Should you tell people about a narcissist's attempt to demean you?

Answer 1

Do not keep your abuse a secret. Secrecy is the abuser's weapon.

If all else fails, the abuser recruits friends, colleagues, mates, family members, the authorities, institutions, neighbours, the media, teachers - in short, third parties - to do his bidding. He uses them to cajole, coerce, threaten, stalk, offer, retreat, tempt, convince, harass, communicate and otherwise manipulate his target. He controls these unaware instruments exactly as he plans to control his ultimate prey. He employs the same mechanisms and devices. And he dumps his props unceremoniously when the job is done.

Another form of control by proxy is to engineer situations in which abuse is inflicted upon another person. Such carefully crafted scenarios of embarrassment and humiliation provoke social sanctions (condemnation, opprobrium, or even physical punishment) against the victim. Society, or a social group become the instruments of the abuser.

Often the abuser's proxies are unaware of their role. Expose him. Inform them. Demonstrate to them how they are being abused, misused, and plain used by the abuser.

Trap your abuser. Treat him as he treats you. Involve others. Bring it into the open. Nothing like sunshine to disinfest abuse.

Based on my book "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited"

� 2003 Lidija Rangelovska Narcissus Publications

I'm glad to know I did something right. I secretly married a guy who who made me promise to keep our marriage a secret because his daughter had emotional problems and said she could not cope with it. But when he ended up in the hospital for 4 days and didn't call me, I told her about our marriage and guess what? She was happy about it! So I couldn't figure out why he still wanted to keep us a secret. I found out he was supposedly seeing someone else and so I decided to put our wedding anniversary on cable TV! The worst part is that he told me he was only married once before us, but I found six of his divorces at the county courthouse! Once I exposed him, he immediately wanted a divorce. After I worshipped the ground he walked on for an entire year, he just threw me away. The sad thing is that he is a police officer and uses that position to manipulate women. I am suing the city for negligence because they are aware of his doings and facilitate his behavior. He falsified our marriage certificate as well. I have been telling my story all over town and the more I do, the more I hear awful things about his past. I'm so glad my friend told me about narcissism. I just learned of it today but it has helped a bunch already to help me understand that this was not my fault.

After many years, I decided to let the family know of 20 years of abuse from a sibling. They didn't believe me. They avoid me now and think i am just stirring up trouble. They are avoiding me. I am avoiding them. Peace at last.

The narcissist is already prepared and has stratedgy in place. They expect you to react to what they said or did and have an ambush waiting. Don't react. They are so confident in their ability to push buttons and get reactions, that even if you don't react, they still behave as though you did. Then they reveal the big liars that they are. After they get caught, they accuse you of setting them up. You say, "set up for what, what are you talking about, and how did I set you up?" They say, "you know" because they can't reveal it was them that was setting you up.

I do...but then again I didn't really have to. Mine is such an obvious controller that I was first warned by others before I began to speak out about the things they didn't know about. I suppose it's up to the individual whether they want to expose the N. It might be beneficial though for when things eventually get rocky.