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What should a mother of a 3-year-old do when her husband is addicted to marijuana and she disapproves even though he does not do it in the house or around the child? |
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Do you know the difference between a POS and a PPO?
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Use is not abuse. Just because you disapprove doesn't mean he is addicted. However, if you know he is going off to buy a bag I'd ask him if he thinks that money should go towards his dealer or his child? Both of you should then go to an ATM and deposit the money in an account that goes toward a college fund for the child. Don't expect him to do this every time. If you give him the choice of improving his child's life or smoking some weed, a reasonable person should choose their child. If he doesn't ever want to improve the child's life then I think you should improve his and leave the dumbass.
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Regardless of where he smokes it is still illegal. If he were to be arrested, and it was brought to the attention of CPS (which is quite possible). You might have a lot of explaining to do. The judge would not look favorably upon a parent who knew the other parent had a chemical addiction, yet was still allowed to be around a child(ren). That may not seem fair, but it is fact. You could lose custody of your child, depending on the circumstances. My child would be my first priority. I would tell him to make a choice his family or his "weed."
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Legalities AND his addictive personality both matter. Put your foot down. Insist he get help. No good will come of the smoking. It's a red flag.
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Marijuana does not cause violent behaviour. It will not turn your husband into a homicidal maniac. If anone can find a single documented case of marijuana alone (not taken with any other drugs) causing violent behavior, I will retract my statement.
Marijuana use is a problem if it interferes with his relationships with you, your child, other relatives, friends, or his employer. If it really bothers you for any reason then you should discuss it rationally and come to an understanding about its place in his life and yours. If you can't live with someone who uses marijuana, then he should respect your feelings if he wants to be with you. If he would like to stop for any reason and he cannot, then that is a problem and he should seek counselling. However, if he doesn't do it around you or your child and it doesn't cause problems with his work or his social life, if he uses it rather than it using him, then where is the harm?
The idea that marijuana will cause you husband to kill you and your child is ridiculous. If he is an alcoholic or a meth addict, that's a different story. But a pothead? Please!
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this happened with my daughter and her soon to be ex-husband. Even though I was proactive in askingnn questions my daughter was nto revealing and thought he could control it. I told him the "weed" was speaking to him. A common conception in know a day addiction. I told them both proper friend choices, church going things that they could change and soon those friends you like would not like the "new" you. Well jail time hit because my "son" stole 10,000.00 dollars from his employer to fund his addiction. Obviously more than "weed" here. So I needed to step back and see where this took my daughter and grand=daughter. Today they live in Indiana and he lives near me in New York. Even though he has lost all this his addiction to this day speaks to him. I am trynig to continue to open up channels of communication in some day having an ability to rejoice that "HE IS CLEAN!!!"
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I have to disagree with the satement "marijhana don't cause violent behaviour". My boyfriend well ex-boyfriend now thanks to "weed" beat up on me in front of our 1 year old baby because, he was high off from marijhana. So I think who ever takes up for it is almost likely a user their self. You should try to get help for him and, when you find that help make him get the trement. Or tell him that if he don't then it's over between you two. He needs help if not for you than for the sake of your child. I know what you are going thourgh because, I'm going trough the same thing right now. I feel for you and I hope he gets help before it gets to late...Good Luck!!!
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4 years ago, 1 year into our marriage and after the birth of our first child, I went off drugs for good and I told my husband to do the same. He did, but after a year, he went back on marijuana again. I kicked a fuss, and he said that marijuana's the only thing that makes him feel positive and happy about life and that if I force him to stop (he emphasizes the word "FORCE", like I'm doing something really "bad" by asking him to quit doing this s*** drug), he will become a very enraged, negative person and could potentially make my life hell. I took the threat and said Okay. Continue smoking if you want, then. But now, 4 years down the road, he's still smoking it. And if you asked me has he become a much better person than the time when he went off it for 1 year, the answer is a definite "No". During the last 2 years, whenever our quarrels escalate into a heated argument, he would ALWAYS (read, in every instance) resort to violence to end the argument or to make me comply unwillingly. He has never went so far as to give me a black eye or break some part of me, but he always threatens to do so, like by throwing a chair at me but then aiming it so that it nearly misses, and the most he'd do to me physically was either manhandling me to the ground and throttling my throat, or pushing me really hard so I land onto furniture or the ground. It seems like he's just controlling his violence towards me in such a way that he metes out the crime but in a way that is not so serious as to warrant the arrest. So when he says he will "Let me have it", he really does what he threatens to do, but to a very lesser degree than a proper serious crime.
I hate him so much since 4 days ago, when he was violent to me again in the same way. Why do I hate him even more this time? Because I am now pregnant with his second child. He has never hit me before when I was pregnant with the first. I thought he would never ever go there. But since 4 days ago, I know my theory was proven wrong. I now know that he has no scruples about hitting me even when I'm pregnant. I used to think its okay that he hits me when I'm not pregnant and am fit and healthy, but now I wonder what in the hell I was thinking back then?? His hitting me is never "okay", and was never "okay", and should never be "okay", even if he makes it so that its never serious enough to warrant a definite conviction for it.
I can't leave him now because I'm in the process of getting a degree (so I can get a better job next time and not rely on him to make ends meet). It's a pity that my parents are never really there for me, so I don't actually have anywhere to run to for support if I leave him at this point. If I leave him now, I'd probably become homeless, and then be only able to afford to rent a tiny shoebox to raise my 2 children in - and I'm actually afraid to end up in that situation. In fact if I end up in that situation, I might even have to give up my studies altogether if I can't afford the childcare for my children while I study. (Right now, my husband looks after the kids whenever I study, so we don't spend any money on childcare.) I know I'm really kinda cowardly to do what I'm doing now. It's true that he isn't that hard to live with. On most days, he's fine. But I know from experience that the same violent episodes will occur about once or twice every year, because like any other couple, there will always be some problem cropping up time and again which can lead to arguments which can potentially escalate into a major quarrel at least once a year. I'm by nature not a very submissive person, so I am always taking my stand and standing by what I believe. I keep telling myself to cool it, that I can make the violence less frequent if I could just cool it sometimes and just say "okay" to whatever he insists, even if its absolute rubbish to me. Unfortunately sometimes I just can't cool it, and I risk having him hit me again because of my insistence on some issue between us. It's hard but... I think I will stay stuck to this man for at least a few more years to come. But at least right now, I'm past the "sad" phase of wondering whether our relationship will ever work out. I have already accepted at this point that its nothing but an absolute fact that our relationship will never work out, unless the impossible happens - i.e. he decides not to do drugs again. At this stage, its more of a planning stage for me... and I can now focus on the most important stuff right now... which is how to go about getting the paper qualifications I want and planning my career steps.
Bottom line : I don't agree at all to people who claim that marijuana is not harmful and only makes people become "loving, nice, peace-loving people". Yes it does seem to have that effect on those addicts who smoke it, but the high also distorts their perception of reality and makes them form some really stubborn beliefs about life and marijuana. Some of these people will get so enraged if you challenge those beliefs in one harmless argument, that they will resort to violence if they realise they can't out argue your common sense. It's their own pathetic, lowly response to an argument they cannot defend with their already f***** up brains. Nice and peace-loving? My ass. Plus if you really go around getting to know some of these marijuana junkies, you'll realise they are really phony friends. They only hang out with you when you've all got some weed to share. If you don't, they disappear "mysteriously". But being pot smokers themselves, they have badly-affected powers of judgement about people, so they'll still think that their weed-smoking pals are their "true friends" and all the others are not.
The above person should put her children first and leave. How can you give advive when you let an abusive man tramatize your children and beat you? It's not the marijuana, it's him. You are an enabler and defend him.
- [from another reader] Sweetheart, this is to you and the lady who wrote in above. It isn't the drug, it's the man. You have picked a violent person and he would be just as violent clean. I disapprove of illegal drug use by parents, the possible negative outcomes could seriously impact the child. It is just irresponsible. But, marijuana is not the reason your husband treats you like that. That is just an excuse.
- [from another reader] I second this comment & STRONLY agree. (Marijuana use alone is NOT going to cause a man to be violent with his partner.)
In response to the woman who is in an abusive marriage, you can stay in school, even if you leave your husband, with the help of student loans, grants, scholarships, part-time income and public assistance. Many universities have affordable family student housing, which can be a wonderful environment for both parents and kids. Applying for student loans can be difficult to navigate, but you can usually get help from counselors in the student loan department. You might have to talk to a few until you find one who fully understands the process. You can trade babysitting time with neighbors and/or study at home with your kids. It's not easy, but it's more than worth the effort.
It might be a hard few years, but imagine the possibilities for your future. Have faith in yourself. We are usually stronger than we think.
First answer by Nikki. Last edit by Jskybld. Contributor trust: 1 [recommend contributor]. Question popularity: 156 [recommend question]
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