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I'm not certain this answers the question as it was intended, but hopefully it helps.

This is purely speculative on my part, but qualified nonetheless by my having originated within a dysfunctional family, and sadly passing the torch.

My theory is that dysfunction stems from selfish desire, more accurately egocentrism. Selfish is a bit harsh a perspective. The egocentric person is capable of seeing only or mostly from his perspective. It is not a question of fault, and so cannot actually be termed selfishness until that person becomes or is made aware of his egocentrism.

The egocentric person is me focused. It is not that he is out for what he can get for himself because he wants it as much as he is all of his world that he is aware. He knows that other people populate his world, but cannot or has difficulty recognizing their actions as anything but what affects him. There is him and the world that bounces off him.

I know, sounds selfish, but it really isn't. It isn't truly narcisistic either, further from it actually. The selfish person takes what he wants because he wants it. The egocentric person takes what he wants because he needs it. A fine distinction, but a distinction regardless.

How this precipitates dysfunction is this: hedoes not live in a void. He lives among other people, usually a family of some sort. Now picture his egocentric perception multiplied by however many people are in that family. Everyone grabbing, and scrapping, and fighting for everything they get. Not just the material either. They fight for space. They fight for attention. They fight for recognition. They fight for love. What sort of picture does that paint?

Now everyone in that family, being individuals with individual needs and different individual perceptions have differing levels of egocentric behavior at different times. This only complicates matters. That many dysfunctional families are able to function at all is a testament more to the adaptability of humans and their behavior than anything else. As a matter of course we adapt and we overcome; we naturally seek equalibrium, within ourselves and within our environments.

If one observes a dysfunctional unit (a messed up family) in operation, it's almost like a dance, or the grand Opera of warfare. Each member probes the others, testing for whom to ally with, for what to fight over, what to take, what to leave behind, what to abandon. They watch each other to look for clues to mood, emotions, thoughts. They react from years of experience, almost instinctively to the behavior of the others. It looks like a slow motion train wreck from the outside, but to those inside who know nothing different, it's just another day in the neighborhood.

From personal experience, it gets bumpy for the rest of the family when one of them becomes aware of the dysfunctional behavior and begins to change away from it. It becomes confusing to the rest. One of the pack members smells different (pardon the metaphor) so doesn't quite belong. He can't be cast out, but he can't be trusted to play the game anymore, because it has become a game, The Game.

The cycle part of dysfunction is simply this: we pass on what we know and we know what we live. We are defined (in part) by the experiences of our lives. It is possible to break away only by consciously changing the experiences. Not editing memory, rather making a stand to end the cycle.

I swore an oath several years ago when I was in a very sad and lonely place, where I had time to reflect on me and how I became me. I swore this oath to God, to myself, and to my family: It ends with me. I will not knowingly pass on the dysfunction that I lived, that I learned. I will make every possible attempt to stop it from growing. I will do everything in my power to repair the damage it has caused and I have caused as a result of it. Reflection and awareness are the road to change. Honesty, self-honesty is the map.

It's not about blaming. What has happened is past; what happens as a result of the past is choice.

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Q: What is the Dysfunctional Family Cycle?
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