What makes an effective father and why?

Answer 1

What makes an effective father? I'll break this down into two categories and I'll take them in what might appear to be "out of order," simply because I want to start with the emergency situation.

First scenario: Let's say you've messed up a lot in life and that you yourself had no real reliable role models and now you just don't want to mess up your kid. Here are some concrete things you can do.

1. Always Keep Your Word. - Let your child see that when you promise to do something, you don't go to bed until you've kept your word. Expect the same of your child. This will help forge a strong ethical backbone in the child, in you and in all who you encounter in life.

2. Help your child learn/get good at something. The myth of self-esteem is that is comes from praise. It does not. Praise alone makes one a fragile praise addict. Praise is great when it reinforces accomplishment. If you take the child out to play catch, you are teaching the child to get better and better at catch. If they are learning to read, praise them for their hard work and point out their growth. You are teaching them the concept of Excellence. Have them observe that you too, even at an adult age, are working on getting better at something.Self-esteem comes not from compliments, but from accomplishment.

3. Be available. Even if the kid is coloring on the floor in front of the TV and you think, "Why am I here? I could be out with the guys or working in the garage? you are crucial in the child's feeling of security that you are there if they need you. So, even if you're just zoning out in front of the TV, show up and stay there. Be around your child.

Your job is not to "love your child." That answer is a cop out. One hopes that you love your child, of course. But, the job is the work. Even if you don't love that child, your job is to prepare that child for the outside world so that they can take care of themselves when you're not around. They don't owe you anything, not now, not when you're old, not ever. You created them. They had no say. It is you who owe them everything and they will owe their children. Pay it forward, not back. Loving your child is like bathing. Of course you should do it, but that's not enough. You have to put in the sweat.

Okay. Now for those of you who are from pretty stable backgrounds... do all of the above.

Answer 2

An effective Dad would be one that instills positve self-esteem in the child, creating a trusting, loving relationship between the two.