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What would you think if you found your 16-year-old son waking up one morning shocked and hurt to discover that he was dressed in women's underwear and clothing?
Wiki User
∙ 12y ago
Of course you have every right to be shocked. No mother wants to wake up and discover her son dressing in women's clothing. Hurt? Now that's something entirely different. Hurt over what? Hurt that you are embarrassed over it or what your husband will think or your neighbors or friends? I think what is more important here is your son's feelings. Did you honestly think that your son could come to you or your husband and say, "Gee, mom, dad, I have discovered I love to dress in women's underwear and clothing?" You are reacting exactly like he thought you would and now he is totally embarrassed and his secret is out. Just because some men cross-dress doesn't mean they are gay. If you could strip down every man (from all walks of life) you'd find at least 1/3 of them wearing women's underwear! That the truth! Some men love the feel of the fabric against their skin and it has errotic tendencies. As much as we don't understand it, it happens.
You're a good mom because you show great concern, and of course, it will be your unpleasant duty to inform your husband. I suggest when you tell him one evening be sure your son isn't home.
Once you are over this shock, then please, sit down with your son and don't say a word, let him do the talking. Ask him right out if he's gay or if he just likes to dress in women's clothing and why. Try to understand it as best as you can. Because you are such a caring mother REALLY care about how your son feels. He's not doing this to upset you at all, but this is something he has hidden for a long while and you both need to get to the bottom of it.
There are worse things that could be happening with your son ... drugs, death, etc. Here is a little story that may help you:
A mother came home one day to see a note on the fridge and it said, "Hi mom, dad ... I've met this fantastic older woman with 2 kids and we've run off together to get married. Oh, don't worry about me, I know I don't have a driver's license, but she has a motorcycle and hangs out with a gang, so I get around just fine. I love her tattoos and nose rings and I'm thinking of getting some so I fit into the gang better. I'll keep in touch.
Your loving son JakeP.S. I am happy to inform you that you and dad will be grandparents soon.
This was a note left by a 15 year old boy. It happened! The mother and father were frantic until their son came home close to dinner time. They were so thrilled to see him they hugged him and then asked what it was all about. He handed them his grades from school (which were poor) and said, "Now these grades don't look so bad do they?"
The point I am trying to get across to you is, I know you are a good mom, and you love and care for your son. However, don't get lost in the fact your son cross-dresses and be more intent on his feelings. He hurts inside and if you turn on him where can he go? Never mind what anyone else thinks, and concentrate on your son's feelings. HE DID NOT DO THIS TO HURT YOU! Although I wouldn't be totally thrilled, I would rather have my cross-dressing loving son home then on drugs, a runaway or dead!
The next step would be to get him into therapy to be sure he is well aware of what he is and what he wants to be in the future.
Good luckMarcy
Parenting and Children AnswerWho was shocked and hurt? from the wording it sounds like your son was not you. He may have been under the influence of alcohol or drugs and is not pleased with the result. It is also possible that he needs some therapy if he does other things without remembering them later, even in his sleep. AnswerI totally misread this question and I do apologize."Hazing" is still in sports, schools, clubs of all sorts, and it sounds like his gang of friends did a number on him while he was intoxicated (as the last poster so kindly pointed out) and didn't realize this was happening to him. I know a couple of bachelor parties my husband has been to in the past have dressed the groom-to-be up as a woman, but they never left him on his own. Your son is shocked because he can't remember how he got this way and why.
Marcy
If he is a crossdresser and is upset you should have a mom to son talk , take him out shopping and such , treat him as a daughter to see how he reacts , he may open up and tell you everything , Most children are taught to talk things out , but they are usually with mom and when boys get older they are generally taught to suck things up rather than talk them out like most girls do . If he is a crossdresser i would suggest getting help from an organisation called tri-ess . They are a national group and have experience in this and can recommend good thereapist .
There is nothing wrong with your son emulating you , You have done a good job < better than you realise if he talks to you > if all he is is a crossdresser . He just chooses to act out his frustrations and problems in a different way by emulating the most careing person in his life .
Wiki User
∙ 12y ago
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