Is there hope for your marriage if you left your narcissist husband 3 months ago and he has admitted to many mistakes but not big issues like cheating and you think he was sexually abused by his dad?

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Sound like he has already used his excuse to you that he was abused by his dad and it's time your husband quit using this excuse. Many people have been abused by a parent(s) and of course it is a terrible thing and one that psychiatric counselling is needed. However, he knows this and has chosen not to do one thing about it. Men are more apt not to seek counselling than women. Some men feel they can take care of it themselves and don't want to appear weak. Many men also feel by seeing a psychiatrist people will think they are crazy.

You owe this man nothing. He is aware of the environment in which he came and it sounds as if you were as supportive towards him as you possibly could be, but when he doesn't seek out the help or take your opinions and only becomes worse or never changes then it's time for you to move on. Because he has not admitted to cheating, etc., he is still not helping himself and I hope you just keep moving on.

No, I don't think you can go back to him. When he can seek out counselling and prove to you he is serious and you can see some honest changes in your husband then it's possible you could get back together. Can you wait that long?

Answer

Narcissism is extremely difficult to change - especially when you want someone else to change who is narcissistic. So is dishonesty such as not telling the truth about cheating. If someone is sexually abused by their father, you can understand why they may act the way they do... but this is absolutely not an excuse because every adult has the ability to change their life. He is no longer the child who had no control over his life. He is now an adult and is choosing to lie and be self-centered. THIS IS NOT A MAN WHO YOU WOULD WISH UPON YOUR DAUGHTER OR SON - so why would you wish him upon yourself? Please stick with your decision, get help in therapy to figure out why you chose a man like your ex-husband, and allow yourself to live a full life with a truly loving and honest person. You are only guaranteed one life and you never know how long it will last, so you owe it to yourself to make it the best that you can. Best of luck!

Answer

Well, you can be glad that he has admitted some things to you. It is interesting that he has also been sexually abused, and you can be sorry about that. However, that said, it doesn't change a thing. He hasn't changed over a long period of time. He hasn't indicated that he will act differently towards you in the future. Or, that he will be able to do so. Hopefully, you can stay away and not go back. The deal is, that whatever finally broke the camel's back and caused you to leave will recur. Your future is certainly more rosy without him as your partner.

First answer by Marcy. Last edit by Simplemary. Contributor trust: 948 [recommend contributor]. Question popularity: 59 [recommend question]