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When your boyfriend threatens to leave every time you argue how can you ever believe that he really loves you and what should you do?In: Relationships |
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My boyfriend does the same thing. When we start to fight, he gets angry and walks out of the room, threatens to leave, or tells me maybe i should leave. When I ask him why he does it, he says because he doesnt want things to be said that we cant take back, i.e. we might say something to each other that damages our relationship.
Honestly, I think it damages it more when he just walks out, but it could be a apart of his immaturity and that could be why he does it. I love him a great deal, but he uses pity, and sympathy to the fullest extent, and I, as well as his friends, see it too. We know, but I have learned to over look it and deal with it.
I stick with him because I feel that he will grow up one day, and see what he has, if not, its his loss.
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That is a form of emotional abuse. He may not realize what he is doing is hurting you so much. You should talk to him and tell him how you feel. If it doesn't change, talk about getting counseling. If he isn't willing to do that, or doesn't stop asking you to leave, then you'll have to leave and move on. It's not healthy to stay there.
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It doesn't sound like this is a healthy relationship for you. You need to ask him if this is really want he wants. If you really love him, then tell him that you don't plan to leave and you want to be with him. Tell him that as long as he wants you would stay with him. It sounds like he is a little insecure about the relationship. He is afraid that you will eventually leave becuase of some problems. Let him know that you are in it for the long haul. Has he ever been dumped before in a previous relationship? He may want to dump you before you can dump him.
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He is being a baby, but I say that he does not want to lose you. That is his way of just being a baby. Why don't you call him on it. Leave or better yet, next time say to him, "Then go!"
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This is definately a form of emotional manipulation, and it is so difficult to face in the midst of the moment. Essentially this follows the same line as children when they don't get their way, which he may or not be used to.
My advice would be that next time you argue and he threatens to leave, take a deep breath and *calmly* tell him that: 1) You love and care about him 2) if he feels he is not ready to work through this with you then to leave 3) and call you when he is ready.
The key to this is being level headed and calm.. if you're crying and upset then it will not solve anything. The main reason to do this is to call his bluff.. if he is not mature enough to take a step back and be willing to resolve the issue or at least come to an understanding that you two have a difference of opinion (which is perfectly normal) and accept that fact, then he has to grow up a little more.
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I say if the turkey chooses to leave himself, you should encourage it.
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Trust me, he's using you. Leave him once and for all. You can find someone much better than him.
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Do you find that you are usually wanting more closeness in the relationship and he pulls away, or does the opposite happen? I think it is manipulative what he is doing and I think it is an attempt to have control and power in the relationship. Either to push you away, or to make you plead and draw you in closer. I don't know which it is for your relationship. And he might not be doing this intentionally, he may be reacting and not thinking about what it's doing to the relationship. He could really value it and be scared that you hate him in an argument, thus threatening to leave makes you say no don't, and that makes him feel you still care. Or it could be that he feels a loss of power in the argument and threatening to leave makes him feel in control.
It does seriously undermine the security of the relationship and if he truly values it, he should stop. If he needs space after an argument he should take it. If he has doubts about the relationship, he should be honest about it. The back and forth is truly hell and extremely draining. It takes work to go through things and there has to be a basic trust that you can have a disagreement but still be committed to each other. I think sometimes people are just too scared to be committed, or too scared to be emotionally honest about what they want. Have you tried asking him about what he is scared of when you argue, why he threatens to leave after arguments, if he is willing to not fall into that reaction next time, and if he realizes it is undermining the trust in the relationship that needs to be there? Good luck to you.
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It's a form of manipulation. CONTROL. That is the same thing as saying I want a divorce everytime you argue. Those are words you don't say unless you mean. It's down to a scientific art, how long couples are going to last based on how they argue. THIS IS A FACT. If he doesn't want to leave, then you need to work on another way of arguing. You might check into couples counseling. It is healthy and can help repair some damage. If you chase after him when he starts to run, when you argue, that is an action you need to stop. Don't chase after him. dont argue, simply walk away. Dont fuss, dont yell. Keep your voice calm, and tell him I am not going to fight with you. If you want to leave, that is fine. If you don't want to leave, then stop saying that. But you need to say that when things aren't so volitile. I suggest counseling.
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You should seriously consider leaving, as this is a form of control. Even if you get him to stop threatening to leave the relationship, he will probably use another threat if things do not go his way: he'll threaten to leave you stranded somewhere on a date or vacation, or if you get married, threaten you financially. I've been there, and it's gone this way for me.
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That is a form of manipulation. Trying to have control over something. The situation. It would be very hard to belive that someone loves you in a situation like that. Sitting down with a neutral party, like a therapist would be a start. Sometimes people lash out because they are hurt, mad or feeling something they aren't sure how to deal with. They say and do things they might not actually mean regardless of how it affects the other person. It is sometimes human. Not saying it's OK, it's just how we react. Being in a better place to be able to deal with the emotions can sometimes help us know where to direct that emotion, and what to do with the situation once it's defused. I suggest if you value the relationship to get some help to get you two talking without attacking or making each other feel like your not being heard.
LEAVE HIM NOW
You can't ever believe he really loves you because he doesn't. If he did he would realize that this was hurtful and wouldnt do it. If he loved you, he would have made a decision to work through arguments rather than leave. He is playing games, and the minute he meets someone else he will be off with her. You should leave while it is still your choice to do so, and you will be glad that you took control in the long run.
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Honey you need to kick his ass to the curb. When he goes to work put all of his junk on the front lawn/porch because it is obvious that he doesn't deserve you and you definately deserve better.
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Does he have children or ever lost a child or a love one like mom or dad or both and so , it might be he is scared of his own love for you cause he might think the same about you if he give his love to you , you well be like the others , he might think you well die on him or leave him cause ever one that he has loved might have moved away or died on him and he needs help cause he can't see what it is doing to yea both or what it has done to him also { dig deeper } and pull it up and out of him , find out what is going on with him !! and if he ever ask you to marry him and find out later what you told him wasn't the complete truth he might feel like he is wasting his time and can't see any thing there but feels like he is wasting his time and that you don't mean what you tell him and make a person feel like you still looking for the right guy to be with !! hun ,and what is keeping him there is the love in his heart that he does have for you , that keeps him there and thats why he can't or well not leave when he threatens you !! well sounds to me when he does say he well leave sounds like you need to take him and show him your love is real and you would be there no matter what , tell him , show him you do care alot for him if there are kids in this also and the kids is not his blood well that open up alo
First answer by anonymous. Last edit by Sweet28. Contributor trust: 0 [recommend contributor]. Question popularity: 147 [recommend question]
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