Should you go to the person who needs you more or the person you love?

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This is a great example of our impulse to cater to the world at our own emotional expense and disregard our own needs and happiness. This is just a loving suggestion… go to the one you love and as far as the one you perceive as "needing you", you may want to get information on codependency and abandonment issues to help you understand where that fear of boundaries may be coming from. Blessings to you.

Answer

You go to the one you love becase if go because of need you giving yourself to a life of misery and pain. It is better to be with the one you love and has touched your heart than the one that only touches your mind and you feel pity for. Both of you will be happier with ones you love. Trust me, I have been there, and back and I am happy to say i am now with the one i love.

Answer

Here are opinions and bits of advice from WikiAnswers Contributors:

• You should follow your heart in this case. It doesn't seem healthy for another person to need you that much. However, you don't mention why this person needs you so much. Whatever the case may be, if you sacrifice your happiness and your chance to be with the person you love, odds are, eventually, you will come to regret your choice and probably even to resent this 'needy' person.

• Don't be co-dependent. You're not a slave. Stick with the one you are in love with. Don't you have any self esteem? And don't let yourself be emotionally manipulated by some person. This one was a no-brainer.

• I wouldn't agree that it was a no-brainer. I think you are a wonderful person to consider someone else's happiness or health or whatever over your own. It's tough because you know you have to look out for number one, but you don't have the heart to leave someone else in the cold. If you can only have "one person in the house," consider handing out blankets. (Not cheating, I mean being a great friend)

• Ask yourself this. Do I love you because I need you?, Or Do I need you because I love you? Needy people suck you dry. There are different levels of need. Are we talking someone who has been in a car wreck? Or someone who needs you because you love them? In which case makes you CO-DEPENDENT, which is an sickness in itself. You need to sit down in a quiet room without anyone, the need or the love. Really look to the inside for what your answer is. Maybe right now you don't need to have anyone. Maybe you need to look at why you want to go to the person that needs you? Need doesn't equate love. It will suck you dry. Period. Its co-dependent, unhealthy, and doesn't get anywhere but hung up in a cycle of yuckie.

• I agree. It is unhealthy to be with someone because of need and resentment will grow from being suffocated by dealing with a needy person especially in a intimate relationship. Personally, I may feel sorry for the one that needs me, but would go to the one who loves me.

Answer

I believe that women naturally follow their hearts, and men are more factual. That is a broad overview, and not all individuals fall in to those patterns. In the event that you have to choose between the person that needs you and the person you love, the person you love is the best choice. If you stay with the one that needs you, you will eventully resent them simply because the love is not there. It is nice to be needed, but if they need you to fill a void or to keep them stable, etc. It is a co-dependent situation more or less and will not be gratifying to either of you. The person that needs you will never meet their true potential if their needs are always met by someone else other then themselves. It falls into a situation that requires both parties to understand what is really the basis of the relationship. I am for true love in whatever form it comes (gender to gender) and ultimately any other choice will leave you both wanting something the other person cannot provide.

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Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love.

There is no other reason to be with someone for the rest of your lives. Give food or money to the needy. Find them someone else to date. You're not doing them a favor if you live a lie.

First answer by Grace Kim. Last edit by Awesomeanswer. Contributor trust: 122 [recommend contributor]. Question popularity: 218 [recommend question]

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