What is the first thing a gorilla learns in school-?

Answer 1

The Ape B CS

Answer 2

The apebc's How to be bananas

Bologna Primatology:

The Lighter Side of Science

(Which means some scientific fact and a whole lot of bologna)

Gorilla's, which are large, reticent and gentle apes, do not travel in schools fish do.

Gorilla's travel in bands. There are some fish that act as roadies to these gorilla's that travel in bands but fish are not very good with technology and because of their wetness often times find themselves being electrocuted while setting up speakers and microphones. For this reason, most gorilla's tend to hire baboons for roadies not just for their dryness but also for their dexterity. Since gorilla's tend to be shy by nature they usually avoid arena concert type situations and prefer the ambiance of smoke filled night clubs and the smell of roasted coffee in coffee houses. That being said, there are such bands of gorilla's, such as Tarzan and the Terrible Tribe of Angry Apes and Gorilla Rock, that tour regularly in larger arenas and have been known to appear at such famous festivals as Junglestock and Congochella.

Editors note:

The Association of Primatology Education, (A.P.E.), does not appreciate the so called humor displayed in the paragraph above and wishes to clarify that gorilla's are indeed reticent and gentle apes in spite of their portrayal in such movies as Tarzan and Gorilla's in the Mist. They also wish to make clear that there is no such thing as "The Lighter Side To Science" and insist that science is a very heavy, heady, and important discipline that deserves more respect than this answerer has shown.

Oh come on! It is a known fact that the members of A.P.E. are all amateur science buffs that worship at the alter of science and behave no differently than any other mystic. Furthermore, I resent the allegations of falsehoods as my parents conceived me while tripping on "electric Kool-Aid", while at Junglestock. I myself have attended two concerts at Congochella and own several cd's by Tarzan and the Terrible Tribe of Angry Apes and consider their song, Swinging the Night Away, to be one of the greatest rocknroll songs ever made.

Liar.

I am not Lying!

Liar, liar, pants on fire, hanging on a telephone wire.

Ohhhhhhh, now look who is being silly.

It's you Mr. your the one who creates this. This site used to be respectable until you joined. Now look at it! We editors used to command respect, now we are laughed at regularly because of your antics.

Okay, okay. I am sorry. I don't mean to cause any problems. I was an only child of eight children and had many "issues" to deal with and they sometimes carry over in these answers. Please don't be mad at me.

Well, all right then. We accept your apology but still contend that your assertions are not true.

Okay, okay. I made it all up. I am a compulsive story teller and have been in therapy for this for many years.

Really? Gee, we didn't realize that and wouldn't have come across so strongly with you...

Ha, ha! Just kidding. Therapist won't talk to me because of my nonsense. I swear I thought you would have guessed that right off the bat. Sorry. Can I tell one quick story before I go. It involves educated apes.

Is it a true story?

Come on! You know better than that. But this is, after all, improbable history.

Oh, all right. One quick story and then leave us alone for tonight. We are very busy.

Thanks. I love you guys. So, an ape walks into a bar and sits down at the bar and waits patiently for the bartender to take his order. The bartender, being nervous, and much of the clientel being nervous, did there best to ignore the ape who was obviously getting quite impatient. Finally, another customer at the bar asked the bartender why he wouldn't go see what the ape wanted. The bartender was clearly nervous but went to see what the ape wanted anyway.

"Hello, may I help you?' The bartender asked cautiously.

"Yes. I would like a bottle of beer, please." The ape asked politely.

The bartender went over to the cooler and several of the customers, anxious to know what happened and the bartender told them he ordered a beer. No one at first believed the bartender but it was clear he wasn't kidding around since he was retrieving a bottle of beer and frosted mug from the cooler. One of the customers asked the bartender if he thought that ape had been trained to ask for a bottle of beer or if maybe this was some kind of really intelligent ape. The bartender, anxious to know the truth of the matter assured the other customers that he had a plan. He walked over to the ape with the beer and mug in hand and placed them both before the ape and said:

"That will be twenty dollars, please." The ape looked at the bartender incredulously and said:

"Twenty dollars for a bottle of beer?' The bartender nodded guiltily and the ape took out his wallet and gave the bartender a twenty dollar bill. The bartender went to the register and rang up the beer and assured the other customers that while he wasn't very smart, he seemed intelligent enough to carry on a conversation. A few moments later, the bartender, feeling guilty went over to the ape and said:

"You know I am sorry if we are making you uncomfortable with all the staring and such but we don't get too many gorilla's that frequent this saloon." The gorilla responded:

"Yeah, well at twenty dollars a beer, I can see why."

In regards to a direct answer to the question, assuming it is serious, there is the matter of Koko the ape that supposedly speaks sign language. The debate over whether Koko can actually grasp the complexities of language has been ongoing and the reality is that Koko only speaks this sign language to her handler and that person, Francine Patterson may have fallen prey to much wishful thinking. For example, Koko when using the sign for "man" actually uses the sign for foot. When supposedly referring to "women" she uses the sign for "lips". This extrapolation made by Parker may be taken more seriously if she hadn't suggested that Koko in a 1988 on line "chat" that Koko had used the word nipple to rhyme with people. This seems more of the gushing one hears from a proud parent than any empirical evidence of a poetic ape.