What are the pros and cons of giving up your Down syndrome baby for adoption?

Answer 1

The Ups 'n Downs of Giving Up Your Down Syndrome Baby

WikiAnswers contributors share their thoughts on this sensitive topic:

• Although the pain, suffering, and regret of giving up a child are DEFINITELY cons, if the baby has not yet been born, then you don't know if the baby really had Down syndrome. Many people I've been in contact with were supposed to be "mentally challenged," but turned out to be just as mentally sharp as the rest of us.
• Being the religion I am, I honestly think this is very wrong to even think about giving up your child, just because of his/her mental disability. If you are struggling financially, this may be a smart idea, because you would want your child to live a happy life. So, that would be a pro, but a con, like mentioned above, is the regret you'd feel just because you gave your baby up. No matter what the condition, I believe it to be very, very wrong for you to give a child away because of a struggle you may face ahead. These "different people" are not aliens. They are normal people with a soul and heart. If you help and support, they can lead a very fulfilling and normal life. Please take this to heart and think VERY carefully, because once you give the child up, you won't get him/her back.
• - Losing the love of your child, who would love and adore you more honestly and openly than any "normal" child.

  - Not learning to accept a person, no matter their faults.

  - Not learning the true meaning of parenting; doing the best you can for each of your children so they can reach their full potential.

  - Forever regretting your decision.

• In the real world, keeping a Down's syndrome child would be a heavy burden unless you have a lot of money like Sarah Palin. If you are in the US, the social services system has been so limited by political ideologues that you can't expect much help from the government. Do you have a close family that can help with this child? Would you be able to work if you had to? Are you a single mom? All of these things have to be considered in the real world. The religious are more worried about a fetus than caring and spending money on underprivileged children that are already living amongst us, so take their advice with a grain of salt. (As evidenced by their strong support of Republican political views)

Answer 2

Down the Line
"Just when you think you have learned what you need to know in life, someone truly special comes into it and shows you just how much more there is."

- From the website Downsyn.com, which describes itself as "a resource for those who love someone with Down syndrome" (see Related link below)

I feel your question may actually be a plea for help in convincing yourself that keeping your baby is the right thing to do - but only you can make that decision. And it depends on your personal circumstances, as well. But I can tell you a few things about Down syndrome children that may help you in making your decision.

This question and answer is so important - for the asker, as well as for other people who may be going through the same thing: wondering whether or not they feel they are up to the challenges of raising a baby with Down syndrome. And I know their decision will have a major impact on them for the rest of their lives. But, more importantly, it will impact that innocent child's life forever. And that is the most important thing to consider - what is best for the child.

The only pro to giving up this baby is you will have no parental expenses or responsibilities (just as any parent has with any child), but there are so many cons to giving up your Down syndrome baby. Yes, there are a lot of responsibilities in raising a child - and even more so with a Down syndrome child - but the pros to keeping your child far, far outnumber the cons.

Children born with Down syndrome do have problems, but we all have faults and problems; the biggest difference is that many of us choose to have most of our faults, while those with Down syndrome don't. By this I mean that the faults of many people are greed, meanness, lying, etc., while those with Down syndrome didn't choose to be born with it. And yet, they are far more decent, sweet, honest, and kind than the average person is.

There is a huge misconception among the general population that children born with Down syndrome are retarded, are stupid, and lack the same kinds of feelings and emotions that other people have. Nothing, however, could be further from the truth. Sure, they may be slower to learn, but many of them are capable of actually living productive and independent lives as they grow older.

And many people with Down syndrome even get married - yes, married! I'm including a link to a video clip of the official trailer to a movie called "Monica and David" - a prize-winning documentary on Down syndrome that was screened at the 2010 Tribeca Film Festival in New York City - which takes a look at two young Down syndrome adults, recently married, and their life together as a couple.

Depending on the level of severity of the syndrome, there are some people with Down syndrome who are not as highly functioning as others, but there are many who can certainly function rather well on their own. For example, I know a 43-year-old Down syndrome woman whose parents have been able to leave her home alone for several days at a time - with no problems. She is a very highly functioning person, with very few limitations. She loves all sorts of Arts and Crafts, and enjoys certain TV programs, as well as caring for her pets, and is a pure joy to her parents, who have five other children. And there are many, many Down syndrome people who are just as highly functioning as she is.

While most Down syndrome children and adults are limited only by their environment and what they are taught as they grow (just as average children are), they can have their challenges, but can't we all? They do prefer structure and stability, and don't like to have their routine interrupted, but they can definitely still cope if it is.

Down syndrome children often grow up to hold steady, paying jobs, and some have even become actors (I have seen numerous movies and even a TV series where one or more of the main actors have Down syndrome). For those who have a job, their employers say they work harder - and give more to their work - than many of the typical employees do. They take their responsibilities seriously, take pride in their work, and are eager to please.

If you give up your Down syndrome baby, you will very likely always ask yourself "What if...?" - as in "What if I had kept my baby?" - as well as wondering how your child is doing. Did he go to a good home? Does he have a good life? Is he happy and well cared for? Is he loved? Is he more "normal" than you thought he would ever be? Those are only some of the questions you will probably ask yourself now - and will possibly ask for the rest of your life.

I don't know of a single parent with a Down syndrome child who has ever regretted keeping their baby. Down syndrome children are generally much happier, more gentle-natured, and more easygoing children than those who are not born with this condition. They also grow up to be much more giving, loving, honest and affectionate people than many others. Sure, there is always an occasional exception, but that's no different from having a child who doesn't have Down syndrome. I've seen plenty of "normal" children who were such obnoxious, dishonest, and destructive kids that I couldn't stand to be around them, but I have never seen a Down syndrome child behave that way.

Each Down syndrome child is a different individual, just as those who don't have Down syndrome. Many abilities, likes, dislikes, personality traits, etc., are environmentally influenced and learned behaviors, just as they are with all children. Those with Down syndrome are people too, with feelings, emotions, etc., as well as intelligence that sometimes far surpasses that of many ordinary people I know; in fact, they often even have an insight into things and people that others don't. Maybe it's because they see, hear and take things literally, for what they really are, instead of forming unfair, biased, and preconceived notions as the rest of us tend to do.

If you give your child the love, care, education and attention he or she needs - as you would do with any other children - then the rewards for you will be far beyond your wildest expectations. There is no greater love than that of a parent for a child and vice versa. None. And the love between a parent and a Down-syndrome child is no different; it is an unconditional love.

So if you feel you can love your baby unconditionally, give the love and attention he or she needs, and be a responsible parent, then why give up your baby? Who can love your child better, or more, than you can?

I strongly suggest you learn as much about Down syndrome as possible, so I am including some links you might find very helpful. This is, by far, too important an issue to not first educate yourself about this condition before making your decision. It is one that will not only affect your life, but - more importantly - the life of a beautiful, innocent child.

However, if you truly feel you cannot give your child the love, care and attention he or she needs and deserves, then maybe you should consider giving the baby up for adoption. This child, just as all children (whether they have Down syndrome or not) deserves a loving, caring, normal environment. The child deserves parents who can - and will - provide unconditional love. Those born with Down syndrome have so much to offer, if only people would give them a fair chance - and a voice. And who better to give them a voice than their own parents?

There are various websites mentioned below in the Related Links section:

• A site catering specifically to parents of children with Down syndrome;
  
  
• An AOL search page that contains links to various other informative sites on Down syndrome;
  
  
• A website where you can watch the trailer of the movie "Monica and David," as well as read about other matters related to the couple (both of whom have Down syndrome).

Boy MC

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