though (he says) he doesn't do it anymore...but I feel like it might have affected him because sometimes it takes a while for him to get aroused in the bedroom....and I don't think its me because I don't think I am an unattractive person...none of my exes had this problem and I get hit on alot....I feel like I was more attractive to him when he couldn't have me and know that he has me he's more preoccupied with what he can't have. After listening to these other women's testimonies on here, I feel scared because I know that I am a very sensitive person and try as I might these kinds of things hurt me very deeply and I don't want to live the rest of my life feeling this pain and insecurity every time he does it. Maybe I am a very insecure person to base my feelings on my looks...I know that I am also a very good and intelligent person and any guy would be lucky to have me...his actions don't make me feel worthless as a person but they do make me feel insecure about my physical appearance. They make me want to get plastic surgery, etc. because I feel like physically I am not attractive enough to him and even though he tells me that I am on occasion he has told me on multiple occasions that some celebrities are prettier than me...which of course they are....but it still hurts to hear it from him. I don't know what is wrong with me..... I wish I wasn't so insecure and his remarks/actions didn't bother me but they really do!

*** Im a girl, who has a very serious problem with this! I was with a man for 2 yrs, and he would constantly look at other women, to the point where a girl would be standing behind me, and id be talking to him, and he would be moving me out of the way, i couldnt say or do anything he was gone. He looked at my sisters, so i got to the point where i wouldnt let my sisters go anywhere near him, i couldnt go out, i stayd in doors with him for dat 2 yrs, i became agrophoebic, i got not physically go out the house with him. I felt hurt, betrayed, ugly, not good enough. But he was the one dat was not attractive, he was fat, ugly and no body liked him, i was the good looking one, which made me so insecure, i slashed my arms cos i jus didnt feel good enough for anyone.

Iv recently left him, got over him, dont even think about him, and thought i wasnt insecure anymore. Till i met the love of my life who wasnt the best looking atall. Skinny, ginger, ugly, nobody likes him, ask everyday how the hell am i with him. And again i feel so insecure. he would stare at other women so bad, when i met him i met him with my sisters, so he as always been around them so i thought that wasnt a problme. now my sisters are beautiful, and recently we were all going out one night, and one of my sisters was in a tiny white short dress, bright colouyred thong you could see everything, her ass bouncing everytime she walked. i looked good, i wore the dress he loves me in. But when she got up to go to the toilet, he was staring at her ass, eyes wide open, i was looking right at him as he was doing it aswell as sitting on his lap!!! that done it for me, its bad enough to look at tother women, but to look at my sister? and i told him about my ex, what i went through, how big a problem to me it is. and he denied he done it! now im still with him but he is making me want to cheat, to make someone else make me feel the way i wanna feel, n the way he should make me feel. Il never forget it, we were so happy, going to get enagaged, now i dont wanna be anywhere near him, i dont want my sisters to be around him. i feel like i have to wear the tiniest clothing, to make him want to look at me. I dont know about anyone else, but when im holding his hands happy, the one he is with and then he looks at other women i would prefer to be the women he is looking at rather than the one who is with him, it means more.

I just wanted to say something from my personal experience, I don't think that your partner looking at other women is a problem. I have had serious relationships with people who look and people who don't look and I understand both. If you are walking down the street with your friend and a really hot guy walks past do you look? Of course you do!! It doesn't mean you love your boyfriend less if you think Justin Timberlake is hot, right? Of course not! You just have to think that he's made a choice to be with you, he might be looking at other girls but he's going home with you. Change your reaction to his behaviour and you'll keep him on his toes, he'll be expecting you to give him a hard time for looking - try laughing at him, flirting a bit maybe. He'll be so surprised that you are finally giving yourself enough respect not to care about his every move that he won't be able to keep his eyes off you.

It is both normal and natural,I am a girl and I look at hot girls/guys and I know my boyfriend does it to,sometimes we ask each other "would you?" if we see someone attractive walk by,it's great fun once you get over your insecurity.

First answer by Knowitall. Last edit by Xun. Contributor trust: 1 [recommend contributor]. Question popularity: 148 [recommend question]