What are the signs of child abuse and how can you help the abused child to overcome the harm it has caused?

Answer 1

Since the obvious treatment for injuries from physical abuse is medical treatment, I assume you mean psychological treatment. This can depend on the child's age, who the abuser was, how long the abuse lasted, whether the abuse was sexual, physical, emotional, as well as other forms of abuse.

Treatment and the healing process:
First of all, the child needs to know the abuse is not their fault. Children have a tendency to blame themselves for the abuse, thinking if they had been more . . . or less . . . then they wouldn't have been abused. So reassurance that the abuse was NOT their fault is crucial to their emotional healing.

They also need a lot of love, patience, understanding and reassurance that they are now safe, as well as someone who will really listen when they do finally open up and talk about it. But getting them to talk about it may take a while, so be patient. They will talk about it when they can - when they feel emotionally ready to do so. Don't rush it, or that may make them even more withdrawn and reluctant to talk about it. It may take time to earn their trust, so don't take it personally.

Abused children have been through things that most adults can't even comprehend, much less imagine a child having to endure. The child's caregiver, therefore, needs to learn how to talk to the child, as well as respecting certain boundaries.

For example, if the child has been sexually abused, give them their privacy, such as during their bath, or when they are changing clothes. If they were physically abused, don't ever spank them; use other methods of discipline when necessary. If they were emotionally abused, talk to them with respect, love and tenderness, but also with sincerity. Children are really quite perceptive, and can often tell when an adult is not being sincere in what they say.

Don't allow other children to ever bully or tease the child - this could cause even further damage to the child's fragile state of mind. For example, it's quite common for an abused child to be sent to a foster home, where there are other foster children. Some of those children may have been abused, too, and may act out their anger and frustration by being aggressive towards other children.

Anger is a common emotion in abused children, but the child does need to learn constructive ways to deal with the anger. A child that has been repeatedly beaten by a parent may feel that physical abuse is a normal way to deal with anger, and act on that by treating other children the same way.

Children who have been emotionally abused (being told they are stupid, ugly, etc.) will need a lot of positive feedback on even the smallest achievements to help rebuild their self-esteem. A child who has been told repeatedly that they are stupid, ugly, etc., does end up believing what they've been told, and it will take a lot of time, reassurance and lots of praise before they realize they aren't any of the awful names they were called.

Signs of abuse and the different forms of abuse:
Emotional baggage can stay with a child for a lifetime if they are not given the proper treatment and environment (love, security, protection, etc.) after being abused. Emotional baggage can turn into a really heavy burden for the rest of their life if they are not helped to "lighten the load" as early on as possible. There are signs you can watch for that will let you know what the child may be feeling, or what the child may have endured. There are counselors who specialize in abused children, as well as in certain childhood behaviors, such as:

• If the child is cruel to animals or other children, he or she may be acting out their anger and frustration over not being able to fight back to their abuser. If you notice any physical aggression, address it immediately by seeking professional help for the child.
  
  
• Drawing is often therapeutic for an abused child, and what they draw can tell a lot about the type of abuse they suffered, and how it should be treated. For example, if they draw things of a sexual nature, then that is a probable sign the child was sexually abused.
  
  
• If the child draws pictures of violence, such as knives, blood, etc., that may be a sign that the child was threatened with knives, or even witnessed their abuser kill a pet.
  
  
• If the child writes things such as angry stories, that is a good indication that they still have a lot of anger that they have not dealt with yet, and will need help in dealing with the anger.
  
  
• If the child eats far more than is normal, or if he or she tends to hoard food, then that may indicate the child wasn't fed enough, sometimes even forced to go for days with no food.
  
  
• If the child won't eat, that may be an indication that he or she was constantly told they were fat, and feels that eating will only make them fatter, even if they are underweight.
  
  
• If the child tends to hoard items, that could be a sign of insecurity. Often, for children who had nothing, or who had their belongings destroyed or thrown away by their abuser, this may be their way of wanting to hold on to something of "their own."
  
  
• If a child displays unusual fears, this could mean the child was deliberately threatened or scared by their abuser. For example, if the child has an abnormal fear of the dark, their abuser may have done things to them to make them afraid of the dark, or the abuse may have taken place in the dark, such as sexual abuse at night when the rest of the family was asleep.
  
  
• If the child is abnormally afraid of being alone in a room, they may have been left home alone or even locked in a closet for long periods at a time.
  
  
• If the child is afraid of taking a bath, it's possible their abuser may have actually held their head under water, making them believe he was going to drown them.
  
  
• If the child has a morbid fear of fire, even from a cigarette lighter, their abuser may have burned them, or constantly threatened to do so. They may have even witnessed their abuser burn something or someone else.
  
  
• If the child has an abnormal fascination with fire, this is something that needs to be addressed by a professional immediately. Otherwise, the child could grow up to be a pyromaniac (arsonist).

• There are as many treatments and ways to help an abused child as there are forms of abuse. But the key here is to first find out what kind of abuse the child suffered, and to have them treated by someone who specializes in child abuse. All of the above examples are serious issues, although some can be more serious than others - especially if not treated properly, or early enough.

• If you are a foster parent, you need to learn the signs of different forms of abuse to help you better understand the child who was abused, and to help you help the child. Your foster child's social worker can help you with this by giving you material to read, and websites to research. It is so important to do all you can to understand what the child went through at the hands of their abuser in order to understand the child's behavior. What may seem odd or bizarre to you probably seems normal to the child. In addition, this behavior may be all the child knows, and doesn't realize it's not acceptable.

• Never scold or punish a child for (most of) these behaviors, or make fun of them. And don't allow other children to make fun of them, either: This will only cause even further damage and more mistrust. When you see an abused child acting in strange ways (such as hoarding food), simply reassure them that they will never go hungry in your home. You may have to reassure them quite a few times, but with the right love and care, they will come to realize they can trust you, and what you say - if you keep your word to them.

• Also, don't ever berate or criticize the child's abuser to them, especially if their abuser was a parent. Abused children tend to have mixed emotions about an abusive parent: They are afraid of them, yet they still desperately want to feel that parent loves them, and feel a sense of loyalty to the abusive parent. To put the abused child's parent down to them will sometimes put the child in the position of feeling they have to defend that parent. This will confuse the child, and delay their healing even more.

Little things mean a lot

Sometimes even the smallest things can make a huge difference for the child. For example, giving the child a wallet, purse, box, etc., to put their personal belongings in, and letting them know that it is theirs, and that no one will take it from them, can go a long way towards building their sense of having something of their own. This is one of the first steps towards building their sense of security.

Always show the child the same respect you expect them to show you. Knock on their bedroom door and wait for them to respond before entering, and never just barge in on them when they are in the bathroom. This will let them know you respect their "space" and privacy. It will also help teach them to do the same towards others.

Speak to them in a calm, reassuring and respectful tone. Yes, you are the authority figure in their life, but you can (and should) still speak to them with respect, and maintain your authority at the same time. Actually, the more respect you show someone (yes, even a child), the more they will tend to respect you. Children learn by what they are taught, and there is no better teacher than a good example.

Praise the child for accomplishments, even the small ones. What may seem small to you could actually be something really important to the child. For example, if the child draws a picture of the sky with yellow or green clouds, compliment them on their creativity, rather than telling them clouds aren't really yellow or green. Not only will this be good for their self-esteem, but it will also teach them to use their imagination.

If the child displays a fear of the dark, never make them feel embarrassed or tell them it's silly, or that "there's nothing to be afraid of." Simply reassure them calmly, and then get them a night light. They will soon learn there is nothing to be afraid of, but they have to learn it. You can't just tell them that and expect them to know or believe it.

Phone numbers for abused children:

• National Child Abuse Hot Line 800-422-4453 TDD 800-222-4453
  
  
• ChildHelp USA National Crisis Hot Line 800-292-9688
  
  
• National Domestic Violence Hot Line 800-799-7233 TDD 800-394-2255
  
  
• Girls and Boys Town National Hot Line 800-448-3000

UK
National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC)
Freephone 0800 800 5000

Irish Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (ISPCC) 00 353 742 9744

Australia
Kids Help Line: 1800 55 1800
http://www.aifs.gov.au/nch/resources/crisis.html

South Africa
Crime Stop at 0800 11 12 13 or 08600 10111

Canada
Kids' Help Phone: 1 800 668 6868

If you know of a child who is being abused (or if you strongly suspect abuse), or if you are a child who is being abused, you can call any of the above numbers to report the abuse, or to get help. You do not have to give your name if you don't want to. In cases of physical abuse, look out for obvious things like bruises and also for a withdrawn, fearful or excessively watchful attitude. Any suspected cases of abuse must be reported to the appropriate authorities.