What do you do when you don't trust your husband's children?

Put the control where it belongs ... your husband! It isn't uncommon for children to resent a second mother, and children can be brutally honest and sometimes cruel. Remember, the children are going through a rough time too and most children blame themselves for the divorce of their parents. You also have to sit down with your husband and communicate the fact that it's his responsibility to set his children straight and that when it comes to discipline both of you are on the same page (he backs you up!).

It may be in your best interests (worth a try) to gather the children together and tell them that their mother is their mother and you are not, but you demand respect as a friend, at least. They may give you a rough time, but trust me when I say, If they are old enough it sure gives them food for thought.

If your husband is unwilling to work with you on this and his children are out of control, then he is using you as a babysitter and not giving you the respect you so deserve. There will be a crossroads you'll have to come to ... see a marriage counselor or you're outa there! You deserve better!

I had a girlfriend who got married for the first time at the age of 40 to a very nice man, but unfortunately he had an out-of-control 15-year-old daughter who was destructive, manipulating with foul language, and miserable to her. She tried to get her husband involved and she got, "Don't mess with my kid!" He spoiled the daughter rotten and treated my girlfriend like a live-in maid service. She divorced him two years later.

Another friend of mine married an old friend of hers who was divorced. The custody-of-children situation was that he got the children on all weekends and holidays. My girlfriend asked my husband and I over for dinner and we couldn't believe how sassy and rude the two boys were, and their father sat there grinning and gobbling down his dinner! Eventually my friend went into the kitchen with tears streaming down her face and I followed her and she said the boys were causing a living hell for her. I told her to talk to her husband and demand marriage counseling or she was going to pack her bags and leave. Six months later she phoned me and said she did what I had asked and they did seek marriage counseling (children were also involved to a degree) and all was going well. Once the children realized that my friend was not trying to be their mother, and that Mommy and Daddy were never going to be living together again, things worked out very well. I do hope you are just as lucky.

First answer by Marcy. Last edit by Marcy. Contributor trust: 3686 [recommend contributor]. Question popularity: 7 [recommend question]