If you are talking about the golden stuff on the brim of the hat and even the ships ball cap , the only term I have ever heard to describe it is scrambled eggs.
As long as they're not within the same Chain of Command (e.g., one is the other's Commanding Officer or senior officer in the chain above), then yes - it's actually quite common for officers to marry...
See if they have a Facebook page, Myspace page, or Twitter page where they might have some information posted. The DoD does not make information about service members in active service available to...