What do you do to help a mother in her late 40's and her child deal with a 51-year-old father who is verbally abusive if he doesn't know that he is?

Answer 1

Abuse is a deal breaker in a relationship. Especially if there are children. Physical abuse often follows verbal abuse, and in any case, it can cause stress- related health issues over time. In addition, children often will carry the "flu" into their own lives and relationships. If she is seeking ideas for help, then take her to the local intake for rescuing abuse victims and they will provide counseling and some housing help, which she will need if she is serious about taking action. I left with kids and the local agency was very good to me. I needed a team of wise people to lead me out of the situation, since I was not feeling very strong. It is scary, but eventually, you end up in a much better life. IF the father chooses to address the question, either with counseling/behavior modification or with health issues (whichever), he could possibly get his family back. But, change is unlikely if he stays in the household. Abusers know they are that way, its just another way for them to put blame on the victims by not acknowledging it. The help for mother and child is therapy to get them to realize nothing they did made the abuser the way his is. The abuser needs help to, to get him to realize there is a better way for everyone to deal with lifes ups and downs. The mother and child need to be around healthy relationships to show them that theirs is not the norm. The abuser needs to have his targets removed so he can view himself in his pitiful state, alone. If your friend's husband was always like this then he was a true abuser. If he has been like this in the last year or two he could be suffering from a disease or the possibility of onset of Dementia. It's hardly likely his wife would ever be able to get him to a doctor for a good physical. The help has to come from this friend of yours. She has control to either stay with her abusive husband or leave. You can't force her to make this decision so I suggest you just be her friend. It is wise to stay out of it. My husband and I have friends (1 couple) and her husband is verbally abusive, but after some observation I realized it was a game between them and I bluntly told my girlfriend just that. She looked sheepish and said, "Yup, we play games!" I stay right out of it and I suggest you do too. Marcy