What are some reasons women are abused?

Answer

I would first like to make it perfectly clear that the women (the victims) NEVER ask to be abused either verbally or physically and they are not weak by staying in this situation; leaving the situation and returning.

Abusers have no back bone. They are scum! They pick on the weak. Most men that are abusers are terrified of another man taking a poke at them. Abusers just don't pick on women, but children and the elderly and most probably were bullies in school. They are simply out of control and never bothered to seek professional help for their problem.

Abusers are a bomb waiting to go off. They are frustrated, enraged at times, angry, feel they deserve better in their general life and dislike most people that get too close to them. They feel they own women like chattel and that once living together or married the woman is theirs to do as they please. They have a twisted sense of relationships with women, family and friends. Many abusers come from an abusive environment in which they grew up, but there are some abusers that are just plain mean to the bone.

Here are some reasons:

• Since humans don't know themselves 100% they can't be expected to know another human 100%. Abusers are chameleons and can woo the woman with gifts, being nice, doting on the woman's every whim.
• Once the man has won her over little things begin to happen such as commenting on how she dresses, who she sees, orders her meals while out at restaurants and generally taking pot shots at everything she does. This is the beginning of the deceptive web an abuser uses. These changes in the man's personality are so vague to a woman in love that they go unnoticed and she may just feel he's having a bad day, or possibly she did something to provoke him, but says nothing.
• The next step is usually the male will isolate the victim from her family and friends. If they should live together or get married then the abuser feels he has all rights to her and wants to either move to another town or country, or, to a remote place. The woman is in love and doesn't see the signs of what he is doing until it's too late.
• Verbal abuse is when he will make it clear to her that there are rules in HIS home and that the house should be clean, his meals ready when HE decides to enter into the home, etc. He will start by telling her perhaps she is a lousy cook, mother, isn't attractive. Most of the time these are lies, but it's the abusers way of gaining control over her and keep her second-guessing about herself. By doing this he takes all control from her and she loses any confidence she may have had in herself. Then depression sets into the victim and a feeling of loss, anger, shame and revulsion at herself for putting up with it, but not knowing what to do. If there are children involved he may even threaten to take the children from her. In some cases the abuser with threaten to kill the victim or the victim and the children or even harm her family. It's a control tactic, but in some sad cases the abuser keeps his word and follows through (sometimes taking his own life), but sadly, most of the time doesn't.
• Physical abuse can enter into the picture and he may start by slapping the victim, punching, shoving, pushing or beating the living tar out of her so she's hospitalized. Victims SELDOM will tell the doctor or nurse or even the police at the hospital that she has been beaten by her mate. She is in fear!
• Why should the victim feel fear? Because the laws in the U.S. and Canada (although slowly changing) haven't changed enough to protect the rights of women who are in an abusive relationship and many judges will side with the abuser (this is slowly changing in the favor of the victim) and if the victim forms a complaint against her abuser he's usually only held over-night in jail to cool off. He will be as sweet as pie to the police, but come home and beat the hell out of his victim! The law simply doesn't protect the victim well enough.
• The victim either is in fear for her life, has no confidence left in her or has children and doesn't know where to turn too for help. She's usually embarrassed or fearful of even telling a friend the trouble she's in and often family and friends feels it's as simple as leaving the abuser. Wrong! The abuser can stalk their victim, steal the children from school, threaten by phone or email or catch the victim off guard and unfortunately take her life in some cases.

Mental and physical abuse strike all cultures and the rich, middle class and poor. It can also happen to men! Oh yes, many men are verbally or physically abused by men, but, because they have been taught not to hit women they usually stay silent for fear their family or friends feel they are weak. This is changing too and there are places for abused men to seek help.

There is hope for women who are abused. It's called "Abused Women's Centers" or "Mental Health." Abused Centers have counselors that will put the victim and her children into a Transition House for total protection. Another counselor will represent the victim in a court of law. NO ONE knows where the victim and her children are once in the custody of the Transition House. She will be expected to take the programs there, do some chores, and, eventually is given counseling for herself and her children. The Abused Women's Centers also helps set the person up to stand on their own two feet by helping them find a place to live and find a job. I know, I volunteer for an Abused Women's Center.

If you would like to know more please feel free to ask me on my Private Message Board.