Is it possible for a compulsive liar to recover if he claims to be working on the issue?

From our video partners

Restless Legs Syndrome RLS
Learn more about this very real condition.

Hmm.. how do you know he's not lying about that too?

Answer

NOOOOO!!! but that is just my opinion, and I have dealt with alot of liars. I don't think that people change their ways -- or it is very, very rare for someone to change and stay changed. I just don't think it's going to happen. A liar only says he's sorry because he got caught!!!

I have to agree with you! Totally. My ex-boyfriend was a liar and after saying that he was sorry he still lied to me. He lied a minute after he told me he was never going to lie again!!!! He is still lying now and I know that he has a phycological problem. I am not sure if his parents agree though. I think his dad and the younger family member have the same problem. Liar's remain liars. Unless they are changed by God. God is all-powerful and with Him all things are possible!

• hello, i am 15. I used to lie all the time about little things, major things, basically it was almost like a normal thing i would do. until about a year ago i realised just what i had been saying i liked attension. It was such a mistake to liar the amount of guilt i have is ridiculous, i cry often and punished myself i wish i never lied but people have accepted me, i have confessed alot because otherwise it just builds up more and more inside and the guilt becomes worse and worse people have forgave me but i dont no if i can forgive myself. please if u lie try to stop it isnt healthy.

Answer

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! No way. He's a Compulsive Liar. He does nothing but LIE. Why believe him if he tells you that he's working on it. That's another one of the LIES he tells you so he can get what he wants. Don't believe a word he says. Get away from the compulsive liar and don't go back. They are real good at making people feel sorry for them. They play head games. These kind of people should not be trusted. They're like drug addicts or alcoholics. First they need to admit they have a problem and then get PROFESSIONAL HELP!

Answer

As a compulsive liar myself i find it very hurtful some of the things people say about the sickness,which is exactly what compulsive lieing is A SICKNESS!!!! I have just recently admited to myself and the person who means the most to me(my wonderful boyfriend) that i am in fact a compulsive liar! Do drug addicts or alcoholics not deserve the chance to get help from a loved one so that they can recover. Yes you have to admit it but i find it comforting and helpful knowing that i have my family and my boyfriend to help me...dont give up on the person!! help them!! if the person is trying to get help and admit it...they really want to change(atleast this person)...

Answer

It is possible for a compulsive liar to address their problem but they can only do it with help and support. It is no good saying they're working on it. They must have some kind of proof that they are getting help.Compulsive Liars are suffering from an illness. They need to change the way that they respond to themselves and their lives.It is not easy but everyone deserves the chance to try and change their lives. Sometimes they need someone to hold their hand to get help. Ultimately you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink!

Answer

I don't think anyone who is compulsive would change, I think if you don't know for sure that they are getting help, they can't stop lying long enough for you to take their word for it!

Answer

If a compulsive liar claims to be working on the issue, any attempt would be disingenuous and only for ulterior motives . A compulsive liar will continue to lie when the truth is in front of him in black & white. The only issue they will really be working on, will be how to keep you from finding out their next deception.

Answer

It's possible. You need to take them to a psychologist, someone who knows the mind and knows how to get around the lies. Someone, who can show them how their lies affect others and why they need to stop lying.

Answer

Of course it is possible to change if you are a compulsive liar, I am living proof. Many times there are reasons why you do this, for myself I was abused and had very poor selfesteem. In certain instances I felt the need to lie to make myself feel more adequate in a situation, I always felt poorly about my life or personality so I would try to become something I wasn't through lying about my life. It is a hard cycle to break because you really need to deal with the abuse and the selfesteem issues not the lying issues...the lying will stop after you learn to deal with your abuse and get some selfesteem.

Answer

The answer rests with the liar: only he can change IF he WANTS to change.

However, I don't think that's likely to happen -- it's a preditor and it's happy that way.

I wouldn't recommend being a party to the liar's "recovery" -- unless you want to be absolutely gutted by a mind-bending, reality twisting, manipulative, using, abusing and violating sub-human.

Answer

stop calling compulsive liars "its" you have no right. My best friend is a compulsive liar and i have been hurt many times by him because he told me he was abused and made terible things like that up to get attention. If i give up on him he will have no one, they need help and people like you arent doing the job. His parents are both dead and i think that is why, most compulsive liars have probably been neglected in some way, and to help them you need to be there and give him positive feedback about who he really is like " you look great with the haircut" but check if hes a narcissitic. They want your pity, give it to them. He lacks self respect and self esteem people can change, but not by themselves or by being insulted. Be more mature about the issue and realize that most of them dont even know that they are lying trust me your friend probably has a very hard time sleeping at night.

Answer

I am a compulsive liar. I have just been able to see the seriousness of my problem and that is sad. I lie because I think it is fun. I too have a low self esteem and I lie to build up a life that I percieve as more normal or more appealing to outsiders. I make up exciting stories al the time or elaborate on true stories. My friends love to hear me talk but most dont know I am lying. I am a very good liar, I learned that and how to be manipulative from my mother. I just told the guy that I have been in a relationship with for the past two months everthing about me. He is the first that I have recended all of my lies and told only the truth to. Only, it is too late. He is hurt and torn up that I kept up the lies and the stories for ths long, not being able to trust him with the sad truth that is my boring life. He made me realize just how hurtful lying can be to other people. Since I am a copulsive liar, I do not trust anything people tell me, so I am rarely suprised when someone comes to me and tells me that they have lied. I guess I expect that everyone is an undercover liar just like me. I do believe that I can change my ways but beieve me, it's hard. Being a compulsive liar is like being a drunk or a druggie: lying is our fix. I still believe that there is a thril to be gotten to lying with people and it does help to mask some of the problems in my life from time to time but I am wiling to give up this excitement so that I may foster normal relationships with people that I care about. I am tired of hurting others and losing others trut. It hurts me to think of how much someone believed everything I said and then when I tell them something different it makes them believe that they got to know the lie I created instead of geting to kow me. I will seek professional help but I just wanted to say that there is hope for us, we just need to see how our selfishness truely effects those we care about for us to be willing to change.

Answer

My wife and I of 8 years have always had problems like any other relationship. I used to be a compulsive liar, but only because everyone in my family was also. My mother was an alchoholic and so is my wife. I have gotten over the compulsive lying with one exception and that is with my wife. I always look up to her and love her more than anything in my life. I just can not stand to see the disappointment in her eyes and the mistrust that I have caused. She has always been very verbally abusive, and I was a liar! I left my wife three weeks ago not because of her verbal abuses but because I can not stand to see the hurt I am causing. I stopped lying to her for 2 years and then slipped and told a really stupid lie. I saw the look in her eye when I had done this again, and I left because I don't want to hurt her anymore. I appreciate the kind words above writer has about recovery and needing that helping hand.... I am to the point that if I can hurt someone I love with that kind of ignorance, There is no help for us liars.

Answer

I cannot answer yes or no to that question, In my heart i believe that my husband would change if he could, yet it smacks me in the face when he tells another lie that no amount of proffesional help can change him. Having read all the other views on this page, and knowing the reason behind my husbands lies, (he too was abused), I still feel non the wiser as to how to solve this problem because no matter how much you try to help someone get out of the habit of creating a seemingly better imaginary world inside their head, the real world doesnt stop turning and it doesnt stop the people you love the most from walking away. All i can say to the people out there who "lie for fun" is this.....How would you feel if one day you had a real problem and there was no-one who cared because you had driven them away? My husbands problem is frustrating me no end, but when I think of my life without him it doesnt seem any richer.I guess time will tell whether he stops lying, its stupid cos they arent even whopping great porkies either its stupid everyday little things, but its not even the subject of the lies thats cracking me up,..........its the continuity of them....Goodluck to you guys out there who are just trying to help someone.

Answer

I can sympathize with those who advocate not giving liars another chance, and it seems to me that on the whole, like with any compulsive behaviour, people are unlikely to change, until at least they hit rock bottom. I have been a compulsive liar most of my life. I have certainly told people that I would change, and not meant it, when I just wanted to get out of an embarrassing situation. I have also, many times, wanted to change from the bottom of my heart and failed. I even remember making a commitment to not lying when I was eight or nine. Nearly twenty years on, it's still an issue that I battle with and it makes me ashamed of myself.

Having said this, my lying has become much less frequent and serious over time, as my life situation has changed steadily for the better. Having achieved things that previously I would have lied about (like getting an education) I find now that the gap between who I am and who I would like to be is getting narrower, raising my self-esteem and slowly allowing me to let go of the habit of lying, which before was the only way to emotionally survive. It's taking time and habits are hard to break (sometimes I exaggerate things to make them more interesting or lie as a way to get out of a tricky situation), but I'm getting there, and almost without noticing, my mind is catching up with the idea that lying is no longer something I need in my life.

A bit of a long rant, but I have a point: yes, liars can be exasperating and on the whole, should probably not be trusted; but they are still human beings with genuine emotions, capable of hurt and love and regret, and often they are trying to put behind them painful pasts, which taught them one had to lie to survive, to maintain a minimum of self-esteem, to be accepted by others. Even when these people's lives become better, the programme is still in their heads, and automatically they continue to behave in the same way. Trust and believing, and believing once again, when someone is constantly lying to you is probably not the appropriate response, but a bit of compassion might be called for.

If someone wants to email me about this my email address is melissaxc24@hotmail.com

Answer

I am a compulsive lier. And, God its hard to quit...i really enjoy lieng, but hate to feel the concequences. I hope someone out there understands the pain we go through.

Answer

I believe that compulsive lying is not only a disease, but it is an addiction as well. My husband is addicted to lying - and at this point I firmly believe that he will never be able to change. Some of the lies are very extravagant, while others are simple. I have MANY times sat down and talked to him about his lying, and have asked him to be honest with me. He just cannot and will not change. His parents don't like to talk about it - they are in denial that they're precious little boy is a compulsive liar. I know that when I leave him he will make up all kinds of stories about me, about what a horrible person I've been. He has lied to me for the 7 years we've been together. He lies to everyone he knows. He can't keep friends or jobs, because eventually they catch on to his lies. He would rather make up a story and risk losing his friends, etc, than tell the truth. He makes me feel like I am crazy - that's what happens when someone plays mind games with you and they are very good at telling lies. It would be great if he could recover from this illness, but it doesn't look hopeful at this point. Like someone else said in this forum, it would probably take him hitting rock bottom before he ever wanted to change. It's good to know I am not the only one who has been "abused" by a compulsive liar.

Answer

Hello, I am a compulsive liar, I have been offered help many times. You need to hit bottom, period. My dishonesty has affected my wife and kids and our families, I have hit bottom. My parents denied any problem for years and when they did help I was not willing to accept it. It has affected the way my family treated me. I was sexually abused when I was in my teens by a stranger and it increased my anxiety and self-esteem especially in relationships to a high degree. This had a profound effect on my relationships and I have never felt worthy. As a result I suffer from depression. I am finally being honest with myself 'outloud' for the first time in my life. I am actively seeking help. I have tried to control it many ways and have never had the courage to face myself. I have no one to blame. It is not an easy thing but if you can find the courage you can start. I found my courage in the tears of my wife and our wonderful life which my lies have destroyed and hurt. The love she had for me and the hurt I have caused is apparant. My wife tries to explain my actions as psychotic or delusional or bi-polar and it is a very difficult thing to grasp. I will forever regret how I have hurt her and my families. I am getting help, because this is destroying me. You just have to make the decision and realize that you hurt others that love you needlessly.

Aden

Answer

As a person who's been married to a compulsive liar, and myself, have been pretty bad with lies as well, I can see it from both sides. Growing up, I lied about lots of things for various reasons. I, like your cookie-cutter case, was abused physically for 10 years by my father, and for different reasons, have self-esteem that's in the toilet. I haven't had a pleasant life, and rather than dealing with it, I sought solace in the lies I created to protect myself from the pain of dealing with reality. My lying, no matter what the reason was, was inexcusable. On one hand, you want to be loved, etc, but on the other hand, you will never get what you are truly looking for out of life when you live a lie - it will catch up to you in the end. I wouldn't necessarily classify myself back then as a compulsive liar, but I did lie alot, and mostly to the people I didn't want to hurt, namely my mother. There came a point in my life where I realized just how much I hurt my mother - the tears she'd shed from my lies, and the fact that even the littlest things, she couldn't trust me with, or when she needed someone to lean on, as much as she wanted to lean on me, she couldn't, because she didn't trust me. I've become alot better at telling the truth, and have devoted myself to making sure I do just that at all costs, as it is far more important to live my own life, and not a fake one that I created, and it is also important to me that I'm looked at with trust, and not a question. On the other hand, I suppose one could say I got a dose of my own medicine, as I'm now dealing with a true compulsive liar, and have been for nearly 6 years; Where everything that is said and done is a lie. Nothing is sacred and safe from his lies. We've almost lost our vehicles from him lying about car payments being sent. He's almost been arrested for lying about fines being paid, when it reality they weren't. The lies range from small ones "Yes, I scooped the litterbox" when he hasn't, to bigger ones, like lying about mailing payments. It's hurt me terribly, and is to the point where it is literally making me crazy, when I'm constantly wondering what "dead body" I will dig up next. I thought I knew my husband very well, but the more I dig up on him, the more I realize, I don't. I don't really think I even know who this person is anymore. It's to the point where I can't even stand to look at him from all of the lies I've been dealt and continue to deal with. In the end, the only way a compulsive liar will stop, is when he/she truly recognizes what is going on and is willing to acknowledge his/her issues, and get serious help. It's very similar, IMO, to dealing with alcoholism, and the like. There is a very long drawn out process in recovery, not only for the liar, but for the one who has been coping with the lies as well, and even then, there is a real good possibility that one will fall back to old routines, rather than dealing with the reality of their life. They also need to get to the core of their need to lie and resolve that issue, in hopes that the desire to lie will lessen; you can't kill a weed without pulling out the roots. If they are not able to commit to a serious life change and some serious help... if they can not come to terms with the consequences of their lies, and are not willing to get to the root of the lying, then, no there is no possibility of recovering. It is in the liar's hands. In the case of my husband, he is most definitely not ready for this jump, and may never be - dealing with life as it is, rather than the fake world that one created, is very hard, and I don't feel he's ready to look into the mirror and see what he's done. I've been told many times by him that he wants the lying to stop, but in the end, even after 3 counselling sessions, we've gotten nowhere. Sometimes it's best to just get out of such a situation, before you yourself begin spiralling down because of their lies. If you can handle the mind games, the questions, and the "dead bodies" buried in your yard, and the possibility that these things may never end, then more power to you, but at the same time, it's hell being on the other end, and god help me, I'm terribly sorry for what hell I put my mother through, and glad I've matured from lying so much - I wish I could say the same for my husband, but unfortunately, it will probably be too late for him before he ever learns how much hurt and pain he's caused me.

Answer

im turning 17 and Im not really sure if I am a comulsie lier...I think I am because lies come out so naturall. I know it has hurt many people in my family and right now Ireally do notknow what I should do! I dont want to ie any more Ijust want to live my life as a normal teenager...what can I do?? I really need help...I have always denied this but i think I have hit rock bottom...and the thing is that I cant even lie! I seriouslt suck at it and most of the time i get found out! Please help

van

Answer

It is possible for a compulsive liar to recover if he claims to be working on the issue, in my opinion at least. I myself was a compulsive liar at one point in my life. When I first started highschool I had to deal with alot of peer pressure and that's when I started lying. At first I wouldn't lie that much, I would only lie when it was neccessary. As the years progressed I began to lie more and more and more. By my final year of highschool I couldn't tell anyone anything that had any facts in it what so ever. It didn't bother me either. I felt comfortable as I lied, I believed in what I said despite the fact that they were lies.

However there was light at the end of the tunnel. Without the help of a therapist of any psycologist I managed to recover from being a liar. It is not a hopless cause. It all started when I began to realize all the damage I was causing. Despite the fact that I believed in what I said I knew something was wrong, it hurt inside. After a few weeks of hurting almost everyone I knew through the means of lying it just came to me. I realized I needed to stop.

It was hard trying to stop at first. I would try to talk without lying, and it wouldnt help that people would presume you were lying anyway. Thats the kind of response you get from all of that lying. That makes it incredibly hard for the liar to ever recover on his own. I still knew what I was doing was wrong, and continued to try and tell the true. I continued to try and have a sensible conversation without lying. I knew they still thought I was lying about everything. Needless to say I pulled through and here I am today. I don't lie anymore at all. Well I shouldn't say at all, but when I do lie I get a miserable pit in my stomach that doesn't go away for weeks.

Answer

To the CL that left his wife because he didnt want to hurt her anymore... Dont! You made it clear you love her. You are only lying more by running away from what you want. To all CL's there is hope. Find God. He can heal all things and he forgives you. Go home to your wife, God hates Divorce. The last thing your wife needs is to feel alone and that you dont love her.

Answer

There is hope. I have been married to a CL for 7 years. He has commited adultery. He has spent the last 6 years looking at me in the face and making up so many lies to cover his tracks. Even his emails to other girls say the craziest things, redicualous lies. I cant get him to confess or tell me the truth about anything. I have to completly show him proof of his sins before he will finally breakdown and say.... "ok, I did it". He like all the other CL's dont know why they lie. But, I trust in God. He can fix this. The Devil tells me to move on, be free of this, you will be so much happier... but God says in black and white that he hates Divorce. Trust in God, surrender and confess to him. You dont even have to confess it to anyone else, just God. Come clean.

Answer

30/11/05

I am 32 and I have been a cumpulisve liar since l was a young boy. It has become second nature to me, l feel as if everything that comes out of my mouth is a lie. I have been with my wife 10 years now and have lied to her on many occasions. She has found out on several occasions that l have lied to her and she has told me that l lie once more then she will leave me. Even when she finds out that l have lied, l lie again to cover my tracks...why?

Finally today l have realised what l have been doing to my wife and children. My wife said to me today before leaving the house that she could not look at me without feeling sick and that she does not know who l am anymore. I dont know who l am and l have felt this way for a long time and lying is the only way l can fabricate a live that is interesting and exciting.

I have very few friends and feel that when l am out with them they are lying as well. I feel as l can not say anything without lying, l dont know who l am anymore.

I think now that l have realised that l am a compulsive liar l am on the road to recovery. I am going to book an appointment with the doctor this afternoon and seek some help. I dont know what happens now, but l want to get away from the feeling l have when l lie.

My wife and kids have just walked through the door while l have been typing this and l have not lied to them, l feel as if l have achieved something already. I am going to take everyday as it comes and try and save my marriage. I dont want my kids to become liars like me.

I believe lying is a habit, like any other habit you need to break it and it is finding the mechanism to do that. Good luck to every liar out there to break this illness.

I am going to say "Honesty is the best policy" in my head before l open my mouth and talk.

Answer

I just stumbled acorss this site and I am really glad that I did. I don't feel so confused and unsure of myself anymore.

I have been involved with a person with whom I love very much, but I cannot stand to look at anymore let alone have a physical relationship with. We have been involved off and on for the past 13 years and have lived together for the past 5 and have two children.

I have encountered so many different kinds of lies from the little and meaningless to those that have cost me thousands upon thousands of dollars and me to live a debt and stress filled life.

I don't have any personal enjoyment derived from my family life, I feel miserable every time that I walk in the door and I have turned into a suspicious and sneaky person to enable me uncover some of his more serious lies and it makes me sick to my stomach.

We have had huge blown out arguments and fights where I want him so badly to move out and get out of my life and he admits and then apologizes and i'm sure tells some more lies, but our girls and their dad love each other very much and we've already done the visitation thing, again, lies and tension but derived directly at me, so keeping him at home is hard on me, but the right thing to do for the girls.

I am at the point of potentially having to claim personal bankruptcy for the second time, losing not much really because he's kept us from getting ahead financially for years. We haven't been able to buy a house, pay-off the car loan, purchase RRSP's or anything like that, well I guess you can all make the correct assumption on this one.

Anyways, it's just nice to be able to kind of tell this to someone and to know that I'm not alone in this type of situation.

Thank you all for your answers to the question from both CL's as well as the people they have affected.

God Bless

Answer

Hopefully we can recover. I have been a compulsive liar for quite sometime now. It never effected me untill my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me b/c of my lies. I didn't realize how bad lying could be untill you hurt someone that means everything to you. Lying has became natural to me, one lie leads to the next. I can't understand why I lie, but hopefully one day i can figure it out. At least I came to the conclusion that i do have a problem and hopefully it can be solved. I have faith that I can change this so called disorder.

Answer

hello everyone.I believe that we can change for the better and get over this horrible problem. I just realized tonight how bad it has gotten for me. I have lost my wife's trust and it kills me inside. I realize I need help and have been calling counselers to set up appointments to help myself. My father is a compulsive liar and I remember seeing it at a young age. I saw how he lied to my mother and in the end they divorced because of it. I refuse to let that happen to my marriage!! You have to find the urge in yourself to want to change and to get better. I vow to beat this problem and earn my wife's complete trust and love back. There is nothing worse than seeing someone you are in love with heartbroken and crying because of your words.

Answer

My ex-boyfriend is a compulsive liar. He thinks it's a funny game to lie and manipulate his friends and family and turn everyone against everyone else. He is only 22 yrs old. I have confronted him several times about his lies but he just tells more lies to cover the old ones up. He lies so much that he truly believes what he says. That's how I caught him and figured he is a compulsive liar. His lies are big and some involve things that could land him in jail cell. Is it true that when a compulsive liar gets intoxicated that his/her true self comes out, or is he just lying thru the alcohol?

Answer

I have decided to get help, to change radically, NOT because I got "caught" by someone else, but because in a moment of sudden clarity, I caught myself. My lies have been many. Some I could see in the moment. Others I believed so profoundly that I made personal and professional decisions based on things that never happened. Sometimes this feels like a form of amnesia; sometimes it feels like a narrative that starts spinning our of me and is out of my control. I am so convincing in my stories that I get to where I cannot tell the difference. recently I started a chronological chart of my life, placing next to each event a person that could confirm my claim. Much to my horrow, some of the events that I was most convinced of in my past were denied by people who were around me then. I see now, looking both from therapy and my intention to change, that this is a complex problem. There are many grey areas between the diagnostic categories of psychology (pathological, compulsive, hystrionic lying). I am less interested in finding a name for my condition than I am in addressing the profound fears and shame that created such a defense mechanism. Most of the things I lie about are in the past, but the habit leaks into even small behaviors in everyday life, always in places where I might feel shame. I often feel in a trance while covering myself with a lie, especially about my horrid childhood. Ironically, I have filled my life with real accomplishments and work in many ways that allow me to serve others. However, I am never enough, and am constantly ornamenting things that are fine in themselves in ways that make me look even more important and accomplished. Never enough. Never lovable. I have asked my friends to stop me when they hear something fanstastical or weird come out of my mouth. I am even looking at what I want to say before I utter the words, to discern what is not so in the initial way I thought up a sentence. There are therapies, there is Neuro Linguistic Programming, there are many roads to improvement. For me the keys are meditation, the support of friends who truly believe in the person that has always been there under the lies, and a commitment to greater disdernement and healing. The tastk is formidable. But we CAN and do change, with determination, hope, and compassion for ourselves. One day at a time. One sentence at a time. Carola

Answer

Carola, It looks like you've come such a long way! Way to go. I'm sure life is rewarding you for being strong. I have just read the tread and i am worried. I have meet the love of my life and im messing it up. i have build a wall of proection build by the things i belived people wanted to belive. I have come to understand that i have been building an idenity to please others to make life easy for my self. i have hit the bottem as i am about to lose the first person i have been able to trust. I meet a man by chance, but i lied from the start telling him what i though he needed to hear to find me attractive. after a year of falling in love i had to confess because of the panic attacks. guilt was driving me mad for the first time, in 32 years of living i have began to assess my ego and the fact that i was destory something good because i don't belive i am worth it. my mum and dad have a long term marrage but build on lies. its part of their game. Being tomboy to please my dad as he wanted a son taught me to be ruff and tuff but as soon as i hit sexual ativity a behaved like a man. it has only throught meeting the love of my live that i have started to address the imbalance in my id/ego. how can i expect him to support me as he is the one that has given me the love to open up to my liaring. When i confessed in one big go that i have being plain old bullshiting him he gave me another chance. From that moment on everything changed it was like clockwork orange as soon as i told a lie i have strong panic attacks. the feeling that i was gonna go mad unless i told the truth. Even when i was given too much change in sainburys i gave it back and recived no thank you but had to do it because i had already made the change. That hit home to me that i belived i should be reward for telling the truth. The truth should have been second nature but for me it was a question. I had to seek medical help for the panic attacks but after a month of beta blockers i wanted to get off. i have been reading N.L.P. to find ways of training my beheviour. But so far it has been on my own. my bigest concern is hurting an amazing man that should have better than me right now. I know i make him so happy in everyway expect my passed. I tried to do the right thing by sending a letter to an old pal of ten years ago whom i have stayed in contact with as we travled together and had a sexual experience once as i want to commit to my partener and get rid of any old ties. the day i posted a letter to say hello and goodbuy my old friend he calls from aborad by chance, i have to tell my boyfriend the truth or as my central neovous system kicks off. at first i cover up as that is natural for me but i have nothing to cover up as i have tried to do the right thing and politely say good buy to an old male friend so i would be free of my passed by posting a letter that morning by chance but i did not tell my partner in the moment. As soom as i walked out the door to go to the shops the panic hit me and i had to tell him that i had alrady sent a letter say good luck and that i wwnted to focus on my partner. I could have not said any thing as that could have cost less harm but i am so impulsed to tell the truth now that i can't cope with the littleist lie. even if telling the truth after liaring cost me the love of my life i will accept it with grace as i have made my bed, and i must lie in it. he has given me the gift of love and trust for the first time in my life and i have been destroyong it by reflecting my past problems on to a true human being. I have been studying N.L.P to try and rebuild my self. I have studyed mental health in the past but it is not helping at the moment i have a second appointment with a conceller and have got myself of the betablockes. My partner does not like the idea of me talking to someone else of getting medical help and taking pills to cope and i understand but i belive that i need a proffesional to help me. i don't think it will matter as when he wakes up tomorrow he will want me out of his life as i am to much hassel for a man so wonderful as him. I hate to say it but the man who has shown me the light and given me the chance to trust has had enough of me. it hurts so deep as i have opened up to him with all my heart and when i have said wrong i have confess becaues i love him like no other, so much so that if i dont tell the truth my body attacks me so i have no choice but to tell the truth even if it destroys everything which it has tonight. it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. i will thank him every day of my life you showing me true love is possible, even if im not wothy of reciving it. I hope one day i will have the time and the chance to teach this to others before it is to late for them. I belive this is a tuff path but without taking the right steps for myself you or i will never be ready to find a true soul. I know life will give me another chance but what scares me deeply is i will always wish i had got it right with the man i am about to lose. i belive love is the only thing that can help. But when you destory love because you feel you are not worthy you blame yourself. I am asking too much of my partner he has a life of his own and a company to run and i am not helping him bt putting my head problem on him. Do i walk away because i love him so much and feel he is going to do better with out me. Or do i belive in the love that it so strong to me and fight to be with him. i just want him to happy with or without me. i don't care for me because he has already givin me more that i have had before. In fact i belive i should feel pain in relation to all the pain i have been party to causing over the years. i wish i had been ready for such a wonderfull. He will go far and be a total success. i will love him till the day i die. The soul mate i always wanted in my dreams will have to go back into to my dreams. I hope that one day i will be worthy of my dreams... one day. Peace and love to all hazool thank you for your time.

Answer

In my experience it seemed the person truly meant what he was saying.... but.... nothing ever changed or improved.... turned out to be more lies! Be careful of yourself! Take good care of yourself! Protect your self, the adult and the child parts of yourself! It is hard to know when one is lying and your trust is sacred and special.... when it is repeatedly squashed, you might become squashed also! Blessings to you.....

Answer

I believe it is possible to recover from compulsive lying. I am not a liar, but a drug addict. I believe I suffered from what I believe most liars suffer from. LOW SELF-ESTEEM. To all those that need to know this...you must love yourself before you can truly love another. Material goods are nothing but shallow distractions. Truly love yourself and you can live with next to nothing and be truly happy! Once, before I came to my self-realization, I found myself with all the money and toys that I thought would make me happy. I couldnt figure out why I wasn't happy. Then one day I lost everything I had. I realized that I hadnt faced the truth. I hated myself. I dropped the hate. I work to improve where I am not pleased with myself (where I reasonably can) instead of escaping with drugs or like with other people here, LYING. I am still view myself at the bottom of the pile as far as true accomplishments but it doesnt depress me like it used to. Why? I am finally making positive progress, even if its just a little at a time. I am facing my demons instead of running scared! I feel happier than I have in 25 years! Lying, like drugs, is just delaying your recovery! Delaying your true happiness! Of course compulsive liars can be cured! They just have to know what it feels like to be truly happy! As cheezy as it may sound, I give my love to all. I hope you can see and love your true self for what it is. For better or worse. Ugly or pretty. Fat or skinny. Smart or stupid. Perfect or imperfect. Love yourself and good things will happen to you. Trust me.

• Why do you have a compulsion to type what I do flicking neighbor off?
• What causes paranoid personality disorder?
• What is it called when a woman BELIEVES she is pregnant to point of physical changes to her body?