I am a modern bon vivant and self made man in the model of Hemingway or Hunter Thompson. I enjoy the good things in life -- fine port wines, honduran cigars, and wet tee shirt contests...

I have traveled around the earth and seen many interesting places. I find that people are the same no matter where you are. Except in most places they wear funny hats and don't speak english.

My greatest achievement (lately) was the instruction of a group of Chinese workers in Henan in the art of limbo. I believe that Corona beer will be the new favorite beverage in China after Baijiu.