Who invented the first underwear?

Answer 1

On the lighter side...In the misty dawn of time before there was recorded history there was a tribe of inventive hunters. They were known throughout the area as inventors whose innovations were improvements to the quality of life in those parts.

Ogg the Cold invented the first underwear. He was perpetually trying to find things that would please his mate Rhonda and ensure that he was valuable to the tribe, most of which were larger and stronger than he.

Most of the tribe was amazed and delighted with Ogg's previous inventions like that marvelous invention called shoes, or the practical cooking rock the y'ron. But there was one surly curmudgeon who did not appreciate communal living: Herman the hermit who lived near the volcano Mt. Blarg.

Herman was unhappy. He had eschewed the more comfortable life in the tribe and wandered about the hot spring plain near Mt. Blarg simply because he was perpetually cold and those springs kept the air somewhat warmer throughout the day. However he still was bitter and surly because every morning he woke up freezing cold and had to run and put on his day furs. It had never occurred to him that he did not need to take off the day furs...or to find and tame a wolf to cuddle with at night. Being in solitude so long had hardened his habits...and his brain.

One day he marched into the camp in search of Ogg. He described his dilemma of being forever cold and the seemingly insurmountable problems of solitude. With cracked voice and shaking hands, he held out some marvelous rocks that were clear but colored. Begging Ogg to think, he explained that these rocks were to be in payment for some type of covering that would end his unwanted morning exercise. Then he ate a meal at Gronk's establishment and sauntered back across river toward the hot springs plain.

Ogg sat down and thought about how he could help Herman out and get the strange stones. After several days of thought, he realized that Herman needed some smaller lighter clothes that he could wear under his day skins. Speaking with Rhonda, together they devised a thinner pair of the famous red shorts that Ogg wore with his sheepskin. Since Herman was a traditionalist, they made them from the skin of a rodent type animal they knew as a skiv and did not dye the shorts red. They also made a thin little pretend fur to fit his upper body which was the forerunner of the tunic. This was the first known instance of elder care, as Herman was rather advanced in age for those times.

Herman got his underwear, later known as "skivvies", a little less chafing on those hot sweaty days and was so pleased he walked back to his camp singing "I'm into something good". Ogg got his shiny stones and was so impressed with them that he threw in a new pair of shoes to sweeten the deal.

And Rhonda got a new line of clothing she called "unmentionables" since many of the women of the camp preferred not to know that they had rodent fur next to their skin. Unfortunately since these "unmentionables" had inherited their original creature's tendency to creep, the ladies to this day are forever tugging and pulling at them to get them to stay put! Yet another reason that ladies today shed them whenever possible in the interest of comfort.

Ogg invented underwear on the third of MMfh in the year 23...tribe reckoning.