What do you do when your girlfriend's ex-boyfriend still wants to be friends with her but you are afraid it could develop into more?

Answer 1

As much as it hurts, and I know I am too nice to do this, but the "a-hole" who gets the girl will put the smack down and say, "him or me, him or me." Maybe I'll have the guts to do this soon, but I will probably wait until I am sure I want to dump her, so I have nothing to lose. Women say they want to be independent but they end up loving the guy who ignores them, or controls them. Seem crazy since we have been programmed by feminism, but feminism doesn't represent the real world.

Let her be friends with him. For example, don't let the jealously take over your emotions when you're together at the store and he says hello. Let her say hello back if she wants. Let her decide. Because if you tell her what to do, and she doesn't like it she'll find a way to be his friend behind your back if that's what she wants to do. They can be acquaintances without going out to lunch and having "manicures" together. If she loves you and you love her, trust her to make the right decision.

You should tell her how you feel, but let her decide what she wants to do. You can't worry about her getting back with her ex because it will just make you miserable and probably end your relationship. Plus, they broke up for a reason, and she is with you now.

.Your commitment to her and hers to you should be more important than an old relationship. If it is a casual one, there's no problem. But if they do lunch, talk on the phone, or hang out, then I think she should make how you feel a priority. Communication is the key.

You should ask her ex-boyfriend what his intentions are, but chances are he won't give you a straight answer. Relationships are built on trust, love and respect, so you must trust your girlfriend to make the right decision. You must love her, otherwise the relationship is pointless, and you must respect any decision she makes.

It depends on how serious their relationship was. The more serious, the more caution you should use. If she's delighted that he still wants to be friends, get out before you get hurt. Just use some common sense (brain, not heart) and you'll be fine.

This is a hard question to answer. But since I've been in a similar situation, I can give a biased opinion. If you have a 'feeling' of insecurity or a twitch when she announces that her ex and her are getting together 'as friends,' then I would highly recommend that you 'sleep with one eye open'. Sometimes listening to your heart can get you hurt and can cause serious damage to you. The best thing to do is test it out. If you can't trust her, then its time to leave and find other greener pastures. If you don't know, then its also time to leave and find better pastures. If you can trust her, I highly recommend that you still be wary. A number one rule that I have learnt is to NEVER NEVER NEVER give 100% trust to someone. Always leave a door open in your heart, so you can escape if you have to. You have every right to be jealous and uncomfortable. Don't let your girl say, "we're just friends" when she cancelled an afternoon break with you just to have a big lunch with her ex. YOU ARE THE PRIORITY when it comes to the ex. If she stuffs that up, then look away and keep walking. If you confront her and she accepts your honesty and says to you that she will not see him. Make sure this is the case! If she still is in contact with the guy after a few weeks (at most a month), then she's lying to you. I can't stress this enough because I've been burnt once on this and wouldn't like to see other guys in my shoes.

Ciao and good luck bros.

The best policy is be up front with your girlfriend and ask her about the ex and her friendship. Why is it important for her and him to be friends on whatever level they are on. Does her ex have a girlfriend? If not maybe he need to get one so he won't be spending time with yours. Don't wait around to get gut punched. I don't think that she should be spending time with this ex. Her time should be spend with you. I know because in the past, my ex wanted to spend time with me going out to dance, going out to eat and you know what's next. Especially if the couple already had sex before. So get it out in the open, and talk about it before it's to late.

If that's the kind of thoughtless and game playing person your girlfriend is, move on. It's about respect or lack of respect for the relationship you both are in together.

You also cannot control love or force someone to want to be with you. If those two still have something, best to find out sooner than later. Set her free. If she doesn't want it but wants to be friends with him, tell her that's fine, but it won't work for you but you hope she eventually does find happiness. Maybe the time away from you---and you better hold your ground on this, but maybe the time away from you will let her know just how much you mean to her. If not, she wasn't yours to begin with. Not really.

I'm the jealous type that say no. I would tell her he's her past, and I'm her future.

Well guys, I'm in that situation right now. As far as I see it, she says there is nothing in between her and him. Even though when she gets home, she chats with him on the net and plays World of War Craft and stuff. On the weekends, she barley even speaks to me, and she just talk to him. occasionally, she'll come by and ask if I'm okay I say "sure, I'm fine," and then it goes right back to where it started. I was hurt more times then once, and it does not feel good, not good at all. I hate the fact that she would rather go with him then with me. Sure, she sees me everyday at school, but she's usually talking with her friends. AND GET THIS!! When shes at MY HOUSE, he calls her to see what she's doing and what her plans are and if he can SEE HER!!! Its so messed up I hate him. Even though she says that they are only "Good Friends," I just can't help feeling a little jealous and hurt. Am I wrong??????

-Mike

Its strange that I ran across this. I've been thinking about this all day. My girlfriend, as I am writing this, is on a vacation in Wisconsin with her ex and her friend's family. I haven't been able to sleep because all I do is think about what they may be doing. The whole reason I am worried is that she has told me that they have slept together even after they were broken up. This was before my time (I hope), and she says that she trusts herself with him now. She said she wouldn't be going on the trip if she didn't. I have this constant nagging at the back of my mind that is telling me I should keep my guard up. I have called her numerous times, and she has not replied. I am very scared as of right now, but I guess all I can do is trust her. Hopefully, this will be a strengthening point in the relationship. I say just try to get her to give you a straight answer as to what she thinks may happen with her ex. Try not to worry about it, but just be wary. Nothing good can come from them hanging out together, this I am sure of. Also alcohol helps out a lot if you are of age, and do it responsibly. Don't get addicted, but if you feel like you just cant handle it just have a few drinks and watch a good movie that doesn't remind you of her and him. I can't say it will work for sure because sometimes it just doesn't work for me. At least you know you are not alone in this. Good luck!

My girlfriend told me upfront I was not allowed to be jealous. I put all my trust in her as I had known her for several years and thought she was trustworthy. She has three ex boyfriends calling her and stopping by when I'm not around. She tells me about her visits and phone messages. I ask her if she told them about her new relationship. She says no. It was not a topic of their conversation. Well, I went to work the other day and got rained out first thing. When I returned to the house, there was a stranger sitting in the driveway. I asked where my girlfriend was. He said she was in the house with her ex. I let her know I was there, and then left. She later told me he was there just to borrow the phone. Yea right. I don't believe that. If so, why was the other guy sitting in the driveway? I let her know how I felt. She got really mad that I didn't trust her. We haven't spoke since It hurts, but I know I deserve better. -Freebird

This is a touchy subject and depends on the person. I have known a couple girls who had an ex that they stayed good friends with because they got along good but just didn't have what it takes for a good relationship. I have seen girls (including my ex) who would hide stuff and did not use their heads. If it is strictly an acquaintance thing, and when you talk about each other's day, she tells you if she talked to that guy. If you trust her, then you have no problem, but if it really bugs you and she keeps doing it and not telling you just leave. I know that is much easier said than done, but after you get over the break-up, you will be happier and will eventually find someone who is much better for you.

Now that I look back at my last relationship, I feel somewhat stupid for letting her get away with as much hiding and deceit as I did (I'm too nice and was too insecure to do anything about it).

I've been through this before, and my advice is that you should not put up with it at all. It causes all sorts of situations where she ends up choosing the ex over you or hanging out with the ex instead of you, and that's just plain selfish. If the tables were turned, I guarantee you it would not be okay. Let her know that you are not okay with it, and that she needs to decide whether the ex is more important than your relationship, because the two cannot co-exist. Just my 2 cents.

Man, I so happy to read this page. My girl just asked me if she can be friends with her ex. I know she "used to be" in love with him. He is now married but still says he had the most fun with her. She says she's over him but now wants to be friends with him. I don't want to be controlling, but I also don't want her feelings for him to grow. Its like if I say, "No don't be friends with him," she might regret it and who knows. I was thinking that talking on the phone is OK. I guess. But definitely no going out meeting each other anywhere. What do you guys think?

My current girlfriend has an ex that she wanted me to get used to her having as a friend. When we got together, I think they were at the end of what she called an open relationship. Months went by and I had very little issues with this guy. Just recently, she went on a trip to help her brother move, and it so happened to be the same town the ex lived in. To this day, I question her decision to stay at the exes house rather than her brother's hotel. Afterwards, I found out that they got 'together,' and she also confessed to being with him another time (while we were together). We are trying to work stuff out now, but she swears that it's over THIS TIME. But the mere mention of his name drives me insane. I am trying to get by this, and the only reason I didn't just dump her is because I had a 'security net' of my own. Are we just fooling ourselves? Will it ever work as long as she is friends with the ex who she has admittedly cheated on me twice with?

I would not go there, the ex is in the past. Once I split with someone that's it, after all you split with them for a reason. If you still had feelings for them then why did you split? There should have been a reconciliation at least or some sort of attempt to overview what was being thrown away. I say an Ex is in the past and should always stay in the past. Temptation is great, and when you are "friends" with an ex, old feelings will be re-ignited and before you know it your girlfriend or boyfriend will be getting more and more intimate with their ex. Humans are suckers to temptation and your boyfriend or girlfriend will just not be able to say no if the pair end up together in an "uncompromising" scenario. You really honestly want to let it go if this happens, in the long run you will be so much happier (short term pain may be involved but hey that's life, you live and you learn; no one is right first time hey!)

Good luck peeps!!!!!

I find some of the commentary chauvinistic and narrow minded. I wonder when loved ones became property since last time I checked, the Victorian era was over. If you have to result to dictating confines and restricting to someone you say you love, you obviously do not know what love is. Loving someone entails freedom. If you are meant to be you will be, if not you will fall. If you do not trust your boyfriend or girlfriend has your best interest at heart from the beginning there is no pronouncement of your dismay, discomfort or displaced insecurity about contact with an ex that will resolve that for you. I say let them talk and do whatever they want to do. I believe in personal responsibility, if anything ensues from their contact whatever it may be there are consequences. If they sleep together it is cheating plain and simply and I do not want to be involved with someone who will cheat on me. I say get to know them, by so doing you stand a better chance at understanding unveiling or demystifying whatever connection exist. Bottom line, you have to determine why you have a problem with it and resolve it for yourself instead of projecting. I have allowed my girlfriend to communicate with her ex and have no qualms about it. Love is about going on an adventure with someone who wants to journey with you voluntarily, when you set limits and perimeters on them for whatever reason voluntary becomes confinement the antithesis of love.

If she can't get rid of him, and you can't take the fact that she still sees him, get rid of her. After all, there is no reason for this, and it sounds like she needs to mature more and start caring about her "real" boyfriend's needs.

A boy who is and always was a friend is one thing, but hanging out with her ex is uncalled for.

Don't be made a fool with this. It is very rare that two people can be just friends after being in a serious relationship. They could be "friendly" (like not kill each other) and maybe talk on the phone once in a while. But if they are hanging out together or If they were going to meet each other out, RUN, do not walk, AWAY!

Think about it. Time heals all wounds. Over time, the two will get over what drove them apart. Then the feelings they had for each other will start to come back. Before you know it, they'll be in a situation where one or the other says they want to get back. Depending on how serious their relationship was, you could be nurturing her and occupying her time while she heals the relationship with her old boyfriend.

Also, watch for if a girl hangs out with a bunch of people including guys, chances are one or more guys like the girl, and it just hasn't come out yet. I've never known a bunch of friends that hung together where this wasn't true.

4 out of 5 marriages end in divorce where one winds up cheating on the other. Kids are growing up seeing this. Plus, guys and girls watch soaps and shows where everyone is cheating on everyone else. Sad to say, girls want, and really think, that they deserve EVERYTHING! So if they're with one boyfriend and they want to be with another, they'll do it. Guys are dogs, and they're not going to turn the girl down just because she's seeing someone.

Take it from years of experience. Never completely trust any woman. If you suspect something, chances are good that you're right!

Hi. I'm in this situation now except I am the female, and my boyfriend is still GOOD friends with his ex. They dated 4 years. We all went to high school together, so I know how in love they were. Well, he says she cheated, and they tried to work past it but they just couldn't. When me and him first started dating, they talked EVERYDAY! I have always told him that I wouldn't tell him they couldn't talk. Because no matter what I said, he was going to talk to her. If he wanted to, he would find a way, and I would rather know about it than for him to hid it from me. Well, after a while, when me and him became more serious, and he moved in with me, I just voiced my opinion that he knew I just got out of a marriage where I was cheated on. I told him that I just wished they wouldn't talk SO much, and he said OK and he understood and he was sorry. Well then, she got a boyfriend, so they hardly talked at all. Then, her and her boyfriend broke up, and she called my boyfriend crying about it. Since then I have caught him two times hiding it from me that they have talked. He doesn't lie about it when I ask him. He will tell me they talked, but he will delete it out of his cell phone, and he won't tell me. I have to ask. I also have a 2 year old son with my ex husband who loves my boyfriend to death, so that makes my situation even harder. I don't want to take something else away from my son. My boyfriend and his ex don't hang out, they only talk on the phone. Should I be so worried or just stop worrying and whatever happens just happens? My email is camps1421 Please respond, thanks!

Alright Boys (and the unfortunate Ladies),

I've read what you've typed, I've heard what you have to say, and I am disappointed by the uncertainty. Do I have a right to be jealous? Should I let it go? Should I let her see her EX? Let me dispel some uncertainty before we get down to work dealing with "Friendly-Ex Syndrome".

Do I have a right to be jealous?

YES!!!

Should I let it go?

Maybe, that's for you to decide, I'll see what I can do to help.

Should I let her hang out with her EX?

This one is my favorite. First of all if you're asking yourself this, you should probably realize that you're an idiot, and you can't tell her who she can and can't hang out with.

I thought a joke would be appropriate to lighten the mood, but since you're already confused, and depressed maybe calling you an idiot was a bad idea. Regardless what is written is written, let's move on.

What you should be asking yourself is: Should I be alright with the situation? Should I feel like a bad person for being jealous? Can our relationship handle this? Unfortunately, there is not a clear cut answer to this question. There are many ways to look at it, and it's debatable by both sides. The reason that it is so debatable, is because there is no right or wrong. There isn't a rule book written in black and white. Love is colorful, and life's hard. You're saying to yourself, is he going anywhere with this, is there a point?

Maybe, read on, and find out. Because there is not a rule book for relationships, - though depending on where this goes, I may include one - we as humans are forced to use our common sense to make decisions. Unfortunately many people are lacking common sense, and others are just stupid. So it brings us to the first answer that I will give, the first bit of wisdom that I will dispense.

Let's lay groundwork. There may not be a rule book, but everyone should know that you distance yourself from you're ex. That's why it's called an EX, what does X mean to you; stop, done, dangerous, avoid, the list goes on, but in the end it comes down to this:

"To be civil with your EX is respectable. To be close to your EX is ridiculous."

Yes I made that up myself. Surprised, why? Is it not obvious that I am wise? The point is whether you are in a relationship, used to be, or want to be, get a pad, and write this one down.

Chores For the Day.

1.Distance self from EX.

2.Wonder why this wasn't obvious to me.

Why am I giving you these obvious chores? So you can pass them on to your boyfriend or girlfriend. You need to understand that this is not your fault, they brought this on the relationship. You're not jealous, you're in love and would like to be sure they feel the same way. I don't know about you guys, but with my lady, I put her first and foremost; front and center; number ONE in my life, and when she decides she would rather hang out with an EX over me, it becomes crystal clear that she does not feel the same way. If you think you're being possesive and that you don't own Him/HER, think again and re-word. Sure you don't own them, but you should own their affections and their heart, everytime they say "I love YOU" they should be reaffirming this fact.

So how much can they love you if they run around with an EX?

I think if they understood how it feels, this wouldn't be such an issue, such a "hot topic". Let me explain it just in case someone with a "Friendly EX" is reading. Loving someone who chooses others over you is like having your chest stepped on by a three hundred pound man, all of a sudden it's hard to breath. Just when you think it can't get any worse, something special you had planned for your loved one is brushed aside - maybe even a secret phone call from an ex - The EX takes priority and tubby invites his buddy jumbo to riverdance on your stomach. In all seriousness, it runs through your mind at a million miles a minute and you feel like breaking down. Why do I love them? They do this to me and I still love them? Your stomach knots you don't want to be around people, because you know that your just waiting to break down, and the loved one comes around and asks what the problem is, and just the fact that they're so oblivious cut's like a knife... but you love them, don't want to lose them and can't unleash this beast on them, why? Because the love in the relationship has to come from somewhere. "Nothing", "Just don't feel good", "it hurts a little". No matter how much it hurts you bare up under it and put on a game face, "can't lose them, they're worth it!" Recognize these, hear them from a BF/GF? Maybe it's time to think about whether the time with your EX is worth what you're putting you're GF/BF through.

Back to you, the sufferer. I think it paramount in deciding "are they worth it" to understand the depth and motive of the friendship.

Depth - How close is the EX? Do they come first? Scenario: watching tv with your boyfriend or gilfriend, the EX calls, you're bofriend or girlfriend:

A) Runs for the phone. "Hello, oh my god!, one sec I'll close the door, don't worry about my boyfriend/girlfriend, he/she can wait."

C) I'll call later, I'm with my boyfriend/girlfriend.

B) Sorry, I'm busy.

D) I'm sorry, I realize how my relationship with you affects my boufriend/girlfriend, I

care deeply about them, in fact I love them. The thought of hurting them like this is just not something I can handle. I think that we should start hanging around other people, I love my boyfriend/girlfriend and will call them and hang out with them instead of putting you first.

If they picked "D," they are a million dollars richer. Now they may not see the million in cash, but they'll experience it in a rewarding relationship with you. An example of a good relationship starts at "D", moves to "A" getting worse exponentially. If that is how your boyfriend or girlfriend acts, then maybe it's time to say something. Said something already? You tried the talk, it's time to walk. They obviously don't care about you as much as you care about them.

Motive - This ties in close to depth, sometimes they're the same thing, but I'll differentiate, if your BF/GF say that they have a "serious connection" with their EX, this applies to both, because while that is the reason they hang out together (motive), it also applies to how serious they are (depth). However if depth deserves a questionare, then motive shall recieve one accordingly.

You work up your courage and finally ask your boyfriend or girlfriend, "Why do you hang out / phone / stay friends with your EX?" they reply in a matter of fact tone:

A) I feel bad, he/she does not have many friends and they're going through a rough time, I know this hurts you, and I'm trying to move away, but it's already been so rough for my EX, that I want to take it easy on him/her , give it time, I love you and don't want to hurt you.

B) My EX just likes to talk/hangout/stay friends, and it helps my family/workplace/circle of friends to just talk to him/her casually. However I know it hurts you and because I love you, I will not put him/her before how you feel, that would be crazy, because I truly love you.

C) I think we just have a good friendship, and it's not something that I want to part with, even if it means that you'll be unhappy.

D) We share a close connection, and even though you're ready to break up with me, I won't stop seeing him/her since they're more important than you!

Being a trickster I reversed the order of bad to good, to good to bad. If you're reading this and your luck seems to come up bad everytime you have to look at another factor, I like to call this the "Clue Factor". Ask yourself "Does my boufriend/girlfriend have a clue?".

This again ties into motive, because if she's missing the "Clue Factor" then motive does not apply. The "Clue Factor", to be straight forward applies to those who are "oblivious" or just "stupid". Again this goes back to common sense, is it a trait they posses? Do they realize that it hurts when they are with their EX, do they understand that being with an EX is not a good thing. Someone can be absolutely brilliant and not understand the basics of a relationship, sometimes they just need a good lesson and a kick in the butt.

The key is understanding Depth, - how serious is the boyfriend/girlfriend-EX relationship. - Motive, - why do they hang out. - and Clue Factor - Does your boyfriend or girlfriend understand simple relationship concepts. - If they have a serious relationship with their EX because they feel close to them and just like the time they spend together, all the while knowing that it hurts you, then it's time to face the facts. This is not worth it. They don't deserve you. Anyone who knowingly hurts the one they claim to love by putting an EX - or anybody for that matter - first does not deserve somone who is willing to silently endure a painful relationship to keep them happy. You're strong you've put up with alot of sh!t, you can handle the world without them. Not conviced let me give you a couple clever tidbits to help in you're crusade.

These can be used in casual conversation with your boyfriend/girlfriend, but I would refrain from overusing, it might be a hotspot. Also could be cleverly placed on a T-shirt.

"EX means Stop" "EX means DONE" "EX means Danger" "EX means Avoid" "I EX out things I'm finished with" or any number of clever quips containing the word EX.

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- side note - I was having a hard time with my girlfriend call both of her ex's and emailing them in secret, and I thought to myself, if she's doing it in secret, she knows she shouldn't be. I asked a buddy casually what he thought of EX's and being friends, "A casual relationship is always good, but distance is important, I'm friends with my ex, but were acquaintances, we understand that to be close will affect my girlfriend and her boyfriend. If I call after a year to see how it's going, that's cool, but If I found out my girlfriend was getting calls from an EX at 2 or 3 in the morning every night, it would be time to break up." Now he was drunk at the time, but the words were meaningful, and accurate because I caught my "girlfriend" talking to her EX at 2 in the morning after she spent our 12:30 to 1:30 phone conversation, telling me she was too tired to talk and she wanted to go to bed. Life stinks, wear a helmet.

A guide to phone calls:

(He calls her, or she calls him)

Call at 4 their friends, no more. Call at 8 it's getting pretty late. Call at 10 their close again. Call at 2 you say we're through.

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A Guide to hanging out:

(Alone time with EX)

A cup of Tea? How 'bout you, him, and me? Go see a show? Too dark there, you know. (said angrilly, or possibly annoyed) Go for a ride? With a car or you're hide? If be friends you must, Why should I trust?

Sure, it might be a rough copy, but it's just a diamond that needs polishing. Besides the last line sounds like Yoda, and who is more wise then that little green guy? Honestly.

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The bottom line is love is 50/50. Half you, half her expect it. Love, loyalty, devotion, trust. I'm sure there are more, but they're not important to me, and I refuse to admit that I can't recall them. In all seriousness you have to decide if you're putting in 50, are you getting 50 back? You deserve it, and if your not getting it back it's time to call it quits, or hit him/her with the truth. I know that it's not what you want to hear, who wants to hear "it's over" and I have no doubt that after hearing this you'll say, "he's right, but I love my BF/GF to much! No matter how wise he is and how flawless his logic, my love for my BF/GF will overcome the odds". Congratualations, you're a good BF/GF, and you deserve to have someone feel the same way about you. You deserve a pat on the back and some love in your heart, perhaps a bit of happiness and a cup of Hot Chocolate with marshmallows. You've earned it, and although I can't tell you what to do, I can wish you luck, if you've been through this, I'll gladly call you a friend of mine. I hope you find happiness with this person, you obviously care, otherwise I hope it's not too painful, and you move on to someone better. Remember, it's not your fault, you have a harsh disease called "Friendly EX Syndrome", which affects the emotions the mind and the body.

If you know someone who is going though this, send it to them, they need someone to talk to, and something to help them make heads or tails. Better yet if you know someone who keeps the EX on top, send it to them, maybe they'll see the light and do what they should have done a long time ago. And finally, if you know an EX that's still clinging to someones BF/GF send this to them, and give them a shot to teeth and a punch to the throat, so they can choke on a tooth for being such an inconsiderate wad.

Take care, get over it, life sucks... but sometimes, every once in awhile, the sun shines.

-Mr J.

Wow, that was trully amazing, thank you so much sir.

I would be very careful! I have just been through something similar. Big things to watch for are: She doesn't seem as keen on you in the bed as before, she is all ways talking about him, you keep catching her on her phone, and she discreetly puts it away..I could go on on mate, but I think you should reaaly go with your gut here, personally I woudn't trust her.

Good luck mate!

A very enlightened friend told me once that if people can break up and still be friends, then why did they break up in the first place? It makes sense. I mean, if they worked out their differences enough to repair it to the point of friendship, then why not stay together? Personally, I would not trust in the relationship boundaries. I would question the ex's intentions and motivation. I would definitely talk to my partner about it and express my feelings and most likely ask that they not see the person. It is meant our relationship, then I would probably question how strong our relationship was to begin with? Giving up friends for a partner is one thing. Giving up an ex is another. I could understand if they had a child together. I could even understand if their relationship had been long term and they had become entangled with each other's family. Other than that, I would be very cautious. Good luck.

An ex of mine has asked me to lunch. I have asked my boyfriend if it is OK. He says it is. He knows where and what time. As someone else has mentioned, my ex and I split up for a reason. I wouldnt get back with him if my life depended on it and I happen to love my new boyfriend very much. Sometimes it is OK for girlfriends to have lunch with an ex, the time to worry is when she makes a regular habit of it. I havent seen my ex for 14 months its just catch up, and if I dont see him again for another 14 months, or never again, it wont matter. I understand he now has MS, my guess is he just wants to talk about how bad he is feeling. Lunch isn't always bad.

If it is a call once in a while or it is a forwarded email, then it is fine. If they meet at the shops and have a chat, then it is still OK. However, a cup of coffee at her place when you are out of town is completely unacceptable. You cannot force her not to do it, but you can turn and run as fast as possible. Who said so pain no gain. It will be painful in the short term but have a nagging ex for the rest of your life is definitely messed up.

Tell that girl what's up, and don't let her talk to that guy. Tell her she needs to stop talking to him. The man is always needs to be in control in the relationship until you need to get some then you need to start acting whipped. But girls like when guys take control. Remember that, but dont go to far with that. If you don't want her to talk to him, don't let her. Ask her, "Would you want me talking to my ex girlfriend?" If she says she doesn't care, then basically your screwed. haha, just kidding. But don't let her if you really don't want her to.

Let her be, depending on the girl. I'll always be friends with my ex because we always were friends. Ask yourself 'Do I trust her?' If the answer is no, ask yourself why, and go from there. I'd never allow anyone to get in bewteen my friendships, as any self-respecting girl wouldn't. However, if the guy's got intentions other than friendship, it's another issue.

Its so important for you to be honest with your feelings and tell her how you feel. You have the right to be a little uneasy about everything. However you need to trust her. Trust is so important in relationships. I am in that situation at the moment as well where my boyfriend just feels so weird because I am still friends with my ex and he sees him regularly. And I totally understand how it is hard for you. But you need to be open to her and make sure she knows what your needs are. If she loves you, she will do all she can to make sure you feel you are her priority.

QUIT SECOND-GUESSING!Some posters call this guy writing the question a controller or plain jealous. Well sit up, and fly right! He has every right to feel the way he does, and thankfully man posters agree with him! It's not about control or being jealous, but a relationship that should be build on trust and honesty, and this gal is handing him a line so she has freedom! It wasn't up until the 60s (free love) that conflict of the sexes really began. Sometimes we should be careful what we wish for. From then on, there are more people having problems with their relationships. Before anyone lashes out that their parents may have not gotten along years ago long before the 60s, there was a higher rate of marriages that DID work and relationships between guy/girl that stood the test of time back then.

NO you should not be putting up with this! It's wrong! "Ex" means you are no longer with that person. She should move on from this guy and the both of you should be concentrating on each other to enrich your own relationship.

I was married before, and then met my husband-to-be. I left my past behind me, but I was honest in telling my future husband I had been married before and why I left him. He had that right to know, and I wanted to start off with an honest relationship with no questions hanging over his head. I believe in good communication, honesty, and respect. Even though my ex's family missed me, I had to move on and leave the past in the past because it wasn't fair to my future husband.

So, for you guys who have girlfriends that want to remain friends with their ex's tell them to choose! It's not fair and that goes for men that want to remain friends with their ex's. The only time a woman or man should be involved with their ex's is if children are involved, and there is joint custody.

If you can't give the girl up, then give her a taste of her own medicine. Ask a female person you consider friendly to go out with you, and see how she likes it. Duck! Then say, "Well, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. If you are truly interested in our relationship then no more with the ex and concentrate on us and if you can't do that then bye-bye." Mean it!

I'm behind this poster 100%, and even though she's simply having her cake and eating it too! It's either you and her or she can go back to her ex!

IMPORTANT

Insecurity does not actually exist. It's a gray area made up for unfaithful spouses. If you truly are being controlling, it immediately crosses into abuse. Otherwise, you're probably justified in you're anger, and they're being disgusting. The word "insecurity" is most often used in large groups, to make the one feel better for being disgusting. It's usually followed by "screw him/her, you should go do this guy/girl". Coincidence? Nope.

Listen Up & Fly Right!I have no idea where this "I want to be friends with my ex and I need you to understand" crap! I can't believe my ears!!! "EX" means it's over! Sane and mature people leave the old behind and start into the future fresh. I would no more have asked any boyfriends in the past or my second husband to accept my ex. No brainer everyone! When you go steady or marry someone there shouldn't be an "ex" in the picture. HonestlyMy gf started hanging out with her ex behind my back and I found that she wanted to party with him but have me as her main man. I confronter her about it and she was cold as stone so I said goodbye. I HATE saying goodbye, but you have to keep in mind that what you do now, sets the tone for your relationship later. Personally I am done with girls that want to hold on to their ex's. There are plenty of girls who can value the man they are with and accept the past is over.