Is it the Narcissist's fault that they are so dysfunctional?

Answer 1

Ultimately, everyone can blame their problems on something and someone else. One person can blame their behavior on the fact that their parents were too protective and loving, resulting in a feeling that he/she was "smothered". Another person will blame everything on the fact that his parents were cold and sent him/her away to boarding school. Still another will feel that he/she didn't get anough attention because he/she had too many siblings. Still another will feel that he/she would have been far more "normal" if he/she had grown up with siblings. The simple fact is, nobody's parents were perfect. The result is, none of US are perfect. We all have an excuse if we want to use it; "I'm messed up because I was bottle fed." Perhaps it's time to just "Get over it." If we all suffered some form of abuse, then abuse is the norm. But let's face it, much of what some people claim is abuse is nothing more than an imperfect parent trying to do what he/she considers to be best. After we're raised, we have a responsibility to act like grown-ups. A narcissist never learned to grow up, or more accurately, never WANTED to grow up. They never take responsibility for their actions and as such blame everything on everyone else. Wouldn't it be great if we could all do that? But we're adults, we have learned, regardless of our own "dysfunctional" parents, to be responsible. Don't let a narcisist continue to be irresonsible. Yes, it's his/her fault. He/she is the one with the inappropriate behavior. He/she is the one who uses others. Once he/she is grown up, who would you SUGGEST that he blame? = Is this really accurate? = I have read the above comment and although I agree with the poster on principle, it would seem to suggest that narcissists may at some point have had a choice to change their behavior. This is of great interest to me since I have chosen to accept the "inevitability" that the narcissist in my life was simply incapable of being any different. (This is how I am able to cope with it!) A narcissistic personality is a learned behavior so you can bet one or both of his/her parents were narcissistic and they grew up in that environment. I agree with the first poster and it's true, we could all blame something in our past for our behavior or failures, but the truth of the matter is we can change things if we want to bad enough. My father was an alcoholic and although my brother and I loved him a great deal he made our family life miserable. Not once did my brother and I blame our mistakes on our parents and, in fact, we learned from it and neither of us drink to excess. All behavior is learned behavior to some extent. Even instinctive behavior is shaped by the observation of others so the particular form of expression it takes is learned. Narcissism is no different than any other personality trait that is externally expressed. Keep in mind that not everything that is labelled narcissism is really narcissism.